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Navigating the world of dating apps, from mainstream platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to specialized services like Singles with Food Allergies and Mullet Passions, offers a plethora of choices for singles seeking connections. However, regardless of your preferred online dating platform, certain types of dating messages can hinder your chances of success. Experts at FindingTheOne.com conducted a survey of 1,000 single individuals to pinpoint the messages most likely to be poorly received.
Messages to Avoid Sending on Dating Apps
The survey, conducted by FindingTheOne.com, highlighted key phrases and opening lines that are considered undesirable by online daters. Understanding what to avoid can significantly improve your online dating experience.
Overly Casual Greetings: ‘Hey’ and ‘Hi’
Initiating a conversation with a simple ‘hey’ or ‘hi’ was overwhelmingly disliked, with 78 percent of respondents expressing their aversion to such basic greetings. These openers are often perceived as low-effort and uninspired.
Cringeworthy Pickup Lines
Employing cheesy pickup lines is another pitfall to avoid. According to the survey, 59 percent of singles are turned off by these predictable and often insincere attempts at humor or flattery.
The Problem with Text-Based Communication
Sylvia Linzalone, a dating expert at FindingTheOne, emphasizes the challenges of conveying personality through text. “It’s incredibly difficult to show your real personality through text,” she stated. “Tone can be completely misunderstood, jokes fall flat, and often people either overthink their messages or put in no effort at all. That’s why so many singles end up frustrated. Real chemistry happens in person, not in a message thread.”
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FindingTheOne’s survey of 1,000 UK singles sought to identify online messages that are most likely to dampen romantic prospects.
Specific Phrases to Steer Clear Of
‘You Up?’
Following ‘hey’ and ‘hi’, the question ‘You up?’ ranked high on the list of unwelcome messages, disliked by 72 percent of those surveyed. This message can come across as presumptuous or suggestive.
Bland Small Talk: ‘How Are You?’
Engaging in generic small talk is also ill-advised. Asking ‘how are you?’ as an opening line was disliked by 65 percent of participants, who find it unoriginal and lacking in genuine interest.
‘Hey Beautiful’ or ‘Hey Handsome’
While intended as compliments, addressing someone as ‘hey beautiful’ or ‘hey handsome’ in an initial message is often perceived negatively and is best avoided, based on survey results.
‘I Never Usually Message First’
Declaring ‘I never usually message first’ proved to be a turn-off for nearly half (48 percent) of those polled. This statement can suggest arrogance or a lack of genuine initiative.
Grammar and Emoji Missteps
Beyond initial greetings, poor spelling and grammar were identified as significant deterrents, with 61 percent of respondents citing them as a major turnoff. Furthermore, 38 percent expressed dislike for excessive emoji use or terse, unengaging replies like ‘k’ or ‘lol’.
Expert Advice for Crafting Better Opening Messages
If your current dating message strategy aligns with these common pitfalls, there’s no need for concern. Dating coach Hayley Quinn offers guidance on crafting effective first messages on dating apps to elicit positive responses.
Embrace Originality
“Be unique! If 99.9% of guys say one thing – what can you possibly say that will make you stand out?” Quinn advises on her website. She emphasizes that originality extends beyond topic choice to encompass the tone of the message itself.
Rephrasing Common Questions
Instead of using mundane questions like ‘How was your weekend?’, Quinn suggests more engaging alternatives such as ‘OMG how is it Monday?’ or ‘When your alarm went off this morning did you think ‘”wow that was a great weekend”?’ These examples demonstrate how phrasing can transform a standard question into something more memorable.
“Both message examples are asking the same thing, but one is much more unique. It all comes down to choosing to phrase things differently,” she explains.
Introducing a Sense of Challenge
Quinn also suggests that incorporating a degree of challenge can enhance sincerity. “When people are agreeable to the point of being sycophantic, it can come across as insincere: like you’re trying to get into her favour because you want something,” she notes.
Balancing Compliments with Genuine Interest
Instead of generic compliments like ‘I really like your look in these pictures! You have a great smile too. It’s also really cool you’re into yoga!’, consider a more engaging approach: ‘I like that you’re so focused on health and fitness. Do you ever ditch the yoga and do trail running or hiking?’
“These examples still give some praise and acknowledge what you have liked about her from her profile but they show that you’re not just there to please her, and have your own independent world of fun stuff to bring her into,” Quinn elaborates.
Strategies for Limited Profile Information
When faced with profiles lacking in detail, Quinn recommends three potential strategies.
Prompting for Information
Pose a question that encourages them to share information, such as ‘So tell me something I’d have never guessed about you from your profile?’
Playful Sarcasm
Inject humor by playfully addressing the lack of profile information with a sassy remark like ‘Something about your profile isn’t adding up…’
Engaging with Visual Cues
Reference details from their photos, like ‘Is that Santorini in the background? I’m doing some island hopping this summer but doing Asia as I have a pad thai addiction issue.’
Quinn concludes, “Notice how in nearly every example I’m giving I’m encouraging you to share a detail about your life as well as asking something about her. This helps your messages to feel balanced, and builds intrigue about your life,” highlighting the importance of reciprocal sharing in online dating interactions and crafting effective dating app opening lines.