Modern Love: Natasha Rothwell on Vision Boards and Reclaiming Self
This week on Modern Love, host Anna Martin interviews Emmy-nominated actor and writer Natasha Rothwell. Recognizable from HBO’s “The White Lotus,” where she portrays spa manager Belinda, Rothwell discusses manifesting desires, both personally and through her characters.
From “White Lotus” to Vision Boards: Manifesting Dreams
Rothwell shares a parallel with her “White Lotus” character, Belinda, in her approach to achieving goals. Before being cast in the series, she aspired to collaborate with creator Mike White.
“He is someone that I was just like, I want to be in his orbit,” Rothwell recounts. Despite initial apprehension due to the pandemic, her ambition propelled her to pursue the opportunity.
This proactive approach mirrors many of Rothwell’s characters, who navigate discomfort to prioritize their needs. Her Hulu show, “How to Die Alone,” exemplifies this, featuring her character Mel’s journey of self-discovery and assertive pursuit of professional advancement.
The Power of Vision Boarding
Anna Martin delves into Rothwell’s affinity for vision boarding, a practice gaining traction for manifesting aspirations.
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“I think for someone like me, I’m busy a lot. And I feel like the end of the year, it’s an opportunity to take time and think about what I’m wanting from the year ahead,” Rothwell explains.
Rothwell details past vision boards, including a clipart call sheet, symbolizing her aim for lead roles. This manifestation materialized with her show, “How to Die Alone,” where she saw her name listed first, affirming her accomplishment.
Overcoming People-Pleasing Tendencies
Rothwell reveals her past as a “people pleaser,” recounting an anecdote about consuming meat despite being vegetarian for years, solely to avoid discomforting a friend’s mother. She attributes overcoming this tendency to therapy and a conscious shift towards self-prioritization.
“I centered myself. I became the main character of my life,” Rothwell states, emphasizing the importance of self-value and perspective change. She mentions her therapist’s advice to broaden her perspective of beauty and self-worth through diverse imagery on social media.
Relating to “Decentering Men” Essay
Rothwell connects her journey to the “Modern Love” essay she chose to read, “I Decentered Men — Decentering Desire for Men is Harder” by Jasmine Brawley. The essay resonates with Rothwell’s own experiences and philosophies of prioritizing personal needs and self-validation over seeking romantic relationships as primary fulfillment.
Reactions to “Roy” and Fumbled Opportunities
Rothwell expresses her strong reaction to the essay, particularly her frustration with the character “Roy,” who embodies missed romantic opportunities. She identifies with the author’s experience, recognizing similar “Roys” in her own life and in the experiences of women around her.
“The number of times I’ve had Roys in my life where they have fumbled the bag. Where I’m like, do you know who I am — and not even career-wise, but just as a human? Do you know what I mean?” Rothwell passionately states.
Vulnerability and the “Good Morning” Text
The conversation shifts to the vulnerability that can make individuals susceptible to those who may not fully appreciate them. Rothwell humorously references the “infamous fuck boy good morning text” and the potential for manipulative tactics in modern dating.
She suggests that driven individuals, often perceived as self-sufficient, might be particularly vulnerable to simple gestures of care because genuine check-ins can be rare.
Filling Your Own Cup: Self-Care as a Priority
Rothwell emphasizes the significance of self-care and internal validation. She uses the metaphor of “filling your own cup” to underscore the danger of seeking external validation when one’s own needs are unmet.
“When I forget to pour into myself and a Roy’s like, I got a pitcher of water, that’s an easier lift than pouring into myself. I’d be like, oh, I’ll drink from this source,” Rothwell admits, highlighting the ease of seeking external ‘fixes’ over internal self-replenishment.
She champions Jasmine Brawley’s self-date in the essay as an example of proactive self-care and self-respect, advocating for self-treatment over waiting for external validation.
Childhood Expectations of Love and Self-Courting
Reflecting on childhood, Rothwell acknowledges the “immense expectations” she held about love, influenced by her parents’ enduring marriage and romantic comedies. She humorously recounts childhood attempts to replicate her mother’s romantic experience, highlighting the often unrealistic ideals fostered by media and societal narratives.
However, she underscores a crucial evolution: “I’ve been courting myself.” Rothwell emphasizes the beauty of the essay’s message, which is to “fall in love and to chase and to woo yourself,” a crucial aspect she had long overlooked.
For Rothwell, self-courting involves “honoring my wants and my needs. Giving myself permission to rest,” and making choices that prioritize her well-being and peace, such as choosing solitude and self-reflection over social obligations when needed.
Navigating New Relationships and Maintaining Independence
The discussion concludes with the challenge of maintaining self-centeredness when new relationships emerge. Rothwell acknowledges the “panic” of potentially losing hard-won independence within a partnership and shares a personal anecdote of taking herself on a date – walking the Brooklyn Bridge and enjoying pizza – after a disappointing romantic encounter.
“Fuck a Roy all the way,” Rothwell declares, celebrating self-empowerment and rejecting the notion of putting life on hold for elusive romantic prospects. This powerful statement encapsulates the episode’s core message: prioritize self-love and personal fulfillment above the pursuit of validation from others.