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Brian May Reflects on “Bad Parent” Moments and Parenting Challenges
Queen’s iconic guitarist, Brian May, has publicly acknowledged experiencing moments of parental inadequacy, confessing to potential missteps in raising his three children. The 77-year-old rock legend, father to James, Louisa, and Emily Ruth from his previous marriage to Chrissie Mullen, admitted grappling with parenting decisions and their impact on his offspring. May shared his reflections on the “Fret Not” podcast in summer 2023, revealing his journey of acknowledging and processing past parenting choices.
Acknowledging Parental Imperfection
Speaking candidly, May conceded his parenting approach was not without flaws. “I’ve endured considerable anguish contemplating whether I committed grave errors with my children,” he stated. He further explained that his children have, at times, pointed out perceived mistakes, highlighting the difficulty in confronting such feedback. May emphasized the importance of accountability and self-forgiveness in the parenting journey. “What one must do, I believe, is accept responsibility and admit, ‘Yes, perhaps I was a flawed parent in that instance. I erred.’ The crucial question then becomes, ‘What action do I take now?'”
The Path to Forgiveness and Moving Forward
May further deliberated on the necessity of forgiveness, both from his children and for himself. “Are you willing to forgive me? Am I willing to forgive myself?” he questioned. He stressed that dwelling on past mistakes is unproductive. “If we fail to forgive and progress, it ultimately benefits no one. Therefore, it’s essential to confront these issues, examine them, make amends to the best of one’s ability, and then set them aside. Clinging to past errors prevents personal growth,” May reflected.
Fame’s Impact on Family Dynamics
The celebrated musician also recognised that his prominent status as a rock icon complicated his children’s upbringing. May noted the challenges of raising children in the public eye, where their parent’s fame can cast a long shadow.
Unwanted Attention and False Friendships
“Parenting becomes exceptionally challenging when a parent is highly visible, as children often resent the unwanted attention it brings for the wrong reasons,” May explained. He highlighted the distressing issue of children forming relationships based on their parent’s celebrity rather than genuine connection. “Sometimes, children attract friends with ulterior motives, where the friend’s parent seeks proximity to me or similar. This is a detrimental experience for a child, making it a constant struggle to foster a normal upbringing.”
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Navigating Privilege and Fitting In
May disclosed that he sometimes deliberately withheld desired items from his children to help them integrate more easily with their peers. He aimed to prevent them from appearing privileged or out of touch.
Balancing Act of Parental Decisions
“I often found myself denying my children certain things they desired, fearing they would be perceived as ‘rich kids’,” the Queen guitarist revealed. May acknowledged the inherent uncertainty in parenting decisions, stating, “Again, one constantly questions the correctness of their choices, as achieving perfect parenting seems almost unattainable. Inevitably, missteps will occur.”
Divorce and Parental Separation
Brian May and Chrissie Mullen divorced in 1988. He has previously spoken about the emotional challenges of navigating access to his children following the marital separation.
Struggles with Access and Emotional Turmoil
“The situation with my children was the most devastating aspect, the feeling of losing them,” May recounted. He described the acrimony often associated with divorce proceedings and his personal struggle to maintain contact with his children. “Divorces frequently become contentious and filled with resentment, and I often found myself fighting for the right to see my children.”
Mental Health Strain During Divorce
May described the profound emotional impact of this period. “That, for me, was an ordeal I never wished to experience and found incredibly difficult to manage… Something within me collapsed… I had never sought professional help previously. I simply struggled through it and attempted to resolve it on my own,” he admitted.
Dark Times and Seeking Resolution
In a 2002 interview with The Mirror, May shared the intensity of his despair during that period, “I frequently came close to driving off Hammersmith Bridge. I was unable to cope.”