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Featured on the reality television program Love on the Spectrum, Tanner embarked on a quest for romance, navigating the complexities of dating while on the autism spectrum. Initially, he connected with Shyann, but both concluded a friendship would be more fitting after their initial meeting. However, a spark ignited with Callie, a 21-year-old advocate for individuals with Williams syndrome, a genetic condition characterized by developmental delays and distinct social behaviors.
A Budding Connection with Callie
Nicci, Tanner’s mother, describes Callie as a “new chapter,” revealing that their families recently dined together, fostering a pleasant atmosphere.
“The chemistry was palpable. They interact wonderfully, and we are curious to see where this relationship progresses,” Nicci stated. “They have visited us, and we are planning a trip to their home. Callie is eager to introduce Tanner to her world, complete with a pool and horses.”
Addressing Show Criticism
In a conversation with TODAY.com, Nicci addressed the critiques surrounding Love on the Spectrum’s depiction of dating within the autism community. Some viewers have focused particularly on participants described as “high-functioning.”
Understanding Tanner’s Journey
Nicci emphasized, “It’s important to recognize that Tanner’s current demeanor and social interactions are the result of extensive therapy,” highlighting the decades of applied behavior analysis (ABA) and other interventions that have shaped his development.
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“While Tanner is labeled as high-functioning,” Nicci clarified, “he encounters significant challenges that become apparent upon closer interaction. These challenges explain certain aspects of his life, such as why he does not possess a driver’s license.”
Acknowledging Diverse Experiences within the Autism Community
Nicci acknowledged the diverse realities within the autism community, recognizing that numerous families face immense difficulties raising children who may never achieve verbal communication or independent living.
She aims to amplify these diverse experiences through her podcast, “Talk to Me Sis,” co-hosted with Lise Smith, the mother of Connor Tomlinson, another participant on Love on the Spectrum. Like Tanner, Connor exhibits strong verbal skills and manages self-care effectively.
“Many caregivers are exhausted and emotionally drained, and their narratives deserve to be heard,” Nicci asserted. “We are not suggesting that autism is always a positive experience or minimizing the challenges. We acknowledge our fortunate circumstances, as our sons have demonstrated substantial growth potential and had a favorable outlook.”
Advice for Parents of Newly Diagnosed Children
Nicci also shared guidance for parents who have recently received an autism diagnosis for their child.
Navigating Early Intervention and Expectations
“When Tanner was diagnosed in the early 2000s, a gluten-free, casein-free diet was heavily promoted as an intervention. We diligently tried it. I was determined to ‘fix’ him and explored numerous purported cures,” Nicci recounted. “I mistakenly believed in a definitive resolution and felt it was my maternal duty to help him overcome his autism. I exhausted myself in the process.”
Reflecting on that period, Nicci now realizes much of her approach was misguided.
Embracing Acceptance and Understanding
“What Tanner truly needed was for us to slow down, identify his triggers, comprehend his sensory sensitivities, and learn effective strategies to support his self-help skills,” she explained. “I constantly searched for an external expert with all the answers. However, in autism, there is no universal solution. Success stems from consistency, sustained effort, and accepting that the optimal outcome may differ from initial expectations, yet still be profoundly meaningful. This realization took considerable time for me to grasp.”
She paused thoughtfully and concluded, “Instead of attempting to eliminate autism, we learned to nurture his potential and facilitate his growth.”