Importance Score: 35 / 100 🔵
Navigating family visits and partner objections can be challenging, especially in blended family situations. One reader seeks guidance on how to handle his partner’s resistance to visits from his adult children.
Dealing with Disagreements Over Adult Children Visits
Nine years prior, I relocated to live with my partner and her son. My two offspring, currently 19 and 23, remained with their mother, residing two hours away. They would visit us for four days each month. My partner now expresses disapproval of these visits. She argues that the children are too old, overly challenging – which is partially true, but not significantly so – and that their presence infringes upon her personal space. I believe this stance is unjust. We equally share all household expenses (mortgage, upkeep, utilities), and our home offers ample room. I feel my financial contributions should justify these visits. She has not restricted visits from her own college-aged son – nor would I. Instead, she suggests I accommodate my children in an Airbnb. However, this is costly, and she declines to share the expense. We have engaged in several intense disagreements regarding this matter. Seeking advice.
DAD
It appears there is an imbalance in the situation. While your financial logic, suggesting shared expenses should accommodate guests, is understandable, it’s clearly not resonating with your partner. It’s more crucial to explore why your partner, a parent to a young adult herself, seems unsupportive of your bond with your own adult children, who have been visiting regularly for nine years.
You briefly mention and then dismiss the idea that your children are “difficult.” However, if their challenging behavior is directed at your partner — manifesting as disrespect or unkindness — it could indeed impact her willingness to host monthly visits. Furthermore, consider the division of domestic labor. If your partner primarily manages cooking and cleaning, a responsibility often falling disproportionately on women, this could also be a contributing factor.
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These issues might not be the core reasons for your partner’s opposition. Engage in calm, continued dialogue—and actively listen—until you discern a rationale that is truly understandable. The notion that your children are “too old” to visit is not valid. Parental bonds endure beyond the age of 18. Suggesting you rent an Airbnb in your own town, while living in a spacious house, feels like a blatant rejection of your children. It is important to ascertain if she recognizes this implication. Continue the conversation, perhaps consider consulting a couples therapist, to reach a workable compromise for your blended family.
Birthday Party Hosting Etiquette: Is Self-Hosting Acceptable?
I am planning to celebrate my 70th birthday party by inviting friends for dinner at our home. I am aware of the traditional view that self-hosting parties is considered poor manners, but this notion seems outdated to me. May my husband, who is managing the invitations, request that, in lieu of gifts, I would appreciate hearing about my guests’ favorite travel destinations? My husband and I anticipate traveling more extensively after my retirement in May. I also recognize that requesting “no gifts” might be seen as presumptuous, assuming guests intended to bring presents. What are your thoughts on modern gift etiquette?
J.
It is certainly time to discard rigid conventions surrounding hosting and gift-giving—relics from antiquated party etiquette. Does it truly matter whether you organize your own birthday dinner or ask a friend to do so?
The most enjoyable birthday celebration I ever had was my own 40th birthday party, which I hosted myself. I even requested “no gifts, please” as I genuinely didn’t desire any—although I did send thank-you notes to those who brought them regardless. Moreover, I find your idea of soliciting travel recommendations as ‘gifts’ to be inspired. Proceed with the party you envision! (And happy early birthday wishes.)
Addressing Emotional Support Animal Misrepresentation in Public Spaces
My girlfriend had her dog designated as an emotional-support animal, despite openly admitting he is merely a pet. Yesterday, upon being denied entry to a restaurant because of the dog’s presence, she engaged in a dispute with the manager. I remained in the background. She argues that I should have defended her, but I am uncomfortable with her deception. Should I have disregarded my principles and sided with her?
BOYFRIEND
Absolutely not! A counterfeit service vest ordered online and an emotional-support animal card acquired from a virtual therapist do not constitute a legitimate service dog. Critically, a service dog is defined by its role in assisting an individual with a disability, for which it undergoes specialized training. Service animals fulfill essential functions, and accommodating self-serving pet owners is not among them. My sole critique is that you did not challenge your girlfriend’s fraudulent behavior earlier.
Deciding When to Disclose Medical History in New Relationships
Several years ago, shortly after my divorce, I received a cancer diagnosis. This effectively postponed any consideration of dating. I am now cancer-free and wish to begin dating. However, the risk of recurrence will persist for several years. At what point am I obligated to inform new dating partners about my medical history?
DATER
While I do not intend to downplay statistical probabilities (or your personal anxieties) regarding recurrence, it’s vital to remember that statistics are not predetermined fate. Life itself is inherently finite, regardless of specific diagnoses, though the precise timing remains unknown for all. I suggest disclosing your medical history when your connections become more intimate—when you begin sharing deeper personal details regarding past relationships, family matters, and other significant life experiences, both positive and negative. Wishing you the best in your dating endeavors!
For assistance with your awkward situations, please direct your questions to [email protected], Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on X.