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Finding Strength After Loss: How Boxing Became Anna Whitwham’s Grief Therapy
For Anna Whitwham, the profound sorrow of losing her mother to cancer found an unexpected channel of expression: boxing. This journey through grief led her into the demanding world of the ring, where she discovered not only physical resilience but also a supportive community that became a crucial part of her coping mechanism.
While her dedication to boxing resulted in injuries such as a bruised kidney and a dislocated jaw, Anna’s commitment to the sport deepened. The boxing community offered her a sense of belonging, becoming what she describes as “the mother I can’t have.”
Navigating Grief: The Onset of Loss
The death of Anna’s mother from lung cancer in October 2020 dramatically altered her life. “My mum was such a powerhouse, so strong-willed,” Anna, 43, residing in London, recalls. “Witnessing her three-year battle with lung cancer was a horrific experience. It was like watching her body gradually fail.”
“Towards the end, speaking became difficult for her because of the tumor’s location. She became frail, with persistent sores that wouldn’t heal. It felt like her physical being was fading away. The pain of losing my mother wasEarth-shattering.”
During the pandemic, Anna engaged in online boxing sessions, initially to boost her fitness and to “maintain momentum while caring for Mum”.
Embracing Boxing: A Coping Strategy
Anna, a single mother, experienced a pivotal moment in July 2021 when her daughter Sylvie, then seven, was accepted into a dance summer program in New York. During their stay, Anna encountered Gleason’s boxing gym and began intensive training.
“It started as a way to cope. I needed to navigate the intense sadness. Boxing became an outlet for my anger, which was incredibly helpful.”
A key aspect of boxing’s appeal was the stark contrast it provided to her mother’s declining health. Anna found empowerment in her growing physical strength.
“Witnessing my body become stronger, enduring injuries and then recovering, was profoundly therapeutic. My mother couldn’t heal, and I was constantly experiencing healing, which was a significant part of the process.”
Into the Ring: Training and Tribulations
Upon returning to London, Anna sought out a boxing trainer and started training three times each week.
“One aspect I truly enjoyed was the transformation of my physique, which happened rapidly. I appreciated the development of new muscle and definition. I felt more comfortable in my body than ever before, incredibly empowered.”
Her training intensified as she prepared for her first charity boxing match in April 2022. Anna secured a swift victory in the charity event. This served as preparation for a subsequent fight where she was determined to dominate her opponent.
During that more aggressive fight, an opponent’s blow to Anna’s ear caused her to lose balance and collapse. She lost the match and suffered not only bruises but also a concussion, leading to a period of depression and a four-week break from training.
“The most disturbing symptom was brain fog,” she explains. “Head trauma induces a depressive state. After the second fight, I questioned if I wanted to continue.”
Support and Setbacks: Continuing the Fight
Sylvie witnessed her mother’s defeat that night and, surprisingly, encouraged her to continue boxing.
“She saw people congratulating me, saying, ‘That was incredible! What a match!’ So, she encouraged me to fight again,” Anna recounts.
“I would support her if she wanted to box. Watching her get hit would be hard, but it would be her decision.”
Facing blows became commonplace for Anna. A sparring session at her boxing club resulted in a dislocated jaw, giving “the sensation that the bones on the left side of my face were crushed.”
In another instance, a match with a male boxer led to soft tissue damage around her kidney. “At the walk-in clinic, the nurse looked at my injuries and questioned, ‘What are you doing? You shouldn’t be sustaining injuries like this,’ and I felt a strange sense of shame.”
After sparring with her gym’s top female boxer, Anna believed she had broken her nose. Her eyes bruised rapidly, and she needed to use saline nasal irrigation to sleep.
However, she maintains a philosophical view about her injuries. “You can’t step into a boxing ring expecting to remain untouched,” she states, adding that her most frustrating injury was a persistent cut on her finger. “It wouldn’t heal and was incredibly painful! It hurt with every training session, a relentless, raw cut.”
Any physical discomfort was outweighed by the sense of camaraderie she cultivated at the gym.
Community and Closure: Finding Nurture in the Ring
“There were trainers and fellow boxers; you build relationships. During sparring, people would offer support, saying, ‘I’ll be in your corner, Anna,’ providing guidance and assistance.”
“I felt incredibly supported. It’s a community. During sparring, they’d retie my hair if it came undone, manage my hand wraps. If I had a nosebleed, tissues were ready. If I cried, I received hugs. It was comforting to have that nurturing environment.”
Ultimately, concerns about lasting physical harm prompted Anna to stop fighting.
“I pushed my body as far as it could go during that phase of my life when I needed to explore those limits. It was necessary, it was cathartic. It benefited me immensely.”
“I have no regrets. I miss the intensity, the physical contact. I miss the bruises, the scrapes. They were constant reminders of the emotional processing underway.”
Anna also ceased training last year to prioritize a new relationship. “The comfort of a healthy, secure relationship changed my perception of my body,” she says.
“Boxing demands a significant commitment. It’s constant training. At that stage, I no longer wanted to impose that on my body.”
However, Anna has recently returned to boxing, sparring twice a week. She remains eternally grateful for boxing’s role in helping her navigate the intense grief following her mother’s death.
“Boxing enabled me to progress through the stages of grief. I feel a gentler connection to my mum now, less harsh. It’s a softer sadness. I feel her presence more strongly, as if she hasn’t truly left.”