Parents of Lilie James Share Devastating Grief at Inquest
The parents of Lilie James, the water polo coach who was murdered, have conveyed their profound grief in a deeply emotional statement delivered at the coronial inquest into her death.
Call for Education on Respect and Consent
Peta and Jamie James also underscored the critical need to educate young boys about “respecting and valuing a woman’s opinion and choices.” They cautioned that failing to do so could lead to tragic repercussions.
“If we are not instructing boys on how to appreciate and value a woman’s viewpoints and decisions, and to accept rejection, we risk setting them up for failure – or, as in our situation, for a moment in time from which we will never recover,” the statement read.
Unforgettable Night of Loss
“That night will haunt us forever. It was utterly devastating. We have lost a cherished daughter of whom we are immensely proud.”
In a direct address to their deceased daughter, they added: “To Lilie, we promise you one thing: We will always love you and never forget you.”
vCard.red is a free platform for creating a mobile-friendly digital business cards. You can easily create a vCard and generate a QR code for it, allowing others to scan and save your contact details instantly.
The platform allows you to display contact information, social media links, services, and products all in one shareable link. Optional features include appointment scheduling, WhatsApp-based storefronts, media galleries, and custom design options.
Details of the Murder and Investigation
Discovery of Lilie James’ Body
James’s body was discovered with severe head injuries in a gymnasium restroom at St Andrew’s Cathedral School in October 2023, where she was employed as a water polo coach.
Her parents remembered her as “beautiful, independent, intelligent, loyal, and exceptionally active, possessing a sharp wit and a smile that could brighten any room.”
Coercive Control Prior to Murder
The inquest heard that Paul Thijssen had attempted to control, manipulate, and gaslight James as she sought to end their brief relationship in the days leading up to her murder, which he committed using a hammer.
Search and Discovery of Paul Thijssen
Police immediately launched a search for 23-year-old Thijssen, who worked at the school as a sports coach and after-hours coordinator. His body was found in the ocean below cliffs in Sydney’s eastern suburbs several days later.
Inquest Focuses on Coercive Control
The court was previously informed that Thijssen stalked James and meticulously planned her murder following increasing tensions and the breakdown of their short, informal relationship.
On its third day, the inquest received testimony from Kate Fitz-Gibbon, director of the Monash Gender and Family Violence Prevention Centre, and Anna Butler, manager of the NSW domestic violence death review team. Both experts affirmed that Thijssen had exerted coercive control over James.
Expert Testimony on Manipulative Tactics
“She was attempting to establish boundaries within the relationship and extricate herself from it,” Butler stated.
“He engaged in behaviors that denied her autonomy and agency as she tried to leave. He employed manipulative and emotionally abusive tactics to undermine her sense of self. He gaslit her and used derogatory language as she resisted his control.”
Examples of Coercive Control
- Butler cited instances such as seven episodes of physical stalking in the days preceding James’s death.
- Footage of Thijssen aggressively arguing with her on school grounds was also referenced.
Technology-Facilitated Abuse
Fitz-Gibbon highlighted Thijssen’s digital stalking, including tracking James’s location through apps like Snapchat, as an instance of “technology-facilitated abuse.”
“Monitoring across various platforms, including diverse social media products, is widely recognized as a form of digital coercive control,” she explained.
Triggers and Escalation
Fitz-Gibbon suggested that Thijssen’s loss of “control over numerous aspects of his life” was a probable “trigger point.” This marked a shift “from attempting to manage and maintain control within a relationship to a post-separation escalation.”
Snapchat Account and Loss of Control
She pointed to the exposure of a fake Snapchat account created by Thijssen in the days before James’s murder as a significant event. Thijssen had created the account under the name of an acquaintance he was flirting with, outside his relationship with James.
James and a friend uncovered the account and confronted Thijssen, who falsely claimed that the acquaintance had created it to stalk him.
“He reaches a point where he has lost control of many areas of his life. We observe this in relation to lies, education, visa challenges, and the discovered Snapchat account,” Fitz-Gibbon informed the inquest.
“Humiliation is a particularly difficult emotion for someone who is trying to control the aspects of their lives to confront.”
Stressors in Thijssen’s Life
The court had previously heard that Thijssen may have been experiencing several stressors leading up to the events, including uncertainty surrounding his work visa.
Thijssen was raised in the Netherlands and initially resided in Australia with his parents from 2015 to 2017. He became sports captain and prefect at St Andrew’s.
He had returned to Australia multiple times before the attack. The court also heard earlier in the week about a prior incident where Thijssen stalked and intimidated a former girlfriend who attempted to end their relationship, hacking her Snapchat account and punching a tree above her head.
Support Services
-
For crisis support in Australia, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. For domestic violence counseling, call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732. International helplines are available via www.befrienders.org