A former Mormon couple has opened up about how they maintained their marriage after the husband came out as a transgender woman – despite admitting that they lost several friends from within the strict religion as a result.
Amanda and Shaye Scott, from Utah, both grew up in Mormon families and began their romance when they were just 15 years old. However, while their dedication to one another has only grown stronger since Shaye, 39, came out as trans, they admit that her decision prompted them to quit the ultra-strict religion, revealing how it triggered a ‘faith deconstruction’.
Although happily married and a parent to three kids, Shaye, 39, said she’s known she was transgender since she was three.
However, she had never been able to properly articulate how she truly felt – until coming across the phrase ‘gender dysphoria’ online in 2019.
Shaye Scott, 39, began HRT in 2023. The 39-year-old says she has known she’s transgender since she was three
Amanda and Shaye (pictured on their wedding day) have been together since they were 15-year-old – and continue to love each other
Instantly, she knew it described exactly how she felt – despite hesitation around how it would affect her three children and her wife.
However, knowing that she couldn’t hide her true self, she chose to be honest with her wife, and was overjoyed when Amanda voiced her full support, with the pair deciding to pursue their marriage in a new way.
Shaye adopted she and her pronouns and started hormone replacement therapy – HRT – to help alleviate her gender dysphoria.
‘After coming out in 2019 it started out with doing nothing and then I eventually decided to do hormone replacement therapy, but I had no intention of socially transitioning,’ Shaye recalled.
‘But throughout therapy and talking to Amanda we decided to schedule a date with a surgeon for a year later.’
In 2023, Shaye decided to undergo social transition and have facial feminization surgery.
Amanda, who works as an English teacher, added that she finds Shaye presenting as a female is ‘beautiful’, noting that she has become more ‘fluid’ in her attractions since her partner came out.
Shaye adopted she and her pronouns and started on hormone replacement therapy -HRT – to help alleviate her gender dysphoria
After Shaye came out to her, Amanda decided to stay with her long-term partner – and says she has become more ‘fluid’ in what she’s attracted to
Shaye decided it was time to tell Amanda how she felt, and was thrilled when Amanda was supportive if her news- embarking on their new relationship
‘It’s been a journey of discovery for both of us,’ she admitted.
‘The narrative around having a spouse come out like this is people think it’s deceptive but a lot of the time people just don’t have the language to express themselves,’ she pointed out.
Shaye agreed, saying they’ve become closer as a couple, despite being such a ‘raw and difficult’ situation – but says it was never a question of if they’d stay together.
‘We’ve known each other since we were kids and she’s my person,’ Shaye said fondly.
‘I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt her and vice versa,’ she continued. ‘One of the biggest things for me throughout this was the emphasis put on attraction – would Amanda still be attracted to me?’
However, while the pair’s relationship has gone from strength-to-strength, they admit that Shaye coming out prompted them to rethink their connection to the Mormon Church, with the pair ultimately deciding to quit the religion.
‘Coming to terms with being transgender started a faith deconstruction for us,’ they explained.
The couple eventually decided to tell their kids about Shaye’s transition and Amanda says their eldest began using Shaye’s pronouns without being asked.
‘0ur daughter started using she/her pronouns without asking,’ Amanda said proudly. ‘Our two youngest, our boys, have been amazing with it. And they talk about it so comfortably because they’re so comfortable with Shaye.’
The couple eventually decided to tell their kids about Shaye’s transition and Amanda says their eldest began using Shaye’s pronouns without being asked (Shaye Scott pictured before having facial feminization surgery in April 2023)
Shaye and Amanda said they’ve become closer as a couple, despite being such a ‘raw and difficult’ situation – but says it was never a question of if they’d stay together
‘The kids have been amazing.’ Amanda gushed. ‘They love people for people and we’ve tried to be very sensitive to their feelings.’
The couple says they think they’ve been ‘so strong’ because they have felt secure that their family unit would be okay.
‘All [the kids] got was a more authentic person of me, they haven’t lost anything,’ Shaye shared, adding their therapist said they’re kids will be fine as long as as they’re told what’s going on.
However, their Mormon background means they have lost friends along the way but say their families have mostly been supportive.
‘The tenets of these religions are about doing good to others but for whatever policy reasons that doesn’t always extend to all,’ Amanda reflected sadly.
‘There’s also so many religious people who chose the people first thing.
‘That’s the crux of sometimes what is unfortunate about religion.
‘Goodness is put in a box and looks a certain way.
‘Change is hard for people and it’s been a process but I think we’re in a pretty good place with our families at the moment,’ Amanda shared.
‘It was challenging for them at the start but as time has gone on they’ve become more loving and accepting,’ Shayne added.
Amanda also acknowledged that not everyone could stay together like she and Shaye did – but she loves her regardless of her gender.
‘It doesn’t work that way for everybody and that’s totally acceptable but for me, Shaye is my person and every marriage has challenges but when you have that love and commitment to each other then it works,’ Amanda said simply.