Want a good time in the bedroom? Then avoid these men at all costs, because how they make their money can dictate how skilled they are in the bedroom too….and the surprising profession that will drive you wild with desire.
With a decade as a high class escort firmly tucked under my suspender belt, if anyone understands men, it’s me.
I hear their secrets and stories. I’ve seen them cry, and I’ve witnessed them lie. I know what they love in women, and I know what turns them off. And I know they’re not perfect either.
What they do for work can determine their skills in the bedroom. Last week I gave you the top five in bed, here are the five to avoid.
Disclaimer: Don’t shoot the messenger. This is firmly tongue in cheek.
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Samantha X has revealed the worst performers in the bedroom – including the one profession most likely to be more obsessed with themselves
1) Celebrities
I sat back in shock as a multi-millionaire Hollywood celebrity try to negotiate my fee, and another movie star spent hours quoted lines to his films while I was trying to sleep. But the general rule is: usually the bigger the name, the more experienced they are.
It’s the D listers you want to be careful of; especially reality stars and TV hosts. Unfortunately, the biggest package they bring to their bedroom is their ego. Make sure there is a mirror nearby so he can make bedroom eyes – at his own reflection.
He is great with his fingers; it’s all that practice scrolling through his own Instagram account, and as for sweet nothings in your ear? ‘You’re so lucky,’ and ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ will be the whispers you hear.
2) Entrepreneurs
When a man tells you he is an entrepreneur, what he is really saying is ‘no one else will work with me.’
He has grand ideas in the bedroom, which usually amount to nothing, and there is nothing worse than meanness: don’t expect to be wined and dined; this man will not only expect you to pay but ask to borrow large sums of money for his latest big idea. One thing he’s good at: disappearing.
Samantha X rates tradies but says entrepreneurs will leave you disappointed (stock images)
3) Psychiatrists
If it’s complex mind games you like, the psychiatrist is your man. He will have you second guessing yourself and convincing yourself you’re mad before he’s taken his clothes off (which he will fold neatly and very slowly).
He will try to always exert control over you and will spend hours trying to trick you into believing you’re the crazy one, just like all his exes. Great for fantasy; the bizarre statements he comes out with will blow your mind. Freud would have a field day.
4) Salesmen
Never trust a man who keeps calling you by your name in every sentence. It’s not only a sales trick into creating faux intimacy, but because he trying to remember who you are.
Their phones are always off, and they disappear ‘to see a man about a dog’ from lunch time onwards, especially when his commission comes in. He will promise you the earth, but you won’t see him for dust.
5) Stockbrokers
I said when God created psychopaths, he created lawyers. When he created stockbrokers, he created ego.
They’re usually well dressed, but badly behaved. They move in packs, usually around city bars, and while they’re generous with buying the drinks, (what better way to flaunt their bonus) their eye is always on the next best thing.
Samantha X – a former $1500 an hour call girl – revealed a man’s job can dictate what kind of lover he is, and listed her least favourite professions
You will get a good time, not a long time. And they never come home at night.
And the surprising profession that will drive you wild?
Tradies. Tradies love women mainly because they spend day in, day out with men. They’re good with their hands (just make sure they wash them first), have an impressive tool kit, and usually fit and strong.
They’re independent – ie they can make their own lunch – and usually family men. Despite driving like maniacs, they take their time in the bedroom. His early morning starts mean he’s home with you in the afternoon. He’s at his best before his first beer.