England v New Zealand: second Test, day three – live!

“It’s hard to believe Moon Safari is 22 years old,” snivels Paul Howarth. “I remember buying it in HMV just reading the description, they were pushing French music and bands ahead of the World Cup.”

When I was a student, there was a point of the night – OK, morning – at which only Moon Safari would do, “Are we ready for Air yet?” a recurring question until it was unanimously agreed that enough had been had.

Lunchtime email: “It’s so good to see the old Joe Root back at the crease,” says Dean Kinsella. “His form was obviously still incredible during his captaincy travails but his body language today and at Lord’s last week is so markedly different. A lightness of movement between deliveries, a readiness to smile, loose shoulders plus the choice of shots he is taking on. All so reminiscent of the young Joe. Here’s to a shedload more centuries to come…”

He is going to score a silly number of runs, and I wonder if Kane Williamson is thinking he might bin the captaincy too.

Alex Lees will be hurting after giving his wicket away when looking very settled, but he contributed a useful knock, earned his maiden fifty, and batted better than he has done for England. Anyhow, I’ll be back shortly – in the meantime, enjoy your lunch.

54th over: England 195-2 (Pope 84, Root 35) Aaaarggghhh! Root tries to cut from too close to his body, top edges … and Southee, at two, tips it over the bar! Boult, in his follow-through, is already heaving with laughter, then the ball runs away for four … and then Root square-drives the final ball of the sesh for four! That’s as good a morning as England will have hoped for, 105 runs, one wicket down, and two set batters returning after the break.

53rd over: England 186-2 (Pope 83, Root 27) Pope will be wanting to see more action and he drives through point for one, then Root flicks Southee to midwicket for three. It’s so easy for him – watching him bat is like listening to Moon Safari – and Pope could do with it on. He’s getting a bit frenetic, racing through for a single as the throw comes in from cover – Root gets home, just.

“Ted Dexter was notoriously hard to get an autograph from in his pomp,” says David Ballard. “During his time as England captain, aged about 11, I managed it at Bristol. There were typically only six autographs given out during each three-day county championship match: one for each of the youngsters who carried his (rather heavy) kit from his car to the changing room at the beginning and the end of each day’s play (assuming Glos lasted that long – never a certainty). I grabbed one of the coveted slots and was duly rewarded in a rather transactional and stand-offish way. Not a great conversationalist, but I felt that I’d got the jewel among autographs.”

Did he sign E or T Dexter?

52nd over: England 181-2 (Pope 81, Root 24) Pope has faced 30 deliveries in the last 15 overs, we learn after two of this latest Boult effort; he sends the fourth to mid off and runs one, slowly wriggling his way to three figures. The partnership is now 34 from 62.

51st over: England 180-2 (Pope 80, Root 24) Pope takes one to mid off, then Root flashes and groans … but edges four high through slip nevertheless. He’s dominating out there, allowing Pope to take stock – or get nervous, depending on how you look at things.

“This is how you please your fans,” returns Jeremy Boyce, “the great Peter Sagan in mid-stage of the Tour de France…”

50th over: England 175-2 (Pope 79, Root 20) Boult returns, over the wicket to Root, and his third ball is hit hard but straight to the man. No matter – after one cramps him, Root goes with the swing and absolutely zetzes a fuller one through cover for four. He’s in, it’s fair to say, and greets the next ball with a cover drive too … but picks out the fielder again.

49th over: England 171-2 (Pope 79, Root 16) Pope, becalmed in recent overs, eases a single to backward point, then Southee persuades one to leave Root, an absolute beauty. But it goes into the book as a dot, then Root flips one to midwicket, and he looks so comfy out there it’s just an absolute joke.

“Mention of the underrated David Allen reminds me of him turning out in a charity match for my village’s team in Gloucestershire in the mid 1980s, long after his playing days,” says Mike Collier. “Hearing a genuine England player was just around the corner I raced up to the ground and spotted him fielding on the boundary.I approached and asked for his autograph as the over ended.”Hang on a minute,” he said, stepped in to the long grass, turned his back and let rip with the most impressive and prolonged bit of bladder-venting I have ever witnessed. Got his autograph though!”

48th over: England 169-2 (Pope 78, Root 15) You’ve got to laugh. Henry tries to tuck Root up, so Root opens the face and uses the pace to send four racing through third man. In comms, Swann notes that Justin Langer enjoyed that shot, and also telling the bowler about it as he ran through – but Root doesn’t need to chat, everyone knows what’s up.

“Confirming that DK is more than a pushover when it comes to autograph hunters,” says Paul Mills, “I was at Hove in 1975, aged 12, to see Tony Greig smash him around a bit. I got Lillee’s autograph early in the day when he came down to field at long leg. Then I was hanging round the ground after the day’s play, when who should come up and ask me if I wanted his moniker. “No thanks mate, I’ve already got it.”

I love this – imagine having and having reason to have confidence of that ilk. “Would you like my autograph?” I’m going to try it on my wife when I’m finished here.

47th over: England 165-2 (Pope 78, Root 11) Jamieson sends down a maiden, and there’ve not been many of those this morning – that’s just the second.

46th over: England 165-2 (Pope 78, Root 11) Five dots, then Henry drops a tad short and wide, which is all that Root needs to ease back and mash him through square leg for four. He is quite good at cricket.

“Thirty something years ago, Sussex were playing NZ at Hove,” recalls Geoff Wignall. “Richard Hadlee was nursing a minor injury so a non-participant. During a quiet spell of the match my son and a couple of friends, all junior members, were in the nets when the great man happened to stroll by. Upon being approached by an ordinarily shy 12 year-old with a bowling question, he took off his blazer, gave a 20 minute tutorial on seam and wrist position and left behind some very elated schoolboys. I can’t think of another sport where something similar would happen. (Note to younger readers: at the time Hadlee had a good claim to being the world’s best cricketer.)”

that is brilliant.

45th over: England 161-2 (Pope 78, Root 7) Pope pulls a single to backward square, then Root bumps one to cover and sets off. These two could bat well together – they’re not dissimilar, which isn’t what I’d look for to begin with – players who want to score and defend in different areas are hardest for bowlers – but the ability to manipulate ball, strike and scoreboard is a handy one. Pope then takes two to fine leg, and he’s settled here.

“I remember my young son at a Sheffield Shield game at the SCG going to get Merv Hughes’ autograph,” says Joe Glaysher. “From a distance, at the opportune moment I called out ‘Hey Sam! How do you know he can write?’ He still has the autograph and the memories of his embarrassing father.”

44th over: England 157-2 (Pope 75, Root 6) Henry offers Root room and he doesn’t need asking twice, clumping four through mid off, then a wobble-ball foxes Blundell, it leaps out, hurts his finger, and they run two byes. Don’t laugh.

“Accurate lookalikes are all well and good, but tenuous ones are much more worthwhile,” reckons Alex Newcombe, “i.e.England Coach Brendon McCullum and WWE’s Rhea Ripley.”

In fairness, this was better with the photos Alex sent – the below is all our library permits me.

43rd over: England 151-2 (Pope 75, Root 2) Daryl Mitchell will be relieved he took that catch after yesterday’s shenaniga, but can one bring two? Pope again sends the ball to square leg inadvertently – they run two – then leaves one that trims the fibres of his off stump! He’ll be able to smell the applause as he waves his bat to the crowd; can he make it?

42nd over: England 149-2 (Pope 73, Root 2) Joe Root emerges to cheers, racing out to the middle and squirting his first ball into the on side for two. But Henry responds superbly, digging one in that lifts and does everything but take the edge.

“At the tender age of 11,” says Martin Wright, “I caught the bus to Lord’s, clutching my autograph book in my hand. I turned up early after a tip that if you were lucky, you could catch players on their way to nets. So I was thrilled to run into Mike Brearley and Clive Radley, along with some teenager who I didn’t recognise. Brears and Radley very willingly signed my book, and I passed it to the teenager who looked surprised: “Do you want mine as well?”. Brearley laughed and said something like, ‘Of course he does, you’ll be famous one day.’ So the youth duly signed: ‘P.H. Edmonds’. That was probably the most polite he ever was on a cricket ground…”

And imagine a wife writing the books Frances did now. That’d be something.

WICKET! Lees c Mitchell b Henry 67 (England 147-2)

42nd over: England 147-1 (Lees 67, Pope 73) We go again, Henry bowling…

“Just a quick defence of Mike Procter,” tweets Harry. “He was always happy to sign autographs after play at the Cheltenham Festival in the late 70s before retreating to the cider tent. Guess the previous contributor caught him on the wrong day.”

Yup, people are people – we’re mainly nice, and occasionally we stray – all of us.

41st over: England 147-1 (Lees 67, Pope 73) Another one to Pope, then Lees goes back to force another four through gully. He’s batted so positively this morning, adding two then one, and will know that, as we take drinks, there’s an opportunity not only for a ton but to secure his spot in the side for the remainder of the summer. I’ve no idea how you contemplate that without totally losing the run of yourself; I’m losing the run of myself contemplating that on his behalf.

“An alternative topic for the OBO might be meeting professional cricketers that turn out to be nice chaps,” returns Steve Hudson. “I was lucky enough to play with Jeff Jones (ex-Glam and England, father of Simon) and Euros Lewis (ex-Glam and ex-Sussex). Both extremely nice, pleasant blokes, and the latter also had an enviable capacity for Old English Cider and roll-ups.”

I cone interviewed Alastair Cook, who was great – though we were talking about darts, and when he left, a member of England’s media team told me “Oh must’ve told you about that he used to have an oche in his lounge, which his wife invited him to cede when she moved in.”

Er no, he didn’t. Cheers, Chef.

40th over: England 139-1 (Lees 60, Pope 72) New Zealand have loads of runs with which to play but they’ll not be happy with their morning so far. A leg bye is followed by one to Pope, then a superfine leg-glance from Lees adds four more. In comms, Simon Doull notes that given the number of catches we’ve seen dropped, this might’ve been a much lower-scoring match, but the speed of the outfield and flatness of the surface are such that a positive result looks increasingly unlikely.

“Many years ago at, I think Trent Bridge,” says Gary, “Rod Marsh and Dennis Lillie were chatting to a friend, post play. They were hairy and scary. I was very young. Held out my quivering autograph book. They switched their attention to me and were charm personified. Chatted and set me at ease. Lillie was definitely scarier with the ball in his hand!”

39th over: England 133-1 (Lees 56, Pope 71) Jamieson into the attack, and after a leg bye loosener, Lees rises onto tippy-toes to glide a four to the square leg fence which raises his debut Test fifty! What a feeling that must be, but there’s work to be done here and he immediately drives two more into the off side, then takes a quick one to mid on. He looks a much better player here than he did in the winter.

38th over: England 125-1 (Lees 49, Pope 71) Pope edges a single to square leg, the only run off the over.

“In the early 70s I saw Sir Geoffrey Boycott score a ton against Glamorgan in the John Player League at Colwyn Bay,” recalls Steve Hudson. “As he walked off at the end of the innings, I raced over and asked him ‘Please sir can I have your autograph?’ Boycs didn’t break stride or even glance. ‘No, p*ss off’ he said. I was young and naive enough to be surprised.”

He’s a no-nonsense Yorkshireman!

37th over: England 124-1 (Lees 49, Pope 70) A single to each batsman, then Lees drives two to cover before chasing a wide one, a thick outside edge sending the ball flying between gully and two for four. This has been a terrific start for England.

“I am taking Benedict Carter’s supposed recollection of his experience as a 10-year-old with a certain amount of salt,” emails David Stewart. “I first came across Mike Procter at an event in Durban on Christmas Day 2016, raising money for the charity he runs on behalf of orphaned children via a primary school just to the north of the city. I subsequently became his UK representative for the next four years. Like all of us he has his faults, but I never found him less than gentlemanly and well mannered. Perhaps either a hangover on his part, or creative/faulty memory on the part of your poster.”

We’d all be silly to judge anyone based on one interaction.

36th over: England 116-1 (Lees 42, Pope 69) It’s actually Matt Henry into the attack, replacing Boult, and after five dots, Pope twinkles down and flicks four through square leg! He’s enjoying this, so expect an airy drive to mid off anytime now.

“+1 for Ray East,” says Andy Taylor. “The book was great, and he was an excellent mimic of other cricketers (probably distracting enough for the opposition’s batters to get them out more easily). Recovering from a trip to ABBA Voyage last night – if this test does go wrong for England then I recommend it to the boost the mood like little else.”

England’s slippers would do well to heed the message of Take A Chance.

35th over: England 112-1 (Lees 42, Pope 65) Pope adds one to fine leg, then Lees wafts outside off and gets nowhere near. I wonder if we might see Kyle Jamieson soon, because England are doing alright.

“Echoing Benedict Carter,” tweets Guy Hornsby, “I was an eager teen at the 1989 Ashes at the Oval (disclosure: we got walloped) and got most of my heroes autographs (and some Aussies, heh) Apart from Boonie, who told us to “f*** off”. I was shocked at the time. Now, not so much.”

I’m enjoying this riff. When have you been dissed by a cricketing legend? Let us know! Also, wasn’t the 1989 Oval Test drawn?

34th over: England 111-1 (Lees 42, Pope 64) My system somehow deletes my update for this over, so please bear with me. But Woakes was right – the pitch is slower – because Pope edges … and the ball drops short of Mitchell at slip! Two to mid off follow, raising the 100 partnership, then tempted by a tempter hung outside off, Pope chases and gets enough to send four through cover. He adds one more while, in the box, Nas asks Woakes about Anderson’s fitness regimen and I recall reading that every now and again, as a reward for his ludicrous efforts, he allows himself a square of Dairy Milk. A square.

33rd over: England 104-1 (Lees 42, Pope 57) Pope is playing the ball really close to his body, seeing away a decent over from Southee and adding another single to square leg.

“I agree with you about Swann,” says Rollo Treadway. “However, whereas the top order and the other bowlers may have been replaceable, I’d argue that – along with Swann – Matt Prior was just as critical to those successes. His keeping could be replaced, sure, he was never the best keeper available. But a good number 7 makes a world of difference to a batting side, building on a strong start to flatten the opposition, or rebuilding carefully with the tail when things haven’t gone well. Prior was the best seven England have had during my time, and by a distance.”

Can’t argue with that. I remember being stood in the Long Room once, when India came to Lord’s in 2011. Morgan and Prior came out to bat after lunch, Morgan all flinty-eyed and serious, Prior like he was having a doss with his mates. Morgan went shortly afterwards for 19, Prior hammered an unbeaten 103.

32nd over: England 103-1 (Lees 42, Pope 56) Boult forces Pope to dig out a nip-backer, then a single follows to square leg and this is a decent start for the home side, both batsmen re-established at the crease. Or, put another way, the collapse is imminent.

“As Swann looks like Colin Montgomerie,” emails Andrew Benton, “perhaps I can point you to the uncanny likeness between Jimmy Anderson and Dirk Bogarde”.

31st over: England 102-1 (Lees 42, Pope 55) Lees is in great touch here, and when Southee, coming from around, offers width, he leans on it to send the ball hurtling to the fence fo fo. That’s England’s hunnert up and Lees into the forties for the first time in a Test. He’ll be pleading with himself not to waste this start, and just as I type it he shapes to leave the final delivery of the over, then half-bats it when reverse-swing forces the change.

30th over: England 98-1 (Lees 38, Pope 55) This is a good over from Boult, who induces an edge from Pope which drops short – in co-comms, Woakes reckons the pitch has slowed up – then beats the outside edge of an airy drive. Maiden.

“Autographs,” begins Benedict Carter. “I can’t say the same good things about Mike Procter, who I asked for his autograph in around 1973. I was 10. He said, as the piece of paper and a pen were thrust at him, “F*** off little boy, we are here to play cricket!”

I’ve a not dissimilar tale from 1991, waiting for autographs at Lord’s following day four of the Sri Lanka Test. Out came England’s star man and a phalanx of kids immediately surrounded him, so he said “Get out the way or I’ll trample your heads into the ground”. I did, though, get him to write his name on my scorecard.

29th over: England 98-1 (Lees 38, Pope 55) This could be a long day of toil for New Zealand’s bowlers – they might have to take the extra half-hour at stumps to see if they can finish England off, etcetera etcetera. Southee tries a succession of outswingers to Pope, who leaves the majority, seeing out five dots before turning a single into the on side to retain strike.

28th over: England 97-1 (Lees 38, Pope 54) It’s Boult from the other end and Pope shoves his third delivery through cover for three – this outfield is absolutely rapid.

“Yes, you should read ‘The Breaks Are Off’, Swann’s (ghosted) autobiography as it’s a great story,” returns John Starbuck. “The title is worth it alone, being a double pun. I suspect there’s an agency somewhere dreaming up such titles. I also recall, from the 1980s, Ray East’s ‘A Funny Turn’, also recommended for a good laugh and plenty of details about the mad stuff happening in Essex CCC.”

It’d never previously occurred to be that Kurtis Blow is a cricket fan. But why wouldn’t he be?

27th over: England 94-1 (Lees 38, Pope 51) Southee opens up and his third ball is wide, so Lees clouts it on the up through cover-point – that’s a lovely way to get going of a morning (apparently). No need to run for those, the four that ensues the only scoring shot in the over.

“Fred Titmus? David Allen? Ray Illingworth?” wonders John Wilson. “Swanny lucky to come in the top five. Swanny big on mouth, big on bluster, mediocre bowler.”

I didn’t see the others you name, but I strongly disagree on Swann, who was a brilliant bowler for England and absolutely irreplaceable in a team that became the world’s best.

“I had the pleasure of meeting Deadly once, in the mid 60s when I was a nipper,” emails Jeremy Boyce. “Grandpa took us all to Headingley for the Saturday of a Windies Test. I was collecting autographs and after close of play spotted Deadly sitting near the front of a stand next to the pavilion, so went and asked. He was a totally nice gent, spent five minutes asking me about the match and whether I played cricket (yes, badly), signed his autograph nicely, a great man. And a demon bowler with a unique style, bowling left arm medium-slow-fast off about 12 paces of run-up, not many fewer than Richard Hadlee. Economical and frequently unplayable. Those were the days…”

The players are with us…

“Pope alas will not survive long because he is a player who lives on his nerves,” reckons Ian Copestake, “and has had the whole night to dwell on whatever problem having scored 50 runs presents to a person who lives on their nerves.”

I’m not sure. He looks to me like a player who always knew he was going to make it because their his talent is so resplendent, only to hit an unexpected bump – he’s Ian Bell, basically. I’m still hopeful for him.

Swann says he thinks Leach is a potentially world-class spinner, but he doesn’t think he is, landing the ball but not working out batsmen in the way he can in the county game. I’d love this to be the case; it’ll beed to happen soon, because Matt Parkinson can’t be far away.

“Swann averaged a tad under 30, although he took a great many wickets,” says James Debens, “but I’d always pick Root. To be averaging about 15 runs more than the players he’s been with for the past few years is astonishing. It’s such a gulf in class. The 2021 Root batting in the 2010-11 would probably have averaged 70. He’s easily the best batter that England have had in the past 50 years. The stats don’t lie. I think Mo, Monty and others get an unfair shout.”

Obviously Root is brilliant, but I think I could be alright with Trescothick, Cook, Gower, KP ands Bell, say. Who’s my spinner if I’ve not got Swann? On which point, I still think Adil Rashid should’ve played through most of the last decade.

“Before Deadly Derek Underwood there was Tony Lock in the 1950s,” notes John Starbuck. “Not that he was a tremendous spinner of the ball, but more because, rather like Warnie, he got wickets through force of personality. I agree about Swann, though; have you read ‘The Breaks Are Off’?”

I’ve not – should I? Incidentally, does Swann look like Colin Montgomerie? There’s something of the pantomime dame about both.

“Merry Sunday Dan, Morning, Shalom, Salam, Namaste ( As you wish),” opens Mohammed. “Is Trent Bridge the finest ground in this country? I really like Lees, plays with authority, has a presence and is a wonderful player on the offside, as Pope has been. Simply need to play positively, play the session and while forcing a win unlikely, a big score of 550+ not implausible.”

I guess I find the track a little slow – my vote probably goes to OT, which has the best combination of pitch and venue. Lees really needs a serious score to settle him down, because he knows he can grit it out, but doesn’t yet know if he can cash in.

“Morning Daniel, morning everyone,” begins Robert Ellson. “There’s something very admirable about the selectors’ persistence in sticking with talents like Pope and Crawley when the players haven’t always made it easy for them. Hoping that Pope will reward them today. I’m trying to exhibit the same kind of persistence and so, for the third year running, I’m hoping to establish “His Olliness” as a nickname for Pope. Any support gratefully received.”

Yes, I do wonder about Crawley, who seems to be doing the same things then wondering why they yield the same outcomes. But Pope is one about whom I was sure who I think’ll benefit from being given a permanent and crucial role.

What I loved about Swann no, not his blazer-shirt-slacks-broon shoes combo – was his commitment to attack. He spun the ball hard, tossed it up, and didn’t worry about the consequences.

We’ve now got Graeme Swann on who, if you asked me to pick one England player from my lifetime to go into an XI, would be my choice. Not because I don’t think Anderson, KP and Flintoff were as good, but because I can work around not having all of those, whereas no other spinner comes even close to him – I’m too young to remember Deadly. Nowadays, England struggle to even hold down an end with the slow stuff in first innings, but when Swann was in his pomp he’d be taking wickets as well.

Chris Woakes is on Sky looking extremely slick. He’s surely a shoo-in for a telly role when he stops playing, and has just let us know that there’s no worse feeling than dropping a catch. More news as I get it.

I enjoyed this – and thought Moeen handled the awkwardness very well.

Preamble