Crystal Palace v Burnley: Premier League – live!

71 min The corner is only half cleared. Townsend moves the ball wide to McArthur, whose dangerous low cross is shanked behind for another corner by Pieters. Nothing comes of it.

70 min Zaha wins a corner on the left. He has had very little joy against Bardsley and Brownhill. Before the corner is taken, Cork is replaced by Kevin Long.

69 min Cork limps off to be replaced by … nobody. Burnley are playing with 10 men while they assess whether Cork can continue.

68 min “Not sure how you’re watching this, Rob, but your update about the goal came around a minute or so before it was shown on Amazon Prime,” says Colin Stevens. “Longest digital delay ever.”

Ach, apologies. I’m also watching it on Amazon, so we must have very good wi-fi in Orkney.

67 min Cork is down, and in considerable pain, after twisting his ankle while winning the ball in midfield.

65 min Burnley deserve to be ahead, even if the goal was very avoidable for Palace’s point of view.

Westwood curled a flat free-kick into the area, where the captain Mee launched himself in front of McCarthy and powered a header towards goal from 15 yards. Guaita seemed to have it covered as he dived to the left, but it went through him and into the net off the post. That’s a goalkeeping error.

Ben Mee gives Burnley the lead with a long-range header!

61 min There’s a fair bit of needle developing. McCarthy is booked for a foul on McNeil, who is accused of diving by Cahill.

60 min Milivojevic’s free-kick is headed away by Taylor. It was smart thinking, though: he noticed that Pope was a fair way right of centre, to cover the clip over the wall, so instead he went to the far side.

58 min Tarkowski is booked for a clumsy foul on Ayew just outside the area.

56 min “Looked a definite red to me,” says Will Morgan. “Ayew took a look at him then swung the arm. Bizarre, that.”

I suppose he might argue he was trying to fend Brownhill off rather than clout him in the snout, but I agree he’s pretty fortunate. The more you see it, the luckier he looks.

55 min Townsend cuts inside from the left and has a shot blocked. At the other end, McNeil’s errant cross-shot goes straight through to Guaita. The game is much livelier now.

54 min: Chance for Cahill! I told you he was a good finisher, a-hem. A set-piece wasn’t cleared properly by Burnley and led to Palace’s best chance of the match. Ayew dragged the ball back to Cahill, who sidefooted tamely through to Pope from 15 yards. He usually hammers those.

51 min: No red card for Ayew. That’s interesting. It could have gone either way, I suppose, but I think he’s a bit fortunate by modern standards of what constitutes violent conduct.

49 min It was a forearm into the face rather than an elbow, and it’s being considered by VAR.

49 min Brownhill goes down holding his face after being fended off by Ayew, who could be in trouble here.

46 min Peep peep! Palace begin the second half having made an early substitution. James McCarthy is on for Cheikou Kouyate.

“I’m a huge fan of the Champion/McCoist link-up,” says Stephen Carr. “So much so that I’m crowdfunding a banter-heavy remake of ‘The Persuaders!’ with Jon as Sir Brett Sinclair (Roger Moore) and Ally as Danny Wilde (Tony Curtis). It’s a ratings smash waiting to happen.”

I’ve never seen an episode of The Persuaders! in my life, but you can count on my dollar. I reckon they could pull off a modern variation on Minder as well.

Peep peep! Burnley have been impressive, with Dwight McNeil influential in the No10 role, but they have missed a few half-chances and thus the score is 0-0.

44 min “No reflection on the game, just its socio-political-gammon context,” says Ian Copestake. “Anyway, I am proofreading a book on Animal Studies, so have other fish to fry.”

42 min: Chance for Burnley! Cahill plays a dreadful pass, straight to Westwood on the right wing. He curls in a terrific cross towards Vydra, forcing Guaita to fly from his line and push the ball away. It comes to Pieters, following up 12 yards from goal, but he loses his balance and his shot dribbles through to Guaita.

39 min McNeil goes on another lovely run, beating three players before Ayew gets a foot in. Jon Champion compares his dribbling style to that of Chris Waddle, which is, in the parlance of our time, an excellent shout.

38 min Here’s Ian Copestake. “I imagine many onlookers have been taking Burt Lancaster’s advice to ‘watch the skies, MacIntyre’.”

It hasn’t been that bad, has it? Or have been lulled into a false sense of entertainment by the infectious Champion/McCoist commentary?

36 min Ward’s brilliant, booming cross from the right is headed wide by McArthur at the far post. At first it looked like a bad miss, but replays suggest Bardsley got a slight touch on the ball just before it reached McArthur.

34 min “Might not be one for the purists, but one of the most entertaining parts of football is watching players be wildly over-ambitious,” says Matt Dony. “As that ball dropped, you just knew that Cahill had no choice but to go for the volley. But you also just knew it was going well, well wide of the mark. The artificial crowd noise needs a ‘sarcastic cheer’ option.”

I know what you mean, and we’ve all had a DON’T SHOOT, VINNY moment as we watch a defender charge towards a loose ball with entirely misplaced optimism, but I wouldn’t necessarily put Cahill in that bracket. He’s a terrific finisher for a centre-back.

32 min A decent, dipping strike from Ayew, 30 yards from goal. Pope dives to his right to take the ball comfortably.

30 min Although he has missed probably the two best chances, McNeil has been pretty impressive in the No10 role. He has so much class, and I love the way he beats a man through sleight of hip.

29 min “What’s going on here Rob?” says Justin Kavanagh. “This is the quickest paced game I’ve seen since the restart. Don’t they know it’s summer in south London? I need a lie down.”

28 min After good play from Brownhill, McNeil’s snapshot is blocked by a Palace defender, Dann I think.

26 min “Jon Champion and Ally McCoist have a unique style, don’t they?” says Gary Naylor, referring to the Amazon Prime commentary team. “They sell the game without selling it, eschewing the somewhat desperate efforts of some commentators to SUPER SUNDAY every match, they have something of cricket’s relaxed approach, smuggling a touch of lyricism into the language too. They won’t be to all tastes, but I’d be happy to listen to them commentate on the warm-ups.”

The same. They were fantastic during the last World Cup and have a lovely unforced rapport.

23 min The corner is played short to Zaha, just inside the area on the left. He stands up a deep cross to Cahill, who blasts a volley over the bar from 15 yards. And that’s drinks.

22 min At the other end, McArthur’s corner is put behind by Tarkowski.

20 min Milivojevic gives the ball to McNeil, 70 yards from goal. He swerves elegantly away from Milivojevic’s attempted recovery tackle and runs 50 yards before shooting too close to Guaita from the edge of the D. It was a nice run though, and a lovely bit of skill to beat Milivojevic.

19 min Westwood’s wicked, inswinging corner from the left is booted off the line by van Aanholt at the far post. His clearance hits Dann in the face and ricochets towards the other corner, where it’s shovelled clear by Ward. The loose ball comes to McNeil, who rifles just over the bar from a tight angle.

17 min McNeil stabs a pass out to Brownhill, whose excellent cross is headed away by Dann with Cork waiting behind him. Good defending.

15 min Townsend sprays an excellent crossfield pass to Zaha on the left. He cuts into the area but runs into traffic and is dispossessed by Westwood.

12 min Palace are starting to come into the game. After a patient build-up, McCarthur is fouled 22 yards from goal by Bardsley. This is close the position from which Milivojevic scored at Bournemouth.

9 min Ayew’s cutback just evades the stretching McArthur in the area. Tarkowski almost runs the loose ball straight to van Aanholt, but makes up for it with an important challenge.

7 min Taylor gets round the back on the left and drives a dangerous cross that is headed away by Cahill. It’s been a really confident start from Burnley, who are playing like the home side.

2 min “11 May 1979,” begins Peter Richards. “I was at Selhurst Park witnessing football passion. Jus’ sayin.”

And a belting goal as well. For those who haven’t seen it, the story of that Palace team is brilliantly told in the BT Sport documentary Team of the Eighties.

1 min Peep peep! Burnley, in their green change strip, kick off from right to left. Palace are in red and blue stripes.

The players emerge on a cool, cloudy evening in south London. There are no fans but Glad All Over is blaring out of the tannoy.

“Hey Rob,” says J.R. in Illinois. “I just wanted to warn you, in case you weren’t aware, that Simon Hooper couldn’t referee his way out of a paper bag. He botched his first Premier League match (8 August 2015) so badly that he didn’t get another Premier League assignment until 31 January 2018.”

I’m sensing rancour.

Alternative live action department

Jay Rodriguez has failed a fitness test, so it looks like Burnley will play with Dwight McNeil as a No10. They are only able to name seven substitutes, and two of them are keepers.

Crystal Palace (4-1-4-1) Guaita; Ward, Dann, Cahill, van Aanholt; Milivojevic; Townsend, Kouyate, McArthur, Zaha; Ayew.
Substitutes: Hennessey, Sakho, Tavares, Woods, Mitchell, Meyer, McCarthy, Riedewald, Perrick.

Burnley (4-2-3-1) Pope; Bardsley, Tarkowski, Mee, Taylor; Westwood, Cork; Brownhill, McNeil, Pieters; Vydra.
Substitutes: Peacock-Farrell, Jensen, Long, Dunne, Thomas, Goodridge, Thompson.

Referee Simon Hooper.

Hello and welcome to the battle of the overachievers. By rights, and certainly by net spend, Crystal Palace and Burnley should be in a relegation battle. But they both sit comfortably in mid-table, having already reached the magic 40-point mark, and are only three points off a potential Europa League place. A win for either side would move them up to eighth, behind Tottenham Hotspur only on goal difference.

Palace had won four in a row before Liverpool duffed them up at Anfield last week. Burnley have lost only once since January, an even more emphatic defeat at the Etihad a week ago. Apart from one heavy defeat apiece, both teams have been in terrific form. There was even a bit of recognition for Sean Dyche when he was named Premier League Manager of the Month in February.

Most of the time he and Roy Hodgson do their work in the background, giving their clubs an almost unimaginable stability. Palace and Burnley will miss them when they’ve gone.

Kick off 8pm.