Cruise secrets: Always avoid these people on a cruise – they only have one aim in mind

“But we have encountered the Moaning Minnies, who, once they have cornered you, proceed to criticise everything about the ship from the decor to the carpets; from the crew to the standard of the food which on one memorable occasion included the comment ‘The bacon on here isn’t as crisp as it is on the Oriana.”

There’s another question you might hear that you should “never respond to” cautions Dutton.

This is: “How much did you pay for this cruise”

“Uh Oh! That’s a no-no,” writes Dutton in his book. “If you paid half what they did, they will be scandalised and give you an ear-bashing.