The Mill gave up drinking throughout 2018. It had a profound impact on our mood, our weight, our blood pressure, our liver and our bank balance. As the clock ticked midnight on 31 December, we proudly reflected on our achievements, and then took care of a bottle of Macallan 1926 in one sitting.
Chelsea know the feeling. The transfer ban has been the best thing to happen for them in years, forcing the emergence on Frankie’s Foetuses, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t ready to pay big as soon as it is lifted.
According to the super soaraway, Chelsea are increasingly confident that will happen in January. If so, they will swoop for one or both of Bournemouth’s Callum Wilson and RB Leipzig’s Timo Werner, and allow Olivier Giroud to take the DO1 shuttle train to Crystal Palace.
Manchester United are also considering importing some German goods in the new year. Bayern Munich space invader Thomas Müller, who has been marginalised since the arrival of Philippe Coutinho, is their main target according to assorted rags.
They are also keen on Denis Zakaria (still), Mario Mandzukic (hang on, that rings a bell), Ben Chilwell (yep), Moussa Dembélé (what’s the French for deja vu?) and James Maddison (groundhog day!).
Having spent the last 10 years diligently slagging everything to do with Arsenal Football Club, Paul Scholes thinks Manchester United should sign Mesut Özil. That’s not a rumour so much as a fact, to be fair, but we’ve got space to fill and the grapevine is quiet this morning.
Roma, who have an injury crisis in midfield, are set to sign free agent Whatever Happened To Jack Rodwell, who was last seen playing for Blackburn in April.
And Leicester’s social experiment of building a 2027 World XI in the year 2020 will continue with the signing of teenager Turkish midfielder Kerem Baykuş from Trabzonspor.