BALE-ING OUT?
Having failed to endear himself to his Spanish hosts by making no effort to learn the lingo, refusing to walk around clacking castanets and showing little or no inclination to eat his dinner at two o’clock in the morning, it seems Gareth Bale’s Spanish adventure is about to come to an end. Despite scoring over 100 goals for Real Madrid, helping the club to a La Liga title, four Big Cups and three Club World Cups, among other shiny pots, the Welshman has fallen spectacularly out of favour at the Bernabéu, which has become something of a gilded cage for a knack-prone footballer who is paid so much money that most clubs who might be willing to offer him an escape route can’t afford to do so. With three years of a contract worth €100m left to run and Bale refusing to take a pay cut, his options are – like The Fiver’s tolerance for Purple Tin – extremely limited.
Exactly how complicit Real manager Zinedine Zidane has been in Bale’s weird fall from grace remains unclear, but having decided (or been told) the winger will not feature in his future plans, it came as no surprise that he left the Welshman out of Real’s pre-season tour and told reporters he hoped a departure was “imminent”. Unless you’re Bale’s Mr 15%, that is, who clutched his pearls and swooned like a Victorian lady upon hearing what Zizou had said. “Zidane is a disgrace to speak like that about someone who has done so much for Real,” he harrumphed. “If and when Gareth goes it will be because it is in the best interest of Gareth and nothing to do with Zidane pushing.”
Of course it is no secret that playing golf is very near the top of Bale’s list of interests, so much so that he has had the back garden of his Spanish Villa landscaped into an exact replica of Augusta National and spent last night fantasising about a no-holds barred threesome involving himself, Fred Funk and a bearded man from the backwaters of the Irish paradise that is Offaly. And with the sport developing in China, where there are over 600 courses, he may well be tempted to join a club in one of the few countries where clubs playing another developing sport, one he happens to be very good at, can afford to pay his wages.
While there is no evidence of any concrete offers from China, where the transfer window closes in nine days, The Fiver can’t help but feel a speculative bid from Shenzhen FC could be in the pipe. While Bale may not be interested in learning Mandarin, looking at great walls or learning to use chopsticks, with its 12 courses and 216 holes, the local Mission Hills golf club could prove an irresistible draw.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He hit him full throttle. Harry [Wilson] got a knock on his cheekbone and his eye so that was not too cool. In general, I don’t like overly hard games … there are rules. I don’t want to say anything specific about this game because there will be headlines. I want to have a holiday in Spain again” – Jürgen Klopp tries to keep a lid on his fresh and funky mood after Liverpool’s 2-1 defeat by Sevilla at Fenway Park in which Joris Gnagon was sent off for booting Yasser Larouci high into the air and out of a rather unfriendly friendly.
FIVER LETTERS
“I read with not a little nostalgia the piece about Ray Freeman. Ray was coach of the Cambridge University football team in the 1990s – a gentle, kind man who was remarkably good in goal in training despite only saving shots by leaning forward and kind of shouldering them away. His stint with the Blues wasn’t mentioned, but that’s probably for the best. His last match in charge (my first year at university), we lost 0-4 to the Dark Side in the 1998 Varsity Match. (It was, honestly, closer than it sounds. RIP Ray” – Mark Walsh.
“Having seen Daniel Sturridge shoot, his brother should have known better. It totally fits that he was aiming for Seville but ended up in West Bromwich” – Daniel Doody
“Lindisfarne lyrics are all well and good but might I suggest peppering your coverage with references to Yes? A good entry point would be Tales from Topographic Oceans, a pointless long distance runaround of interminable drudgery that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, especially when viewed in terms of the coherence of prior releases. So, Arsenal” – Seth King.
“Last week life was so simple. Drop The Child at playgroup, cycle to the office, do a day’s work, take in The Fiver over lunch (it comes in around midday over here) and generally enjoy Montreal summer. No more! Now every spare moment, from the commute in the morning to the increasingly lengthy toilet breaks that lead my office mates to think I have some serious digestion issues, is spent Googling what the hell HHAGTFABM is. I can get as far as BM meaning Big Man but that’s it” – Dave Lloyd.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day prize is … Mark Walsh, who wins a copy of Here We Go: Everton in the 1980s – the players’ stories.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
David De Gea has donned his shades and said that he’d like to be given the armband once he’s signed a new contract and trousered some more cash. “It is amazing to be captain of a club like Manchester United and defend this badge,” he blathered.
Ethan Ampadu has joined Crass Energy Drink Advertising Gimmick Leipzig on loan from Chelsea. “‘I’ve been following the club,” he Robbie Keaned. “It’s the perfect step for me.”
Dinamo Bucharest manager Eugen Neagoe is in a stable condition after collapsing on the sidelines during Sunday’s 2-0 defeat by Universitatea Craiova.
“One of the best of my career” is how Harry Kane has described his goal from not quite the halfway line in Tottenham’s meaningless friendly against Juventus. “I saw him off his line and fortunately, it went in,” he roared.
The Queen’s Celtic will face either Romanian side Cluj or Maccabi Tel-Aviv of Israel should they make it to the Big Cup third qualifying round – while Wolves and the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers avoided a potential clash in Big Vase.
And Manchester City have been accused of being “disrespectful” and “arrogant” by China’s state-run press agency. “Their appearance in China was nothing more than a commercial obligation,” sniffed an article. City refused to comment but did post this on their website shortly after the criticism.
STILL WANT MORE?
Southampton will continue to invest in young tyros rather than spend significantly on the playing squad, writes David Hytner.
Quiz! Quiz! Quiz! Do you know your Jack Spong from your Tyreece John-Jules? Name the club from the players who have made a rare appearance in this summer’s pre-season kickabouts.
NBA stars such as James Harden and LeBron James are investing in football clubs. Tom Dart reports on a growing market for loaded athlete-investors.
Yan Dhanda, the Swansea City midfielder, is one of the few Asians playing professionally in this country and he wants to inspire others to do the same. He gets his chat on with Sachin Nakrani.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!