SLIP BACK IN TIME
Being a key protagonist in today’s fast-moving media environment, the Fiver sometimes finds it hard to stop and pause for breath. In between dashing from one side of our cupboard to the other, it’s good to take stock every, say, five years. Last time we got off the treadmill there was no such thing as Brexit, but there very much was the sight of Chelsea turning up at Anfield and putting the brakes on a title challenge that had reached fever pitch.
So it feels good that the Fiver, ever so busy scrolling through Twitter in the meantime, might not have missed a lot since. Another Sunday in April, another visiting side from south-west London that has seen better days, expected to bow to the irresistible forces of Narrative and Destiny. And another nagging sense things might not necessarily turn out to be quite as straightforward. In 2014 Chelsea were sent out with José Mourinho’s instruction not to be “clowns at the circus” ringing in their ears; as it happened Stevie G took a shine to that title and it was left for a broody Brendan Rodgers to airily dismiss his counterpart’s cunning time-wasting antics afterwards.
All good fodder to chew on before this year’s rematch, but there’s a distinct lack of needle to rival it. Liverpool have no chest-beating, totemic captain to whom this means literally everything; Chelsea do not have a professional party-pooper in charge – unless a slavish devotion to 4-3-3 really stops you enjoying your Sunday afternoon social plans. Even Jürgen Klopp, with his easy turns of phrase and comparable set of sparkling teeth, can’t attract the same levels of amusement as dear old Brendan.
It’s all a little too quiet, even up at Manchester City, whose title retention would be ideal for those who fancy a quiet life but not for anyone with the slightest disposition towards romance. Everyone is making nice to each other; there is no Mourinho to add flies to the ointment and certainly, so far, no sign of a love-it-if-we-beat-them moment from either of the contenders. Perhaps someone will be closer to such an outburst after Sunday. Another of those touchstone moments involves a meltdown at Crystal Palace – the very thing Liverpool suffered after going 3-0 up in the game. City will have been and gone from Selhurst Park before Liverpool get going; falling at the hands of Mr Roy might just exercise a few people.
Back to the grind, then, and when the Fiver assesses its life choices in five years it fully expects to see a Stevie G-managed Liverpool quaking at the thought of Frank Lampard’s Chelsea showing that, once again, you shouldn’t try and put both men in the same space. At least it would be something to argue about.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Nick Ames for hot Friday night MBM coverage of Leicester 2-0 Newcastle.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m a qualified referee and I wouldn’t do it any more. I’ve had white teams chase me out the ground looking to fight me. I’ve got to get to my car. But it’s not just about the n-word. It’s about white teams not shaking your hand or exchanging shirts. They don’t want to be in the same space. You can see the parents don’t want to be around black players. We’re shattered; we’re dead. They don’t want to work with people like us. I’ve been told that to my face” – Dr Colin King from the Black and Asian Coaches Association on his battle with racism in the grassroots game. Read more in Jacob Steinberg’s special report.
FIVER LETTERS
“All this Ole, Ole, Ole guff about 1999 reminds me when squeaky Alan Ball rocked up as manager at Maine Road four years earlier. He tried to inspire the squad by droning on about the World Cup. It led to one not-too-anonymous player saying, ‘If I hear about 1966 one more time, I’m going to shove that medal up his @rse’” – Lloyd Mills.
“Keen-eyed sofa-based sports fans will have noted that tonight on TV, Leicester are playing Newcastle twice at the same time – in the Soccerball at the King Power, and in the Oddly-shaped-ball game live from Kingston Park. I’ll watch the rugby as it’s a relegation eight-pointer and wait for the highlights, if there are any, from a Newcastle away match.” – Geoffrey Seaman.
“A black hole is an area of such immense gravity that nothing, not even light, can escape from it. Is it purely coincidental that black holes and Coventry City are both in the news right now?” – Adam Uncamus.
“Re: Joe Mercer’s update on surf/casual/business attire in Hawaii [Fivers passim]. I’m currently on holiday here for the first time and have noticed loads of locals wearing what I would call Hawaiian shirts. They’re mostly working in the hospitality industry and therefore might not have a choice, but to underline the point here is a photo I took at Honolulu Airport. There is another sign next to it exhorting officials to put their firearms in a lockbox when fingerprinting immigrants. Whether or not they are required to wear Hawaiian shirts while they do it is not clear” – Tim Holmes.
“Like 1,056 others, I am constantly amazed by the perspicacity of The Fiver’s sporting predictions (e.g. Arsenal 1-2 Napoli). Do you tip horses?” – Robert Blanchard [Even a stopped clock, etc and so on – Fiver Ed].
“It’s been more than a month since Noble Francis’ last published letter in The Fiver. Should someone go and check on him?” – Keith Martin.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tim Holmes.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Jürgen Klopp has described a chant sung by a group of Chelsea fans about Mohamed Salah as “disgusting”, and said they should be banned from all football grounds.
Harry Kane’s ankle may soon be officially designated as a national disaster zone, the number of times it’s gone pop. Mauricio Pochettino reckons it will be “difficult” for him to play again this season.
Spartak Moscow midfielder Ayaz Guliyev has apologised after he was accused of hitting a pedestrian with his car before getting out and beating him. The club have said Guliyev was driving to training on Wednesday when he “got into a conflict with a pedestrian and used brute force against him,” before “both sides resolved their conflict”.
One River Plate fan came up with a novel (and needlessly complicated) way of watching his team’s Copa Libertadores win over Boca Juniors. He got a QR code tattooed on his leg that, when scanned, linked to a YouTube video highlight reel – which has now been taken down for copyright infringement. Ah. Oh dear.
Ander Herrera’s latest bout of gah could have something to do with his Mr 15% haggling with all and sundry over his contract, so reckons Ole Gunnar Solskjær.
Thought following football would keep you safe from discussion of Brexit? Think again. Rafa Benítez has likened his contract talks to the interminable nonsense, presumably casting Mike Ashley as Mark Francois.
STILL WANT MORE?
Why should anyone have to be magnificent these days, or be strong, or show character in the face of criminal abuse? Any player who walks off because of racist abuse deserves our full support, writes Barney Ronay.
There was just one thing that famously got Amerie tripping – we’ve got nine more for you ahead of a four-day Premier League weekend.
Where’s the best place to watch a team full of English players? Why, the Swedish fourth tier of course. Gavin Willacy tells you more about Ytterhogdals.
Allow Nick Miller to persuade you that Leeds United’s season will have been a success even if they don’t get promoted, thanks to Marcelo Bielsa.
Oh, Arsenal. How you will miss Aaron Ramsey. Ed Aarons counts the ways.
Match previews! Getcher match previews!
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