I’VE BEEN A WILD ROVER FOR MANY A YEAR
Fortune is not just smiling on Tottenham Hotspur in this season’s FA Cup, it is holding them by the hand and whispering filthy promises into their pr1cked up ears. The draw has treated Spurs to three successive ties against lower-league opposition and, what is more, their fifth-round adversaries, Rochdale, even laid a new pitch for them so the Premier League artistes would not have to navigate any bumps or divots at Spotland, ensuring the only obstacles that might have been in their way were the invisible ones of which some Spurs players seem to keep falling afoul. Happily for Mauricio Pochettino’s loveable band of tricksters, snow has hit the ground in London before Wednesday’s replay against plucky Dale, meaning there could be a soft white coating across the Wembley surface to cushion any tumbles by Dele Alli and Harry Kane.
Fortune is playing much harder to get with Paris Saint-Germain, on the other hand. The Qatari concern is also in Cup action, hosting Marseille in a French Cup quarter-final that has aroused so much interest that all media previews of it have been replaced by anatomy lectures. Neymar suffered ankle- and metatarsal-knack, you see, during Sunday’s league match between the same teams, and now the only thing most people want to know is how long will it take PSG to accept that Neymar cannot simply tattoo on a new foot in time for next Tuesday’s Big Cup second-leg showdown with Real Madrid?
Poor PSG! They spent around half a billion pounds to sign Neymar last summer and agreed to a tour rider that would have embarrassed Kanye West, and now their precious star is crocked for the first match that really matters this season. No wonder PSG gaffer Unai Emery did not want to confront reality when talking to the press before the Marseille tussle, suggesting Neymar, like some kind of new-limb-growing-salamander, might have an outside chance of being available for the Real game. “PSG know very well they cannot rely on him,” Neysayed the player’s dad to Brazilian media, adding that he expects his son to be out of action for six to eight weeks. “It’s absurd that anyone could think he could play with a fractured foot. It’s lack of respect to the other players. This possibility [playing against Real] does not exist.”
Neymar is very big on respect for other players. So he will naturally hope that Ángel Di María shows against Marseille that he is ready to do a job on Madrid next week. There will undoubtedly be smiles all round if Real are knocked out by a Neymarless PSG.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Someone played the ball to him and he’s played it around the corner, then I laid to a midfielder – I thought I’d done alright – he starts shouting at me: ‘[Effing] give me the ball back.’ So I said: ‘Woah, woah, woah, hold on a minute here. We just need to get one thing straight. You’re not playing with [effing] Carlos Tevez now mate, he cost £30m and I cost a hundred grand, you’ll have to lower your standards a bit here’” – big-boned former Cardiff City striker Jon Parkin reveals Craig Bellamy’s steep learning curve after he arrived on loan from Manchester City.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray for hot MBM coverage of Tottenham 2-0 Rochdale from 7.45pm GMT.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Jefferson Montero (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Perhaps he has a Scottish Mr 15%, so when he heard Getafe, he thought it was time to move on?” – Jim Hearson.
“I rushed to check whether the Blue Brazil had defied your prediction in The Fiver’s first excursion into the lower reaches of Scottish fitba (yesterday’s Live on Big Website). And the weather won” – Nick Tolerton.
“I need to raise some money to pay off a carpenter so am selling off all my prized Nasty Leeds shirts. Please can you spread the word via your letters page? Here they are” – Skint Pat.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Jim Hearson.
THE RECAP
Get the best of Big Website’s coverage sent direct to your inbox every Friday lunchtime (GMT). Has the added bonus of being on time. Sign up here.
BITS AND BOBS
Arsène Wenger says those hinges on the Emirates’ door marked Do One remain firmly rusted up following the traditional February querying of his employment status. “I am amazed I still have to answer these questions … I don’t ask you if your position is reviewed at the end of the season,” he parped, somewhat misunderstanding the general press conference protocol.
Having seen off the Beast from the East, Peterborough United have succumbed to the lure of Steve Evans following his hasty Mansfield Town exit. “As soon as somebody of the calibre of Steve Evans called to register their interest, there was no time to waste,” cheered chairman Darragh MacAnthony.
Oh yes. Photograph: Ryan Crockett/JMP/Rex/Shutterstock
Phil Neville reckons fans only want him to fail as England Women’s manager because it’s part of the English mentality, rather than because he has no experience and didn’t apply for the job. “It’s part of my motivation,” he sobbed.
Louis van Gaal thinks José Mourinho was mean to Bastian Schweinsteiger at Manchester United. “How Mourinho treated him after me, Schweini did not deserve this,” he sighed.
Crystal Palace chairman Steve Parish has given Mr Roy a ringing endorsement. “People ask what I’m planning for,” he tooted. “I’m planning for the Championship.”
And Hartlepool president Jeff Stelling has appealed to potential investors to join a consortium attempting to save the National League club. “Though it breaks my heart to say it, I don’t believe the club can survive much longer,” he said. “We now feel we need the extra funding within the next week or it may be too late.”
STILL WANT MORE?
The daughter of which former Southampton striker won gold at the Winter Olympics? The Knowledge has the answer.
Sergio Agüero has shone, as ever, this season but will the second coming of Jesus threaten that, frets Paul Wilson.
Karl Robinson invites Ben Fisher down to his training session with Charlton Invicta, part of Football v Homophobia’s month of action.
Here you go. Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian
Andy Hunter on the absolute state of Everton.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!