Olivier Giroud, Arsenal v Crystal Palace, 1 January
Never mind us waffling on about this, here’s Arséne Wenger: “Any goalscorer is ready to take any part of his body, even if it’s the little toe, to score a goal and Olivier had that kind of reflex. He transformed that goal, I would say, into art.
“It was art because of the surprise, because of the beauty of the movement and because of the efficiency of the movement. That will be remembered as the ‘Giroud goal’, which nobody will forget. Every striker is certainly remembered for one or two or three special goals and that will certainly remain with him forever.
“Olivier brings the unexpected and we all come to football to get the unexpected. I have been spoiled in my career because I had many great strikers but that is certainly in my top five [of great goals].”
Thomas Lemar, Monaco v Marseille, 15 January
In a few years we’ll look back on the Monaco side of 2016-17 and recognise the crying shame that they couldn’t all stay together for a season or two more. Still, Thomas Lemar is there for now, and as long as he is, there’s the possibility of him doing more stuff like this.
Andy Carroll, West Ham v Crystal Palace, 17 January
Being a West Ham fan this year has been a relatively grim business, but there was the odd speck of light. Well, thundering barrage of blinding light, if Andy Carroll is involved. Not a footballer prone to subtlety, Carroll didn’t faff around with this one, when a cross from Michail Antonio floated a little behind where he would like to land one of his Thor’s hammer headers, so he improvised. Improvised the ball right into the top corner at ferocious speed, but his scissor-kick was executed with a grace you don’t necessarily expect from a man of Carroll’s dimensions. Perhaps the most satisfying goal of the year.
Jeison Murillo, Internazionale v Bologna, 17 January
January was full of bicycle kicks. Here’s the Inter centre-back’s athletic attempt to trump Andy Carroll.
Dennis Kempe, Karlsruher v Bielefeld, 29 January
A goal made by the quickest 360 roulette turn you’ll see this year in the hip environs of 2 Bundesliga.
James Dart
(@James_Dart)Dennis Kempe’s spin-tastic goal for Karlsruher in 2. Bundesliga pic.twitter.com/hSzWs28qHv
Fernando Torres, Atlético Madrid v Celta Vigo, 12 February
Do you remember Fernando Torres when he was in his pomp at Liverpool and banging goals in from ridiculous angles as though his boots had laser-guided targeting built into them? Well, this goal was an example of that Torres. Back to goal and 18 yards out? No problem.
Thelo Asgaard, Wigan U15 v Blackburn Rovers U15, 17 February
Ah, the impetuousness of youth. You have to be either pretty fearless or pretty foolish to attempt a rabona from the edge of the area, given the things that could go wrong and the thick ears he could be given. Who knows which Thelo Asgaard is, but we do know this: when it comes off the results are most impressive.
Jordi Mboula, Barcelona U19 v Borussia Dortmund U19, 22 February
There are few things more beautiful in football than the Marseille turn, a skill mastered so expertly by Zinedine Zidane that some now call it the Zidane turn. But in February, it was a boy from Barcelona making it his own: Jordi Mboula. Playing in the Uefa Youth League, he starts just inside Dortmund’s half, spinning effortlessly around his marker before dashing down the right wing. He slows to compose himself, dissects two Dortmund defenders with absurdly quick feet and finishes calmly into the bottom corner. Watch out for the expression on the Dortmund defender’s face, just after he’s been done for a second time.
Memphis Depay, Lyon v Toulouse, 12 March
The best thing about this goal, other than the fact it was from the halfway line, is that Memphis Depay – from the moment he picks the ball up to the moment he lets fly – doesn’t look at the goal once. He just knows. Sometimes with goals of this ilk there is goalkeeper error involved but here the Dutchman’s speed of thought and foot is so quick, and the weight of shot so measured, that we simply have to applaud the brilliance displayed.
Harry Kane, Tottenham Hotspur v Chelsea, 22 April
Of the billion or so goals Harry Kane has scored this year there have probably been more technically accomplished, certainly more spectacular and, as Tottenham lost this game 4-2 anyway, more meaningful ones. But this gets our nod just because it was so unusual, Kane stooping and allowing the ball to flick off the top of his head and into the corner of the net. Great goalscorers such as Kane will always find some way of getting the ball into the net, and often ways that the rest of us wouldn’t even have considered possible, never mind been able to actually execute.
Emre Can, Watford v Liverpool, 1 May
This was an achingly terrible football match. Back end of the season, neither side had a huge amount to play for, clammy evening when everyone could probably think of half a dozen better things they could be doing with their time. Actually, that’s not quite right: it was 89 minutes, 59 seconds of a terrible football match, and then Emre Can bicycle-kicked implausibly into the top corner, the sort of goal that anyone present will have grabbed whoever was next to them and yelled “DID YOU EFFING SEE THAT?”
Mario Mandzukic, Juventus v Real Madrid, 3 June
There’s something enjoyable about goals that defy categorisation: was this a lob, a volley, an overhead kick, a combination of all the above? It was also both a brilliant team goal – the long pass from Leonardo Bonucci, the brilliant knock-back by Alex Sandro, the perfect chest-down and lay-off by Gonzalo Higuain, all without the ball touching the ground – and a brilliant individual goal.
Sören Eismann, SV Meppen v Carl Zeiss Jena, 17 September
So basically Sören Eismann just ran past a couple of defenders and slotted it into the bottom corner. Oh, and just before that he had stolen the ball from an opponent who had stopped playing because a team-mate was down injured and he was waiting for treatment to come onto the field. Obviously this makes our list not because of the technical quality of the goal but for the undeniably hilarious chutzpah and shamelessness required to score it. Well done sir. The score was 0-2 at the time, and Eismann went on to also score the equaliser, as the game finished 2-2.
(@archiert1)This from the German 3rd tier.
Jena player injured.
Meppen stop for injury.
Another Jena player tackles him, scorespic.twitter.com/pbLI3GcIP9
Sofiane Boufal, Southampton v West Brom, 21 October
Sofiane Boufal is basically the enigma’s enigma, a player who could do absolutely nothing for 89 minutes but show up with something you’ll remember for a long time in the other one. Those who saw this brilliant run from deep inside his own half against West Brom, with the flourish of causing two defenders to crash into each other in finest slapstick style, will every now and then in years to come recall the goal, then try to remember whatever came of Sofiane Boufal.
Akkaradet Jangporn, Bangkok Sports Club v Satri Angthong, 24 October
Hubris.
Fara Williams, Reading v Arsenal, 5 November
Sometimes the best goals are the ones where it’s perfectly obvious what the scorer is about to do, but the defence can’t do anything about it. Absolutely no hint of messing around from Fara Williams here.
Olly Lee, Luton Town v Cambridge United, 18 November
One of the most significant figures in Luton’s current fine League Two campaign is the former Newcastle United midfielder Rob Lee. Not that he works at the club or really has anything to do with them himself, but two of his sons play for the Hatters, and one of them scored one of the year’s more audacious goals. Luton were 1-0 ahead against Cambridge when Olly, a midfielder (his brother Elliot is a striker), collected the ball around 20 yards inside his own half, looked up and saw goalkeeper David Forde just outside his penalty area, quite reasonably not expecting to be beaten from that range. But a few seconds later he was circling underneath the ball as it dropped into his net. Perhaps this broke Cambridge’s collective spirit, as the game ended 7-0.
Luton Town FC
(@LutonTown)And here it is again…”Olly Lee, Olly Lee, Olly Lee, Olly Lee, Scoring from St Albans, @OllyLee7 !” #COYH pic.twitter.com/VgrK4sokgQ
Daniel Dubidat, Alvechurch v Sheffield FC, 18 November
The comparisons with Dennis Bergkamp are inevitable: we only hope that somewhere in the crowd there was someone yelling “Daniel Dubidat, Daniel DUBIDAT! DANIEL DUBIDAT! DANIEL DUBIDAT! OOOHHHHHH!”
Alberto Brignoli, Benevento v Milan, 3 December
This isn’t the most spectacular goal on the list. Nor did it win a team a title, or save a side from relegation. But for pure drama, few can beat Alberto Brignoli’s stoppage time equaliser. First thing to clarify: it is an excellent diving header. Secondly, it came in the 95th minute, to earn Benevento their first ever Serie A point, at home to Milan, ending a record run of 14 straight defeats, the worst start to a season in the top five European leagues. Thirdly, it’s worth mentioning that Brignoli is a goalkeeper, the first goal of its kind in Serie A since Massimo Taibi’s effort for Reggina 16 years ago. Enjoy.
Abdullah Balikuv, Bucaspor v Sivasspor, 17 December
This one is a prime candidate for the classic post-game interview. Interviewer: “So Abdullah…did you mean it?” Balikuv, with a smirk: “Of course I did, picked out the top corner.” He then dissolves into laughter. Still, whether he meant it or not, he certainly caught it rather nicely.
(@James_Dart)Abdullah Balikuv for Bucaspor v Sivasspor pic.twitter.com/7vkx5FaEIg
