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Navigating Relationships and Grief: Advice from Dear Abby
Seeking advice on relationships and navigating tough situations? This week, Dear Abby tackles questions about long-distance connections and supporting grieving friends, providing guidance on finding genuine love and understanding loss. Are you in a complicated relationship or struggling to support a friend? Read on for insightful advice.
Long-Distance Love and Family Doubts
DEAR ABBY: I’m a woman in my mid-20s who has experienced only harmful, unhealthy, and dreadful relationships since becoming an adult. Since high school, I have spent years trying to find a “good guy” who will treat me with respect and love me unconditionally.
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I befriended someone online two years ago, and we began recording music and podcasts together. He lives in another state. He’s intelligent, humorous, and sarcastic, and we connected well as remote friends. I have strong feelings for him, and he does for me, and we are now an “item.”
In a few months, he and a mutual friend are flying here to meet me and attend a concert. He mentions wanting to transfer schools and attend school here. As someone who’s been single for three years, I feel prepared to love again and be with someone, and my instincts and intuition feel secure with him.
The biggest obstacle I’m worried about is my family. They don’t think my relationship is “authentic.” They consider me unrealistic for being with someone long-distance (even though my mom met my stepdad in a different state). Also, I’m unsure how to explain this to my grandparents or my very strict, prejudiced dad. How do I respond to people who call me unrealistic? — SEEMS LIKE THE REAL THING
Abby’s Insight: Proceed with Caution and Allow Time
DEAR SEEMS: Although you’ve known this person for two years, you may be moving too fast. While he may be everything you say he is (and he claims he is), you can’t be certain he is genuinely ideal until you meet in person.
His consideration of transferring to a nearby school to be closer to you is encouraging. It will give you a chance to judge whether he is genuinely the person he presents himself to be and allow your family to get to know him. It will also provide him an opportunity — if the romance continues to progress — to decide if he would welcome them as in-laws, despite the prejudice you mentioned.
The Loneliness of Supporting a Grieving Friend
DEAR ABBY: I know I’ll be criticized for these thoughts, but I need advice. I believed I was supportive of my friend who lost her husband after a four-year struggle with Alzheimer’s disease. We have been acquainted for 25 years. She has become detached and no longer inquires about anything. I check on her almost daily, but she never initiates the first text. I also send cards, which she doesn’t acknowledge.
Her husband passed away over a year ago, and I know I shouldn’t judge her grieving, but I thought she would be doing better by now. Widows often question why their friends abandon them after a death, but what about the widows who abandon friends? — LONELY IN THE EAST
Dear Abby’s Advice: Understanding the Grieving Process
DEAR LONELY: Some individuals are more resilient than others. While you might have been able to recover from the loss of a spouse, parent, child, or pet quickly, others are not so fortunate. The unfortunate reality is, there is no set timeline for grieving. Invite her to lunch so you can converse face to face instead of depending on cards and texts. If you do, it may assist her in recovering more quickly.