A Ukrainian Fighter Pilot’s Wife: Living with Constant Uncertainty
For Maria, life has become a cycle of waiting for the next phone call from her husband, each conversation shadowed by the fear it could be the last.
Ivan, a 31-year-old Ukrainian fighter pilot, has been defending his nation’s airspace since the outset of Russia’s full-scale invasion in February 2022. He has now undertaken over 200 perilous missions in his aging Soviet-era Mig-29 warplane.
This squadron commander has witnessed the loss of numerous colleagues throughout the conflict, some close friends, others godfathers to their children. The precise location of his current air base in western Ukraine remains undisclosed for security concerns.
Amidst US-led diplomatic endeavors to negotiate a ceasefire gaining momentum and renewed talks between Russia and Ukraine planned, the situation has evolved.
“A ceasefire would bring a sense of safety,” Maria acknowledges.
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Across Ukraine, a growing sentiment of war weariness is palpable. Many are advocating for an end to the intense fighting, the most devastating in Europe since World War II, and demanding solid Western guarantees to prevent future Russian aggression.
However, Maria harbors anxieties that any potential agreement might entail conceding Ukrainian territories in the south-east, partially occupied by Russia, alongside Crimea, annexed by Russia in 2014. “No one will return our lost territories,” the 29-year-old states somberly. “They will remain under Russian occupation.”
She questions, “What did so many men, our heroes, sacrifice their lives for if Ukraine cannot defend them and is compelled to make concessions?”
Love Amidst the Looming Conflict
When Maria and Ivan first met, the prospect of a large-scale war in Ukraine seemed unimaginable.
Maria was an English instructor at a local children’s center in western Ukraine. The daughter of one of Ivan’s fellow pilots attended her classes. This colleague proposed setting up Ivan with Maria, describing her as “a very kind teacher.”
Initially hesitant about the arrangement, Ivan eventually agreed to meet.
He was pleased he did. Their relationship quickly progressed.
On one of their initial dates, Ivan cautioned Maria about the inherent dangers of his profession. She dismissed it as a concern. Impressed by his bravery, caring nature, and protectiveness, Maria found herself falling in love.
Soon after, a lengthy deployment far from home separated them, leading to a year of lost contact, and the seeming end of their relationship.
However, he returned with a large bouquet, promising he would not waste her time. Within a year, they married and soon anticipated the arrival of their first child.
It was only after Russia initiated its full-scale invasion that Maria truly grasped the gravity of Ivan’s job.
Family Life Under Wartime Conditions
Their daughter, Yaroslava, was just three months old when the invasion began. Ivan has missed crucial early moments in her life: her first steps, the emergence of her first teeth, and comforting her during illnesses.
“When Ivan is deployed, I send countless photos of our daughter to help him feel connected to our daily life,” Maria explains.
During a nearby assignment, Maria, with Yaroslava in a stroller, hurried to a checkpoint for a fleeting five-minute reunion.
She brought him homemade meals. They talked, cherishing every moment as precious respite from months of separation.
Even before speaking, Yaroslava would gesture with her small hands, indicating her father flying in the sky.
“Our daughter understands her father is a pilot,” Maria says. “On her birthday, when he joined the cake celebration via video call, we explained he was absent because he was defending Ukraine from the Russians.”
Living with Constant Fear and Hope
The family now maintains a tradition of taking a professional photograph every six months. “It’s painful to admit, but we are always aware that any call or meeting could be our last,” Maria confesses, her voice breaking.
She feels compelled to prepare for “anything, including the worst possible outcome.”
During the initial year of the war, news of casualties among acquaintances was frequent. “Calling their wives, searching for words of comfort. The constant fear of one day facing the same reality.”
Ukrainians are seeking firm assurances of protection from the US and Europe, along with increased supplies of Western fighter jets, to act as a deterrent against further Russian aggression.
While Ukraine has received some US-made F-16s and French Mirage jets, its air force largely depends on outdated Soviet-era aircraft—hardly a match for Russia’s more sophisticated warplanes.
Maria cautiously hopes for a ceasefire. She believes it might, at best, “freeze” the conflict but finds it difficult to trust Russia.
Uncertainty of Ceasefire and Future
Vladimir Putin reportedly seeks an end to Western military assistance to Kyiv, a halt to intelligence-sharing with Ukraine, and a cessation of mobilization in Ukraine.
Many analysts believe these demands are merely a pretext to prolong the war, despite significant Russian losses.
Concerns also exist that Donald Trump, who has publicly declared ending the war as a primary objective, might be preparing a clandestine agreement with Russia, potentially forcing Ukraine to accept unfavorable terms.
Even if a ceasefire materializes, Maria anticipates continued waiting for phone calls and infrequent meetings, as the Ukrainian air force must remain vigilant for an extended period.
Beyond physical peace, she questions whether her husband will ever regain inner peace. Deeply affected by frontline combat, Maria describes Ivan as possessing a “patriotic spirit” and believes he will continue service even post-war.
Maria emphasizes the importance that her husband does not perceive the sacrifices as futile and remains optimistic about the eventual return of Russian-occupied territories: Kherson, Zaporizhzhia, Donetsk, and Luhansk.
Maria’s immediate focus is offering reassurance and hope to her husband. She dreams of a future where their young family can finally rebuild their lives, in their own home, within their own country.
“My husband needs to know we are always waiting for him.”