ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SPURS MANAGER
Antonio Conte has enjoyed consistent success throughout his managerial career, winning the title at his last three clubs, Juventus, Chelsea and Internazionale. All good things must come to an end, though, and on Tuesday he was named as the new manager of Tottenham Hotspur. Presumably the 52-year-old Spaniard Italian is an ardent believer in the rule of three, or has come to the conclusion that his next championship will be more satisfying in pure narrative terms if the main character suffers a setback and has to overcome severe difficulties along the way. Either way, it’s a clean snap.
But does this reduce Spurs to little more than the status of a MacGuffin? Not sure. Erm. Maybe. Perhaps. Surely not, though. Merriam-Webster defines a MacGuffin as “an object in a story that serves to set and keep the plot in motion despite usually lacking intrinsic importance”. Oh Spurs. “I am extremely happy to return to coaching, and to do so at a Premier League club that has the ambition to be a protagonist again,” cheered Conte, framing the news firmly in the context of his own journey, although to be fair at one point he almost allowed the sides of his mouth to turn upwards and form the semblance of a smile, as he posed with the shirt of the club whose name he couldn’t bring himself to say.
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Conte had, you’ll remember, told the North London MacGuffins to do one in the summer, sparking a chain of non-events that led to the Nuno fiasco and all the way back here. Conte explained away his volte-face with typical Italian romanticism. “Our union did not happen because the end of my relationship with Inter was still too recent and emotionally too involved,” he extemporised, “but the contagious enthusiasm and determination of Daniel Levy in wanting to entrust me with this task had already hit the mark. Now that the opportunity has returned, I have chosen to take it with great conviction.” The Fiver wishes him the best of luck, and if he can convince Harry Kane to start running around again with similar determination, expect Tottenham to climb a few places before the main protagonist of Title Act IV comes in with a better offer.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
9 July 2021: “He was offered a very, very good deal by the club but he wasn’t willing to back himself and has decided his future lies elsewhere” – frustrated Hartlepool manager Dave Challinor on Rhys Oates rejecting a new contract to join Mansfield.
1 November: “Dave Challinor has informed the Hartlepool United board that he wants to leave and join Stockport County” – the Pools boss apparently isn’t willing to back himself and plans to drop back down a division.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
Here’s David Squires on … Spurs and other Premier League managerial hijinks.
FIVER LETTERS
“Further to Mark McFadden’s letter regarding Spurs needing Saint Anthony, the patron saint of lost things (yesterday’s Fiver letters), perhaps they should appoint Jude Bellingham. Saint Jude being the patron saint of lost causes” – Phil Davison (and 1,056 others).
“I googled recently-canonised martyrs to charity, hoping to find a clue to Newcastle’s next miracle worker manager. Turns out there’s a Saint Maximilian Kolbe among them – might Allan Saint-Maximin be (almost) nominatively pre-determined to become player-manager?” – Justin Kavanagh.
“I feel for Nuno Espírito Santo. He went from managing Wolves to being thrown to them at Spurs” – Peter Oh.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Justin Kavanagh.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Sepp Blatter and Michael Platini have been charged with fraud and other offences by Swiss prosecutors on Tuesday after investigating a controversial payment of about £1.35m for six years.
Newcastle’s new owners like what they see in Unai Emery and intend to prise him back to the Premier League from Villarreal.
Rafa Benítez reckons if it wasn’t for Everton’s pesky knack he wouldn’t be wedged into the managerial crisis chair. “I think we are close but missing the players that can make a difference,” he sighed, after a 2-1 defeat by Wolves in which his missing-in-action players made the difference.
Perhaps because he’s an adult, Jürgen Klopp isn’t bothered that Diego Simeone won’t be shaking his hand after Liverpool host Atlético in Big Cup. “Now I know he doesn’t want to do it after the game it’s not a problem,” blabbed Klopp, who prefers a bear hug anyway, the big tactile softie.
In news that will hurt José Mourinho’s ears, Chelsea boss Tommy T has declared that wing-backs aren’t defenders, which is why he expects goals from them against Mälmo. “They are more free to attack the opponents’ box than they are in the role as a full-back,” he blathered.
Ole Gunnar Solskjær seems to like criticism a bit too much. “I’ve always enjoyed [it],” he winced, while fiddling with his cilice belt. “Keep that coming, it’s fine.”
And Pep Guardiola has got his Manchester derby mind games in early. “I think this game is much more important than the United game,” he honked before Wednesday’s 5-0 Big Cup win over Club Brugge.
STILL WANT MORE?
Making sense of Tottenham: Nicky Bandini explains why Antonio Conte appealed – he wins stuff, simple as, while Fabrizio Romano explains why Nuno Espírito Santo was never the right man and Martin Cloake offers a fan’s view.
It’s all going right for the Green Army, with Plymouth Argyle flying at the right end of League One. Ben Fisher explains why.
Aston Villa need to sort themselves out, starting with defensive midfield, explains Martin Laurence.
Chelsea’s forwards could learn from their wing-backs’ potent attacking intent, writes Jacob Steinberg before their trip to Malmö.
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