Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Heatmor!
Average Height: 4‘ 07“
Average Weight: 127.9 lbs.
First Added In Generation V
Heatmor is many things. It’s a large, anteater-looking beast. It’s a fire-breathing animal covered in sick flames. It even has a fun name. But one thing it isn’t: A fan of butt plugs. No sir. Keep those sex toys and rubber bits away from Heatmor. And they have a good reason. If you plug up its tail (we all know it’s the butt, really) it gets very sick. So, yes, keep your butt plugs away, please.
According to Pokedex entries listed on Bulbapedia, Heatmor uses its tail to the air it needs to then breath out big, jets of fire. If that intake vent, aka butt, was to be plugged shut, it would lead to Heatmor’s internal flame dying. If that sounds bad, it is bad. If this flame goes out, Heatmor becomes sick.
To be clear, I’m not here to shame anyone for liking or disliking butt plugs. We all have things we enjoy or hate when it comes to our sex life. But I think we can all agree that if a butt plug was randomly shoved up your ass and then made you very, very ill, you wouldn’t be down for that shit. So I get it, Heatmor. I do.
If you are wondering what Heatmor does with all that fire, the answer isn’t that shocking if you know anything about Pokemon. Heatmor burns up Durants, ant-like bug Pokemon made out of metal, then when their outside shell is soft it uses its mouth and tongue to dig around and eat its insides. Yummy stuff.
- This headline led to a heated debate among Kotaku writers about butt plugs. Specifically, if the phrase is one word or two words. Ultimately we ended up at two words.
- I’ll have you know that some weren’t in agreement with this and continue to lead a small group who champion the single word cause. Silly bastards.
- Its tail can also expel gas and air. So Heatmor should shoot any stuck butt plugs out like a canon. Aim it at the person or group who committed such a terrible act.
Best Comment From Last Week
“But also, eventually, I’ll say something mean about everyone’s favorite Pokemon.”
Oh c’mon, what mean thing could you possibly say about my boy Psyduck? Nothing. Because Psyduck is the best.
You silly fool. You’ve doomed yourself and your duck boy.
Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend and click here to see all of the past Pokemon we have covered.