Chelsea v Tottenham Hotspur: Premier League – live!

57 min Werner moves around Sissoko and heads for the line, having a look around to make sure yerman comes with. He knows he’s running out of space, but he also knows Sissoko is enough of a geleimpter to shove him.

56 min Lovely feet from Ndombele, shuffling the ball between them down the left touchline, inciting Zouma to give him a whack. He too is booked, and the game is beginning to register on my internal tetchometer.

53 min And there he is, dashing back when Reguilon gets by his outside, introducing forearm to phizog and receiving a booking for his trouble.

52 min If I were Gareth Southgate, I’d be thinking about playing Trent-Alexander-Arnold in midfield, so I could get James in a full-back. When comparing the two, the defending isn’t close and there’s not loads between them going forward, they just play in different systems,.

51 min Chelsea have changed tack here, getting the ball wide as quickly as possible and swinging it to the near post. And it’s James again, nashing down the right and swinging over a belter; again, Abraham is there ahead of Rodon, but again he can’t get a definitive touch.

50 min Ah, there’s Kovacic, and he moves away from Bergwijn who hauls him down. He’s booked.

48 min Nice from Chelsea, a clever caress from Ziyech sending Jamaes away. And his cross is a beauty, for Abraham attacking the near post, but he can’t quite a touch. In co-commentary, Gary Neville notes how much Olivier Giroud enjoys delivery of that ilk.

46 min Ziyech swings a lovely ball over to Werner, who holds off his man – unfairly says the ref, as his shot on the turn bobbles wide.

46 min “I really don’t want to start an ex-Portuguese-on-Portuguese spat here (I currently have a Middle-Eastern nationality but was for the first 36 years of my life a Portuguese national)“ begins Pedro Lambareiro, “but after 20-something years of hearing my name (Pedro sounding like ‘Pidroh’) misspelled I couldn’t stay put with the Joo-Zee thing.

The sound of the ‘o’ in both names is a sort of ‘u’ that doesn’t exist in the UK but there’s a word that comes in handy when tuga-explaining it in English: jus (silent s). So Jus-zé (with the ‘é’ like in ‘méééééé’, the sound sheep make anywhere in the world) will do the trick.”

Got it!

46 min We go again, nae changes to either team.

How on earth did City of God win no Oscars? OK, we know exactly how, but still. The best film of this mill, “for me” and the only one to force me to the cinema twice in the same day.

“In this part of Portugal,” says Geoff Wignall, “it’s approximately, Jhoe Zay. Often abbreviated to Ze.”

Big Ze! I love that! Here’s his disciple, Little Ze.

Jimmy Floyd is also wearing a cardigan under his syoot; is this a … uniform? Anyhow, his hat-trick in this fixture is one of the absolute greatest of all-time, so here it is.

“My father always used to comment that Geoffrey Boycott fitted into the ‘having back’ chapter, too,” says Bill Hargreaves.

Pochettino’s team were absolutely full of it. Moussa Sissoko, Vincent Janssen, Kyle Walker, Harry Kane, Mousa Dembele, Toby Alderweireld and Jan Vertonghen, all at the same time.

Half-time email: “Would you like to explain ‘having back?” snarks Richard Hirst. “What you say might not matter but we’d like to understand it!”

It means to have a sizeable posterior. Mark Hughes, Kenny Dalglish, Tanguy Ndombele and J-Lo all got back.

Half-time entertainment: let’s see if we can summon it up together.

This has gone more or less as expected, Chelsea pushing and Spurs seeking to counter. Which is to say that Mourinho will be relatively happy, expecting to score at some point and ultimately satisfied with a draw, while Lampard has thinking to do.

Not loads to report here.

45 min “Just seen a misplaced pass into the blue advertising hoardings, with blue covered seats behind, by Chelsea, wearing blue, all with white trim,” notes Hugh Molloy. “Whilst it’s not Man United’s invisibly grey kit from back in the day, I still wouldn’t fancy easily spotting a team mate.”

Yes, I can see that. Chelsea should be in skins.

43 min I’d also think about moving Ziyech infield. on the one hand, there’s more space out wide, but on the other he’s not getting on the ball often enough. Here he is now though, beating one man, and he could go on but opts to cross – to no avail. Spurs wanted him to do that, and are set up to defend that – Chelsea need to be cuter.

42 min I’ve probably said this plenty of times previously, but what is Kovacic doing out there? What is he meant to be doing out there? I don’t get it, and I’m almost certain that Chelsea would be creating more with Havertz and Mount playing as number eights.

41 min Abraham looks in good touch and an adroit flick sends Werner scooting away. But the ball has to move to the other flank for the cross to be sent in, and Abraham attacks it but Rodon is there with him and does enough.

39 min “Just don’t like the sound of Juicy Mourinho, sorry” says Paul Dorning.

I’d not thought of it before, but the velour tracksuit industry missed a right trick in the first decade of this century.

38 min Abraham does well to win the ball and find Kante, who sends it out wide to Ziyech. He quickly swipes a cross into the middle but Abraham, on the run, has to flap and contort just to force a limb onto it, diverting wide.

36 min Chelsea need more of what we’ve just seen: Abraham finding space and Chilwell deep inside the Tottenham half.

35 min Better from Chelsea, Abraham isolating Dier down the right side of the box and cleverly shifting him back and forth before creating the space to get by on the outside. He then powers along the by-line and forces a corner, and when it and the ensuing cross are improperly cleared, Chilwell races onto the bouncing ball to lash well over the top.

33 min “Pedants Corner,” says B Davis. “In fact the Portuguese pronunciation of the name José is not exactly ‘Joe-Zay’, because the first letter actually makes the sound that is the middle of ‘vision’ for example. The ‘o’ of José is short, as in ‘orange’, not a diphthong like the ‘oe’ in ‘Joe’.”

I love the word dipthong but it really should be an insult as in “Yeah, complete and utter diphthong, him.”

31 min Ndombele does really well out wide – having back is so useful for a footballer and he has it by the pantload – then cuts inside between three challenges, winning a free-kick. Son’s delivery is kicked clear.

30 min Kane goes for goal but has to dig it out to get the movement he’s seeking and it flies off towards Selhurst Park, wherever that is.

29 min Reguilon, who looks a player, dashes around Ziyech who yanks him down; he’s booked. Free-kick Spurs, 30 yards out, left of centre, and Hazza Kane fancies it.

27 min Spurs counter, Bergwijn into Kane onto Son, but when he finds Bergwijn yer man slips so that his pass for his captain is intercepted.

26 min “I realise this sort of explanation is not always welcome,” emails Nuno Ferreira, “but just in case you really wanted to know the correct pronunciation of José in Portuguese is ‘Joo-Zeh’, and the initial J sounds like the g in ‘genre’.

On the contrary, it’s always and absolutely welcome. Jay-Z and Joo-Zeh, Unreasonable No Doubt.

25 min “Your remark on 22 minutes invites the inevitable commentator’s curse!” reckons Richard Hirst.

Even I’m not so self-obsessed that I think any of what I say matters. But I’d be glad of a goal!

24 min Chelsea need to move the ball quicker and try to work overloads even if they’re in central areas. At the moment, Spurs are defending them pretty easily because they’re too strung out.

22 min There’s not a lot in this, but a Spurs goal on the counter looks more likely than a Chelsea goal under weight of pressure.

20 min “Is it just me or should we expect more of an elite striker? Werner’s finish did deserve praise from GNev and Martin Tyler, but no word about being a yard offside? Given his position on the field and the space he had, I thought it a dismal error on his part.”

I’m not sure. It’s so hard to watch the line and the ball, and it was marginal. I guess he could’ve given himself a yard on the basis that if the pass came, he had the gas and space to get away, but I think you’re being a little harsh on the lad.

18 min Chelsea pass a bit, but it’s all in front of Spurs. Their problem is that they don’t have wingers so rely on the full-backs to stretch the play, and they’re worried about defending the counter.

17 min This game is showing signs of sparking. Maybe Mourinho should ease a finger up Lampard’s nostril to help it on its way.

15 min The corner is only half-cleared and Ndombele lashes a shot that Mendy saves easily enough. Simply having a keeper not desperate to toss them in at all times has made such a difference for Chelsea.