The Fiver | The Goodison horn hero and Dejan Lovren's 17-minute cameo

SAX APPEAL

As the 236th Merseyside derby quietly unfolded before our increasingly glazed eyes, a lone saxophonist could be heard weaving their mellow melodies somewhere near a silent Goodison Park. Their rendition of Baker Street might not have been note perfect, their Love Will Tear Us Apart slightly off key. Nevertheless, the sweet sounds coming from their horn provided a far better soundtrack to the game than the option offered by Sky of disturbingly random International Superstar Soccer-style virtual crowd FX, which at one point celebrated an Everton throw, a full five seconds after the ball bobbled apologetically out of play, as it would a long-range belter by Ronarid.

To be fair, The Fiver is sure that everyone is trying their very best. See also Dejan Lovren, who came on late for a boots-too-tight 17-minute cameo that made David Luiz look like Bobby Moore. During one passage of play, Richarlison sent him sliding off home for his supper not once but twice. During another, the hapless Lovren accidentally set fire to a puddle. But despite it all, Liverpool hung on for a draw that nudges them one point closer to title No 19. A slight disappointment, in that a win would have given them the opportunity to wrap up the league against Crystal Palace on Wednesday night. But an opportunity with someone like Lovren in your defence is not much of an opportunity at all, so unless Joël Matip’s sore toe heals pronto, in many ways it’s all academic.

That opportunity will arise again should Burnley somehow take a point or more against Manchester City on Monday night. But the Clarets are without main attackers Ashley Barnes and Chris Wood, while their recent record against City is pitiful: they’ve lost eight of the last nine, won just one of the last 23, and have been spanked 5-0 on their last two visits to the Etihad. Room for improvement, let’s put it that way. It looks like Liverpool will have to wait a little longer, because the chances of Burnley getting something tonight are not high. Slightly less likely, in fact, than the Sky effects operator coaxing some realistic sounds out of their computer, or Everton’s next home game being accompanied by a flawless performance, faithful to the original 1964 recording, of A Love Supreme. Like the Goodison horn hero, we’re not holding our breath.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Sometimes people think in football you can do whatever you want but there are limits. They don’t know how the person they are being racist towards will feel and they should have respect for everybody because we are all equal” – Ricardo Pereira tells Ed Aarons about being racially abused in a youth match, his Portugal prospects and his improvement at Leicester under Brendan Rodgers.

Ricardo, there.
Ricardo, there. Photograph: Catherine Ivill/Getty Images

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FIVER LETTERS

“I’m not going to talk about the merits, of lack thereof, of artificial noise being pumped into stadiums (Fivers passim). However, if we are going to persist, can I ask that the stadium DJs have my two favourite tracks queued up: ‘Small Section of the Crowd Celebrating a Goal Due to a Misleading Angle, and Then a Larger Section Laughing at Them for Getting it Wrong’; and ‘Referee Falling Over’” – Tony Patterson.

“Re: Mikel Arteta’s David Luiz recycling dilemma (Friday’s Bits and Bobs). I was going to suggest he book a household bulky waste collection with Islington council until I read in the fine print they do not collect items longer than six feet. Back to square one, then” – Noel Jugovac.

“Strangely, when I tried this excuse in my very first job, all I got was a slap” – Noble Francis.

Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tony Patterson.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Netherlands captains Virgil van Dijk and Sari van Veenendaal have led the boycott of a Dutch TV show over racist remarks made by a longstanding pundit, warning: “This is no longer on the brink. This has nothing to do with humour any more. Enough is enough.”

Despite getting up close and personal with Neal Maupay’s throat at the end of their very Arsenaly defeat at Brighton, Matteo Guendouzi has escaped FA punishment.

Some handbags, earlier.
Some handbags, earlier. Photograph: Richard Heathcote/NMC/Getty Images Pool/EPA

Everton manager and former Madridista Carlo Ancelotti has been charged with tax-knack in Spain. Meanwhile, what are Everton players fighting for? “Our futures!” yelps Séamus Coleman.

Pep Guardiola reckons Manchester City will come back stronger after holding up the white flag in the Premier League this season. “Hopefully we can learn from our beginning to the season,” he blabbed. “After winning the [Charidee] Shield against Liverpool we dropped points that maybe we didn’t expect.”

Newcastle’s stalled takeover has been boosted after Saudi Arabia announced a stop to the violation of people’s human rights a major crackdown on platforms illegally streaming sporting events, such as the Premier League.

And Australia and New Zealand are in the flamin’ driving seat to host the 2023 Women’s World Cup after Japan’s bid team threw in the towel.

STILL WANT MORE?

Taking a knee is important but the lack of black people in positions of power in the Premier League shows that there is much more football must do on racial equality, writes Eni Aluko.

Players at West Ham v Wolves.
Players at West Ham v Wolves. Photograph: Tom Jenkins/The Guardian/NMC

Given the state of some of the matches, Sachin Nakrani really did take one for the team by binge-watching all the Premier League games and writing about it.

Sid Lowe has the latest from Spain, where Real Madrid are back in the ascendancy, but alas so too are VAR rows, complaints and conspiracy theories.

Striking gestures and Antonio Conte’s audible effing and jeffing made it clear that Serie A had returned to a different world, reports Nicky Bandini.

Werder Bremen are staring into the abyss – and it has given the Bundesliga much to ponder, reckons Andy Brassell.

And former Nasty Leeds defender Mustapha Carayol tells Will Unwin how regular rollickings from Steve Evans shaped him and how he’s loving life in the Turkish second division.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

source: theguardian.com