Energy drinks have become a big business in the last decade. Not that long ago there was only a handful of brands and flavors. Today, however, every company seems to have an energy drink. Even Coca-Cola. And one of the most successful and well-known energy drink brands on the market right now is Bang, which comes in a huge variety of flavors.
I found 19 of these flavors at Target and a few gas stations and after seeing folks recommend them in the comments on my past soda and energy drink reviews, I decided to check them out. Oh and I invited over some friends to help. They regretted coming over.
(Something to note: Buying all these drinks and consuming them was done many weeks ago, long before places were shutting down and social distancing was being advised. I don’t recommend anyone go out and buy 19 cans of Bang and then invite their friends over to try them at any time, but especially not right now. Stay home, save lives and wash your hands.)
To help keep this post organized and easy to read, I’ve split the flavors up into different groups.
None of these booze flavors actually contain any booze. So if you were a fan of Four Lokos back in the day and are craving some liquor and caffeine in a can, look elsewhere. Or actually don’t because that is a dangerous combo.
Pina Colada (1 out of 5): One of the worst flavors we tried. Too much coconut and a gross aftertaste made it hard to enjoy this flavor.
Frosé Rosé (2 out of 5): Better than Pina Colada, but it didn’t really taste like its namesake.
Champagne (4 out of 5): This was a strange one. On the one hand, it doesn’t really taste like Champagne. On the other hand, it had a nice bubblegummy flavor with a mild aftertaste. So good, but not because it tastes like booze.
Non-Alcoholic Drink Flavors
In the world of energy drinks, you often get flavors that are trying to replicate other drinks. This is because most energy drinks taste gross or overly acidic. So it makes sense to toss a bunch of fruit juice or whatever in the can to help improve the flavor.
Cherry Blade Lemonade (2 out of 5): My first sip of this was nice. But a few seconds later my mouth was filled with a terrible fake cherry aftertaste. It lingered too. Bleh.
Power Punch (3 out of 5): Totally fine. It tasted less like a punch and more like sweet candy. One of my friends described the flavor as melted down bottlecaps. Not metal bottlecaps, the candy ones. Remember those? This tastes like them.
Miami Cola (2 out of 5): Every can of Bang we opened contained a clear liquid. Not Miami Cola. It was just a brown cola. Unlike Coke Energy, Miami Cola just tasted like flat soda. If you like flat soda, I guess get some Miami Cola?
If something smells like fruit and tastes like fruit then it must be healthy for you, right? Don’t answer that question. Let me live in denial.
Peach Mango (4 out of 5): One of the best flavors out of all 19 cans we tried. It does taste mostly like mango, but you get a bit of peach towards the end of your sip. A nice drink that I could see myself drinking again.
Purple Guava (3 out of 5): I’ve never had guava in my entire life. Luckily, one person in our group had eaten guava a few times and according to them this mostly tastes like that fruit. To me, it tasted like cheap juice you get in school.
Black Cherry Lemonade (2 out of 5): I don’t like black cherry, so keep that in my mind, but this was a terrible flavor. This was one of the worst aftertastes of all the Bangs. Only redeeming quality was the lemonade flavor, but it wasn’t enough.
Some flavors of Bang were just too weird and wild for a normal category like fruit flavors. So I grouped them up together. These had the coolest looking cans, with bright and bold colors.
Birthday Cake Bash (3 out of 5): Do you like birthday cake ice cream? If you do, this is going to be one of your favorite flavors of Bang. If you don’t, then stay the hell away from this can. The most divisive flavor of the night. Some loved it. Others called it garbage in a can.
Rainbow Unicorn (4 out of 5): I had no idea what this flavor would taste like. After drinking it I still don’t know what it tastes like. It was really sweet and fruity, but not any specific fruit or flavor. Maybe this is what unicorns taste like? If so, I’m down to eat some unicorn burgers.
Cotton Candy (2 out of 5): It didn’t remind me of cotton candy, instead just a slightly sweet juice with a weird after taste. It is far less messy than real cotton candy, which is nice.
Sour Heads (2 out of 5): This flavor is, as the name implies, sour. But quickly that goes away and you are left with a weird taste in your mouth. Just eat Sour Heads instead.
Candy Apple Crisp (5 out of 5): I don’t like apples all that much, so I expected my reaction to this flavor would be me spitting it out or making a weird face. Instead, it was one of the best flavors of the night. One of my friends commented that they were upset about how good it tasted because they might now buy some in the future. (They are probably reading this post, so let me say once again: I’m sorry I made you drink 19 flavors of Bang energy. You are good friends and I love you.)
Lemon Drop (5 out of 5): This is just Sprite, but with a slightly sour twist. It is super good! The best flavor of the night. It was very refreshing too. I could see myself filling up a big glass with a ton of ice and drinking this on a hot summer night.
I Don’t Know
Some flavors of Bang are so strange, generic or different that it was impossible to categorize them. We all decided to just toss them into their own group. These are the IDK flavors.
Purple Haze (0 out of 5): The worst flavor by a wide margin out of all 19 we tried. It tasted like expired cough syrup. Artificial grape is never great, but in this can, it somehow got worse. Wild. Don’t drink. Avoid. Run away.
Bangster Berry (4 out of 5): It felt wrong to stick this in with fruits. After tasting it, yeah, it’s just mixed berries flavored juice with a lot of caffeine. Now I love berry flavored drinks, so that’s good news for me. But others thought it was just fine. I’m the one writing this post though, so I get to rate it a 4 out of 5.
Star Blast (2 out of 5): The can is red, white and blue. It is called Star Blast. We assumed that this was some sort of patriotic Bang flavor. It was meh and I barely remembered its flavor a few minutes later. Someone declared it the Joe Biden of Bang flavors. Accurate.
Blue Razz (2 out of 5): As I mentioned in the Bangster Berry blurb, I like berry flavored juices and sodas. But this flavor wasn’t berry enough for me to enjoy it. It had almost no taste. Just a can of mildly flavored berry soda. I’ll stick to Bangster Berry.
Mixing Them All Together
After taking a shot or two of each flavor, the group was feeling sick and wired. So it was in this mindset that we decided to mix them all together. We added a small pour of each can into a large cup. The resulting liquid was clear until we added some Miami Cola, then it turned into something that resembled tea. It smelled like everything but also nothing.
It tasted…completely fine. Weirdly, all the fake flavors mixed together created a bland fruity juice with a touch of sourness. Holding this concoction in your mouth for a few seconds did reveal more flavors, but overall not bad. I don’t ever want to drink it again, but not as bad as I expected.
And so, after drinking 19 cans of Bang energy and then drinking them all mixed up, we ended the night and people returned home. Folks later admitted they had trouble sleeping or felt like shit the next day. I felt sweaty for the rest of the night, but once I drank some water and got some sleep I woke up feeling fine!
Still, please don’t do this. Also, I know this isn’t every flavor of Bang. But this is all I could find around my local stores. I could have ordered some online, but most of the missing flavors were coffee-inspired and I can give you my rating right now for those: O out of 5.
Will I keep buying Bang Energy? Probably not. None of the flavors were as good as my old reliable white Monster Ultra. However, if I ever find myself desperate for an energy drink and I only have Bang to choose from, I now know to grab some Candy Apple Crisp.
And to avoid Purple Haze like the Coronavirus.