A fortnight ago, as Scotland arrived in Cordoba and approached their training bolthole atop the hills of Alta Gracia, the clutch on the team bus burnt out. Amid farcical scenes, the misfiring jalopy had to be nudged the last few hundred yards up the street by a truck travelling behind. As harbingers go, this one’s been a doozy.
In retrospect, perhaps they’d have been better off putting the thing into neutral and letting it run all the way back down the mountain before getting the first available return flight. Because ever since then, nothing at all has gone the way of Ally MacLeod and his beleaguered squad. The selección escocesa is brimming with world-class talent – reigning European club champions Kenny Dalglish and Graeme Souness of Liverpool; Archie Gemmill, who has just won the First Division with Nottingham Forest; the well-regarded Manchester United pair of Joe Jordan and Martin Buchan – so hopes of returning home with “a medal of some sort” weren’t too fanciful. It seemed a fair-enough shout at the time: at the outset, they were the fifth favourites with the bookies, behind Brazil, Argentina, West Germany and Holland. But you can bet your bottom peso that Ally now wishes he had kept his mouth shut and his feet on the ground, and hadn’t tempted the gods and goddesses of fate in such a brazen, reckless manner.
As we’re all too painfully aware, Scotland’s Group Four campaign has been a downright, copper-bottomed, risible fiasco. They were thoroughly outplayed by Teofilo Cubilas and Peru, then humiliated by Iran. Throw on top Willie Johnston and his pep-pills; Don Masson’s ludicrous false confession that he was also necking speedy sweeties, an attempt to take some heat off Johnston that must have made sense in his head at the time; rows in the camp over pooled sponsorship cash and bonus money; and the press conference Ally held after the Iran debacle, which saw him attempt to pat a stray dog while self-deprecatingly quipping that “this wee fellow is my only friend at the moment!” The dog bit him. Of course it did.
All of which means to say: Scotland really will shake ‘em up if they win the World Cup … because in order to stay in this year’s tournament, they’ll have to beat Holland by three clear goals tonight at the sparkling new Estadio Ciudad de Mendoza, set in a sunken natural bowl at the foot of the Andes. Good luck with that, then! At least the views are good.
But there’s no point going into battle completely bereft of hope. And Scotland should take heart from the fact that this Dutch side aren’t anywhere near as good as the 1974 vintage that really should have won the World Cup in West Germany. They don’t have the recalcitrant Johan Cruyff around any more, for a start. They also haven’t been on particularly good form here in Argentina, slightly flattered by a 3-0 win over Iran, toothless up front during a goalless draw with Peru. So Scotland aren’t dreaming an impossible dream. Mind you, Holland do still have Ruud Krol, Johnny Rep, Johan Neeskens and Rob Rensenbrink in their ranks. Two teams meet tonight having played well below their potential; it’ll all depend on who finally clicks into gear. It’s the business end of the first round of the Copa Mundial de la Fifa 1978! The group semi-final stage awaits! It’s on!
Kick off: 4.45pm in Mendoza, 8.45pm back home. (3pm BST for the purposes of this retro MBM.)