Lorraine Kelly: Crippling anxiety attacks, awful mum guilt and how I was almost adopted

Lorraine Kelly

Lorraine Kelly (Image: ITV/REX/Shutterstock)

“My show is not Newsnight, it’s about emotional intelligence,” she says breezily. 

And she’s the first to admit that this quality, shown in the warmth and compassion she bestows on her subjects, has been honed by the challenges she has faced in her own life. 

From the miscarriage that devastated her five years after the birth of her daughter Rosie, to the debilitating anxiety she suffered during the menopause, causing her to sob uncontrollably in private, Lorraine has dealt with more than her fair share of pain and struggle. 

But she’s a great believer in ­seeking help, staying positive and taking control. At 60, she says: “I’m finally at a point in my life where I feel confident, happy and fulfilled.” 

And she’s passing on what she has learned in Shine, her new “handbook for happiness”. 

Over the next three days we’ll be telling her own extraordinary story in her own words, along with her advice for surviving life’s challenges. 

Perhaps the most surprising part began before she was born, when Lorraine was lined up to be adopted. 

Had it not been for the determination and passion of her young father – who was just a teenager – Lorraine might have lived an entirely different life altogether. “My mum was 17 when she ­discovered I was on the way and my mother’s mother, Granny Mac, said she should go down south and have me adopted,” she tells me. 

“Thankfully my 17-year-old dad declared that of course he was going to marry my mum. He faced up to Granny Mac, stood up to her, and she had to admit that she got it wrong. 

“Granny Mac was a big presence in all our lives. She would put on her best clothes and spray herself in perfume to put the bins out. She was very well read, there were books from floor to ceiling in her house, and she liked to quote Shakespeare – she was self-taught.” 

And from the moment he stood up to her, she never stopped adoring Lorraine’s father, John, who was utterly devoted to his little girl. 

Lorraine’s parents John and Anne

Wedding day: Lorraine’s parents John and Anne (Image: Handout)

“From that point on he was the only person allowed to drive her car and he had a really special place in her heart,” she says. John’s conviction that Anne was the only girl for him, despite her ­tender years, was rewarded in July last year when they celebrated 60 years of marriage. 

“It is great they are still together,” says Lorraine. “Of course they drive each other crazy sometimes but they are still very young at heart, even with me being 60 they are only in their late 70s.” 

Unfortunately, John has been struggling with his health in the past year. “My dad has not been doing so well and we’re in touch all the time,” she says. “He broke his ankle very badly on Boxing Day 2018, and this affected his confidence. 

“This gave way to a massive infection in his lungs. At one point it looked like he was going to be diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, it turned out that it wasn’t, but it’s been a slow recovery, although he’s getting there.” 

Lorraine’s father was an apprentice TV engineer when he met Anne, who worked in a Glasgow record shop, but would have gone to university, says Lorraine, if he’d had the opportunity. 

Instead, the young family lived in the Gorbals, in the city’s East End, once considered the poorest, roughest and most deprived area in Europe. Despite their tender ages, they poured all their natural intelligence into their young daughter –including Granny Mac’s love of books – and Lorraine could read and write before she went to school. 

“They didn’t have much, but they did have that working-class ethic about improving yourself. I must have been one of very few five‑year‑olds in the East End of Glasgow with a telescope.

Lorraine with special guest Merry Berry

Lorraine with special guest Merry Berry (Image: Ken McKay/ITV/REX/Shutterstock)

“The best gifts my parents gave me were the knowledge that stuff doesn’t matter, and a curiosity, or nosiness actually, about the world that has stayed with me. It breaks my heart seeing families on phones – reading to your children is the most important thing. 

“I’m really indebted to them for that love of knowledge, even though they were a bit disappointed that I didn’t go to university and they couldn’t do the whole ‘graduation photo on the sideboard’ ­working-class thing. Fortunately, my brother Graham made up for that.”

Although naturally proud of their daughter, her parents are never “boasty” about her success. 

“When in the town centre, people know my mum by association but they are very Scottish. It’s just normal, just me doing my job.” 

And she says if ever she showed any signs of being “a diva” she would be firmly brought back down to earth by advertising agency boss Graham, six years her junior. 

The idea of Lorraine being a diva is unthinkable. She avoids ­showbusiness parties, and admits she often feels like “an outsider”, which has helped her relate to the LGBT community for whom she is an icon. She is also still happily married to Steve, the freelance TV cameraman she met at the start of her career and with whom she has a daughter, Rosie, 25. 

“He was the parent who said ‘Do your homework’ and ‘Eat your brussels sprouts’,” she says. Lorraine lived in London four days a week while Rosie went to secondary school in Scotland after she and Steve decided she should be ­educated there.

Lorraine with her husband Steve and daughter Rosie

Happy family: Lorraine with her husband Steve and daughter Rosie (Image: Handout)

In 2017, the couple finally left Dundee and moved to Berkshire so they could spend more time together. “She’s been a great kid and never caused me any problems, but I’m not her friend, I’m her mum,” says Lorraine. “I know Fergie, the Duchess of York, used to regularly go out clubbing with her daughters when they were younger, and I don’t get that at all. 

“Rosie has got pals to talk to, but I’m always there if she needs me and she knows I’m always in her corner.”

Despite rising at 4.30am every morning for nearly 30 years, Lorraine says Rosie, who now lives in Singapore and works in PR, has always been her priority, although as a working mother she suffered from terrible “mum guilt” at times. “When she was three and she was Mary in a nativity play, I was doing a radio show and said, ‘I’m really sorry but I can’t do the show today’. It was a bit of a Mexican stand-off, but I remember every single moment of that nativity.” 

There may have been a much smaller age gap between Lorraine and her own parents, but she learned her parenting priorities from them. 

“I remember my dad and I watching the moon landings and Star Trek together on the sofa,” she says. “We had the same cultural reference points. With me being born in ’59, they were into The Beatles and Bob Dylan, and my mum was in little mini-skirts with the Dusty Springfield look. We felt like the same generation. My friends’ parents felt like a totally different generation.” 

She admits she was a “nightmare” for her own mum when she was about 15 or 16. “We argued all the time and there was a lot of door slamming.” 

Lorraine’s ITV show has just moved to a new time slot – 9am to 10am – and she’s understandably upbeat about its success. 

Lorraine interviews Sir Michael Palin

Lorraine interviews Sir Michael Palin (Image: Ken McKay/ITV/REX/Shutterstock)

“We’re doing better than we ever have,” she says, “with our best figures for five years.” 

So she doesn’t need to seek approval from social media. In fact, she’s determined to ignore it as much as possible. 

Lorraine adds: “When I was younger and social media wasn’t around, the only way I knew if a member of the public didn’t like me was if they sent me a letter or called in to the show. 

In my early career, I worried about my accent, so those ­comments hurt. 

“But it was nothing compared to what we have to deal with now. I can get 100 positive comments, and then there will be one that’s mean and of course that’s the one I can’t get out of my head. 

“People even message me to slag off the cushions we have on the sofa. Who has the time?” 

She says she was lucky when she was starting out that there was no social media. “I’d have been destroyed,” she says simply. 

Shine: Discover a Brighter You by Lorraine Kelly (Century, £20). For free UK delivery, call the Express Bookshop with your card details on 01872 562310, or visit expressbookshop.co.uk

source: express.co.uk