It looks extremely pleasant round Mount Maunganui way. On the other hand, bumble is wearing a cream blazer and light brown slacks, so actually I’m better off in a box room in north London.
Ben Stokes tells Ian Ward that keeping New Zealand in check on a flat pitch was a good effort yesterday – they might’ve got away but they didn’t. He says Curran’s fuller length got the ball moving in the air and troubled De Grandhomme, and explains that they thought they most likely route to wickets was that movement through the air, which is why Curran bowled ahead of Archer. Ward doesn’t ask him if he thinks it worked.
“Evening Daniel,” emails Finbar Anslow. “From sodden Piedmont, I’ve been doing a bit of research about tailenders’ batting order; obviously runs are important but more so the ability to stick around. Either way if we take the Ashes averages I reckon it should be Leach (Ave 13.5 runs. Ave 40.7 balls faced) before Broad (Ave 12.2 runs. Ave 27 balls faced) and finally Archer (Ave 6.8 runs. Ave 12.7 balls faced) or is there some other determining factor I’m missing here?”
Piedmont! I feel like I’m back in History A-level, albeit considerably less state-altered. It might depend on circumstances – if you want someone to have a swing, Leach comes in last. But if you want someone to stick about while the batsman tries to bat, it makes no sense to have him below Archer, whose batting is not all that much like batting.
BJ Watling tells Ian Ward that England’s bowlers “asked some pretty good questions of us”, and that he had to work hard for his runs. He says that there are some crack appearing in the pitch and it wasn’t easy to score runs. Ward then tells him that his team-mates say he’s useless at 400-4, but great at 140-6 – I can scarcely conceive of a greater compliment.
“It’s lacking a bit of spark this Test,” tweets Michael Burgess. “Now, if it was part of the World Test Championship 19-21, it would be absolutely gripping.”
I’m not sure where the irony lies here, if anywhere. I agree that every series should be part of it, but I enjoyed days 1 and 2. Yesterday was dry, but it’s set up today which has plenty of potential.
How many of the Britpop bands have lasted better than Supergrass, and how many guitar bands do we have now who are anywhere near as good as them? Or, put another way: I am old.
Athers doesn’t get why Archer didn’t start the day with the ball yesterday, but he also calls out England’s lethargy.
Where do England find a spinner who can take first-innings wickets? I know this is no revelation, but the more I think about it, the more Graeme Swann was the key man in the side who got to world number 1. Quality spinners, especially in England, are so hard to find.
I suppose it’s possible that England mop up the last four New Zealand wickets early this morning, then collapse slightly earlier than scheduled.
Preamble
If you’re not absolutely buzzing for an England batting collapse that starts around mid afternoon and continues for eternity, I’m sorry but I can’t help you. Either you want England to lose, in which gezundheit, or you want England to win, in which case you’re eager to be gripped by a heady mix of nostalgia, mirth and self-hate. It’s going to be absolutely glorious.
The last two days have shown the absolute worst of Joe Root’s England. They still struggle to make enough runs, and they still struggle to get wickets on flat tracks. As for the captain, he just doesn’t have the feel for the game that a captain should have, so when things didn’t go well – partly because of the aforementioned problem – he doesn’t have the smarts to fiddle them back his way. Quite why Archer didn’t bowl first up I’ve don’t know, and quite why Stokes bowled so little, no one knows.
So, if they’re to turn this match around, England need quick wickets, then quick runs. Alternatively, New Zealand bat until tea and we’re all done by lunch tomorrow.
Play: 11am local time, 10m GMT.
Updated