TO THE EUROS?
Day five of what Raheem Sterling described as No Big Thing, a “5-10 second thing” so small that The Fiver’s eyes and ears are bleeding from having to read and hear about it. Of course, being the world’s most supercilious football email, we pretend to find the ongoing tedious analysis of minor scuffles beneath us, which is why we’ve written about it for the past two days and are now scribbling about it again, even though it has long since run out of legs. If only there was some actual football we could focus on instead, eh?
But what’s this? England’s 1,000th game is on, you say? Even if saying “1,000th” is surprisingly difficult. Go on, try it. See? And that’s about the only interesting thing we can think about to say about a milestone that is as remarkable as a 12th birthday, eighth wedding anniversary or fourth football email of the week. The “first”, in case you’re wondering, was played against Scotland at the West of Scotland Cricket Ground in Glasgow 147 years ago, ended in a draw and was actually the sixth. So on Thursday, England’s players – minus their best one – will have the honour of lining up for a momentous 1,005th international, with Montenegro their opposition and a place at Euro 2020 up for grabs.
“I guess this one comes around with a little bit of luck, just to be around and in the right place at the right time, but to be leading the team out for such a momentous occasion will be something I look back on when I’ve retired and can really take it in,” says Harry Kane in an interview in the match programme, the editor of which will be mightily relieved wasn’t conducted with Sterling instead. And while the idea of old Harry sitting in his rocking chair, dandling his grandchildren on his knee and regaling them with the story of his career highlight leading out his country for a routine qualifier is a cute one, we suspect the kids in question might prefer to hear the anecdote from his back catalogue that ends with: “It was … Rebekah Vardy’s account.”
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Paul Doyle from 7.45pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of England 2-1 Montenegro.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“RTVE will not join the bidding to buy the rights to broadcast [Spanish Big Cup] in Saudi Arabia because this country violates human rights, especially women’s rights in the area of sport. It’s a country where until very recently women couldn’t go to watch football. Human rights are fundamental to this corporation” – Jesús Álvarez, head of sport at the Spanish state broadcaster, isn’t having anything to do with a three-year deal for the revamped tournament.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: who The Fiver should support at Euro 2020 (yesterday’s Fiver). I think you should support VAR in Euro 2020 because: 1) it should be there, unlike Scotland; 2) it always gives you something to talk about the next day; 3) it gets a similar level of respect to The Fiver; and 4) 1,057 pedants will disagree with it and write in pointing out its errors … providing days of copy for future emails” – Andrew Collins.
“I’m going to be supporting the flamin’ Socceroos. If they can be in the Asian equivalent while also somehow performing in Eurovision, I just assume they’ll be in this tournament, and at the very least it might go some way to helping me understand what David Squires is on about when he writes about them instead of England” – Adam Shilling.
“We met quite a few Finns at Euro 2004 in Portugal in T-shirts with ‘Suomi’ on the front and ‘Never Qualified’ on the back. A great bunch of lads, as it happens, who’ll need new T-shirts” – David Payne.
“Congratulations to Jacklin O’Riordan for their creativity in thinking up Finder, the app that is a mix between The Fiver and Tinder (yesterday’s Fiver letters). One question: since Tinder is already filled with questionable profiles, would you, or anyone, really want to go out with anyone who reads The Fiver too? Think of the kind of folks who’ll be on Finder” – Nigel Assam.
“I remember when The Fiver used to carry a plug for Big Website’s own dating site in every issue. If you began linking to that again, it might expedite Derek McGee’s search for love, and provide more space in the letters for people like me to complain about Tottenham” – Seth King.
“It’s probably just as well that Frank Lampard’s Chelsea manager Frank Lampard is no longer in charge of Frank Lampard’s Derby County. That fine system (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs) would have to go up a notch to cope with recent events” – Stephen Hanley.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Adam Shilling, who bags a copy of A Tournament Frozen in Time. We’ve got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
After 29 days in charge, Carl Fletcher has been shown the door marked Do One at Leyton Orient. Harchester wouldn’t have treated him like this. “It’s unfortunate that we have parted company with Carl after such a short time, particularly as we are a club that tries to preserve stability,” tooted chairman Nigel Travis.
Macclesfield Town’s problems are continuing to mount after being charged with misconduct over the non-payment of players.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic has thanked LA Galaxy after voluntarily leaping ostentatiously to free agency. “I came, I saw, I conquered,” he fibbed. “I gave you Zlatan. You are welcome. The story continues … now go back to watch baseball.”
Blimey. Montreal Impact’s new head coach is … Thierry Henry. “To be in Quebec, in Montreal, which has a huge multicultural heritage, it’s extraordinary,” he cheered.
Glenn Tamplin is also back, baby! The former Billericay Town owner has taken charge at Romford FC, sacking the managerial team, appointing himself as manager and signing 15 new players.
And fans of the January 2020 transfer window will be struggling to contain themselves after it was confirmed the deadline for Premier League clubs will be 11pm GMT on 31 January.
STILL WANT MORE?
The new documentary on Diego Maradona’s managerial stint in the Mexican second divisions is well worth your time. Ed Vulliamy reports.
Finland captain Tim Sparv tells Will Unwin how Finland hauled themselves to the verge of Euro 2020 qualification.
How many things do you reckon we’ve got for you to look out for this international break? As per.
David Hytner chews over Gareth Southgate’s rather more candid pre-match chat before England v Montenegro.
Big Phil Neville needs to be bolder if he is to prolong his England tenure, reckons Suzanne Wrack.
Graham Ruthven examines what legacy shy, retiring Zlatan will leave for MLS.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
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