SPURRED ON
If revenge is a dish best served cold, then Bayern Munich will be hoping to plate up a three-course meal of chilly retribution on a bed a permafrost and sprinkled in ice-shavings, all washed down by a bottle of vintage liquid hydrogen at White Hart Lane. The German champions have won 22 Bundesliga titles, two Big Cups, 13 German Cups, one Euro Vase and one Club World Cup in the past 35 years, a tidy haul of shiny pots they would happily surrender for the chance to hop in the club DeLorean, set the date for 7 December 1983, go through the gears until they hit 88mph and head back in time for another crack at the second leg of their Euro Vase third-round second leg defeat at the hands of Tottenham.
It was the last time the clubs met, an occasion when a 26-year-old maestro named Glenn Hoddle conducted the orchestra as goals from Steve Archibald and Mark Falco helped Spurs overcome a first-leg deficit, advance to the next round and eventually win their second piece of European silverware. In the intervening years, Tottenham have added another three trophies to their roll of honour, compared to Bayern Munich’s 39. Is it any wonder those Germans are stewing? “We need to be ready both physically and mentally to find answers for the questions they will give us,” trilled Bayern manager Niko Kovac, upon being asked if he thought his team would need to be ready both physically and mentally to find answers for the questions they will give us.
Meanwhile in Manchester, Pep Guardiola is preparing the Premier League champions for their first ever match against Croatian side Dinamo Zagreb. It being one of those special European nights, Manchester City fans are expected to temporarily halt their relentless bleating about media bias against their club, to free up time for moaning about Uefa bias against their club. The Etihad Stadium has yet to light up the “House Full” signs for a Big Cup group game under Pep’s watch and the chances of them doing so here seem supermodel slim. “I know for the fans it’s the Premier League that is most exciting,” parped Pep. “We’ve done polls and the people prefer by far to win the Premier League than [Big Cup].” Given the world’s wealthiest club’s perplexing ongoing inability to win Europe’s main competition, The Fiver can’t help but wonder how those canvassed could possibly know.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Barry Glendenning from 8pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Manchester City 3-1 Dinamo Zagreb, while Nick Ames will be on hand for Tottenham 1-2 Bayern Munich.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It was pouring with rain and the park was completely empty. There were only spectators watching the girls play. But across the pitch, some of the parents noticed this tall gentlemen walking his dog. It was fantastic to see him and I wasn’t surprised to see him in his Liverpool cap and red jacket. When the half-time whistle went, all the girls started screaming and running to him, but he really didn’t mind, he took it all in his stride” – Rob Pratten, the parent of an Ashton FC U-18s player, reveals Jürgen Klopp’s downtime is very much of the busman’s holiday variety, given that he spent a day off in Formby watching football wearing his Liverpool coaching gear.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on … the Arsenal captaincy vote. And you can get your own copy here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly, in full effect. Meanwhile, another live show in that there London, you say?
FIVER LETTERS
“Yesterday’s Fiver was hilarious; more laughs than the previous month’s Fivers put together. My warmest congratulations and gratitude to all your letter writers” – Simon Riley.
“Re: ‘Sydney Leroux returning to action after the birth of her second child quicker than The Fiver can come up with a mildly funny joke’ (yesterday’s Quote of the Day). The Fiver has come up with a mildly funny joke?” – Matt Robinson.
“As reinforced again on Monday night, if Arsenal want to be serious contenders for the title, they need to get wins against these mid-table teams” – Gavin Simmonds.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Matt Robinson.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The FA is investigating an allegation of racial abuse directed at Charlton’s Jonathan Leko by an opponent during Saturday’s Championship win over Leeds.
Nice have terminated the contract of Lamine Diaby-Fadiga for stealing teammate Kasper Dolberg’s watch.
Ole Gunnar Solskjær wants hacks to stop saying nasty things about his Manchester United team, whose 1-1 draw with Arsenal confirmed their worst start to a top-flight season in 30 years. “You can talk about results, I can talk about six out of seven good performances,” he honked. “West Ham, we know, was below par [losing 2-0] but it wasn’t as bad as you lot made it out to be.”
Groin-twang means Kevin De Bruyne will miss Manchester City’s Big Cup date with Dinamo Zagreb later.
Jan Vertonghen reckons he still has enough juice in his creaking legs to avoid being flung on the nearest N17 scrap heap. “I’m very ambitious and I feel I’ve got a couple of good years left in me,” roared the Spurs defender, while doing star jumps to prove his point. “Am I in contract talks? I prefer not to go too deep into that.”
Jongleurs FC players [you’re really going to re-open this despite it going into administration in 2017? – Fiver Ed] have returned to training after Monday’s session was cancelled to allow Bernard Cribbins to release steam from his sizeable heed.
Southend have confirmed that 2003’s Henrik Larsson is on their five-man shortlist to succeed Kevin Bond as manager. “[He] is obviously one of the individuals that we have been interviewing, but he is not the only candidate and no decision has been made,” blabbed chairman Ron Martin.
And Lawrence Shankland, who has snaffled 13 goals in seven Scottish Championship games for Dundee United, has been rewarded with a place alongside Shortbread McFiver in the national squad for Euro 2020 qualifiers with Russia and San Marino.
STILL WANT MORE?
Women’s football welcomes new fans but not the offensive chants of some, writes Suzanne Wrack.
Manchester United v Arsenal: mid-table dross, sniffs floating brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson, while Barney Ronay gives his verdict on two underpowered sides lost in transition.
Bayern Munich visit Spurs in Big Cup with all running smoothly on the pitch, but a bit of a palaver off it, explains Ben Fisher.
Manchester City’s Big Cup opponents, Dinamo Zagreb, boast a potent threat in Dani Olmo, who left Barcelona to get a taste of the action, reports Aleksandar Holiga.
Asif Kapadia’s Diego Maradona documentary is well worth a look, reckons Francisco Navas.
And Monaco look like they’ve become good again, cheer Adam White and Eric Devin.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!