Sports legends have teamed up to give hilarious tour of theatres in London

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Sports legends Henry Blofeld and Graeme Swann, Aka Blowers and Swanny, have teamed up (Image: Steve Reigate)

Resplendent in pink shirt, red trousers and blue cravat, Blofeld turned 80 last Monday and shows no sign of slowing down. He made his name on Test Match Special but now with former England test cricketer Graeme Swann is embarking on a two-man theatre tour which we’re here to talk about in a central London bar, disturbed occasionally by autograph-hunters and selfie-seekers. 

The pair have done two previous tours to great acclaim and their chemistry and warmth is instantly apparent. (As everyone in sport has to have a nickname, Blofeld refers to himself as “Blowers” and Swann is, inevitably, “Swanny”). 

“It’s not really a cricket show. It’s fun, it’s humour,” Blowers explains. “We’ve done two previous tours. Of course Swanny was in Strictly Come Dancing – that looms large. 

“We’re expecting a lot more girls and ladies coming along this time to see Swanny and keeping their fingers crossed.” 

Certainly Swann, for whom the phrase tall, dark and handsome could have been invented, strikes quite a contrast to Blofeld. 

But he is under no illusions about the incredible influence of appearing on Strictly, joking “and me … coming an incredible seventh!’’ 

Taking 255 wickets in 60 Tests is quite an achievement but, apparently, cannot rival appearing on the prime-time jewel in the crown of the BBC’s family entertainment. 

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After Mr Swann appeared on Strictly, the pair hope the tour will appeal to people outside of sports (Image: BBC)

“I didn’t realise until I did it that Strictly is an enormous TV show,” he says. “Every sportsman is full of their own self-importance, thinking they are a household name. But in Strictly you take on a whole new level of recognition.” 

“I was at home every Sunday and would go to the local shop. The only person whoever stopped me was the guy behind the counter to talk about cricket. 

“I used to look forward to our chats and the first weekend after Strictly I went down in the same disgusting shorts I wear every week and as I left the shop there were two families with young girls waiting for me because of the show. 

“Strictly provided me with more stories [for the theatre] in ten weeks, than five years in cricket ever did.” 

Swann acquitted himself well dancing, but Blofeld is not in line for the Strictly first team: “My hips would forbid it. I will settle for nothing other than Love Island.” 

The current tour is called Dancing down the Wicket and, Swann admits, has not been “extensively researched”. 

“We just sit down and chat, really,” he says. 

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Mr Blofeld says Strictly gave him a whole new level of recognition among the public (Image: Getty)

“It’s about what has happened in the last 12 months in the world of cricket but also in the world of Henry Blofeld and Graeme Swann.” 

But before Love Island, Blofeld has a part in a TV series, of which he’s currently not allowed to talk. “My role is going round being a good chap,” he says. 

To which Swann adds: “Which is all Henry should ever do.” 

And he does it very well.” 

They really are chalk and cheese, Swann from Nottingham, Blofeld went to Eton. “But I am not a professional Old Etonian” he insists. “I don’t hang a flag to it. The one thing none of us can do is choose our parents, which is what it comes down to.” 

Swann is the straight man to Blofeld’s comedy but it works. After we meet, Blofeld’s 80th birthday celebrations are due to extend over 10 days at his Minorca house. 

That’s twice the length of a test match. 

“It’s like an Indian wedding,” Swann observes drily. He is not able to go but Blofeld observes: “When I told them you weren’t coming they breathed a sigh of relief that you could have been heard in the southern hemisphere.” 

A comment that would almost qualify as “sledging” in cricket where opposing players make barbed comments to each other in the hope of putting their opponents off. 

Blowers is not a fan of the practice. 

“I can’t bear sledging when it gets to the really personal level,” he says. Although in his forthcoming book he seems to show a sneaking admiration for former England captain Michael Atherton’s way of dealing with it. 

When Atherton nicked a ball off his bat and was caught, the umpire didn’t give him out. 

Australian bowler Glenn McGrath faced up to Atherton and asked him why he didn’t walk (admitting that it was a catch). 

It is not something the Australians do, so Atherton just smiled and said: “When in Rome, dear boy…” 

To which wicketkeeper Ian Healy replied: “Mate I don’t get that. We’re playing in Sydney.” 

Which just proves that even sledging can fall on stony ground. 

Blofeld adds that it has to be witty to work. “If you said to David Warner [Australian batsman] you can only do it if you’re funny, he would never open his mouth again.” 

Apart from theatre shows, Blofeld is a regular on Cunard cruises. “They call it lecturing but that’s just a pompous word for trying to make people laugh.” 

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England Captain Alastair Cook celebrates with ‘Swanny’ and son Wilfred (Image: Getty)

He already has one set up for Christmas. 

“The only person protesting is my liver. It’s waving the white flag already,” he says. 

The other passengers on the cruise are subject to the Blofeld judgement. “You meet some lovely people and others you wouldn’t let go past the off stump,” he says. 

Of one of his previous marriages (he has been married three times and divorced twice), he wryly observes “I was bowled by a ball I should have left alone.” 

Swann, by contrast, just wants to spend Christmas at home. 

After years spent on cricket tours, one of his daughters once asked her mother Sarah: “Will Daddy be home for Christmas this year?” 

“It’s kind of heartbreaking hearing that,” Swann says. 

So what does the future hold? Swann says: “Henry is the guy I envy. I guarantee I will end up like him.” 

To which Blofeld replies: “In which case we’ll both be sleeping rough.” That’s after Love Island, of course. 

source: express.co.uk