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By Dennis Romero
“Saturday Night Live” this week pondered what life behind bars might look like for embattled celebrities Lori Loughlin, Michael Avenatti, Julian Assange and Tekashi 6ix9ine.
In a spoof of MSNBC’s reality show “Lockup,” Kate McKinnon portrayed a tough Loughlin, the actor who is charged with fraud for allegedly paying $500,000 in bribes to help her two daughters get into the University of Southern California.
Loughlin stood tough as she met with common criminals who tested her mettle.
“I’m a loco,” she proclaimed.
Her cellmates grew more impressed by the $500,000 bribe allegation and what Loughlin said was one daughter’s communication major.
“She’s an influencer on Instagram,” she said.
“Guards,” a fellow inmate said, “get her away from me.”
Loughlin continued to impress with hard-life credibility: “You think prison is hard, I have done 68 Hallmark movies.”
She was joined by attorney Michael Avenatti, accused of embezzling millions of dollars from a client, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, charged with conspiring to hack into secret files and Tekashi 6ix9ine, arrested late last year on racketeering and firearms charges.
Avenatti and Assange have said they are innocent; Tekashi 6ix9ine pleaded guilty early this year.
In the skit Avenatti, portrayed by Pete Davidson, established his street credibility by saying, “I’m so shady that a porn star once said that she needs to distance herself from me.”
He was referring to Stormy Daniels, the adult performer who said she had a liaison with President Trump in 2006.
Michael Keaton made a special appearance to portray Assange. He said, “I know everything, baby,” because he has access to the world’s private computer files.
Tekashi 6ix9ine, played by Melissa Villaseñor, turned out to be the tamest cellmate.
“You here for something crazy?” one of the inmates asked.
“Nah,” he said, “just robbery and gun stuff.”
News segment “Weekend Update” had more fun with Assange’s arrest this week at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London.
President Trump said, “I know nothing about WikiLeaks.” But during his campaign for president he trumpeted the Wikileaks’ exposure of hacked emails from Hillary Clinton’s campaign.
“You’re more obsessed with Wikileaks than this audience is with BTS,” said “Weekend Update” co-host Colin Jost, referring to the night’s musical guest, a K-pop act with rabid fans.
Co-host Michael Che had more criticism for Trump after the president considered dumping undocumented immigrants in so-called sanctuary cities, like New York.
“What’s the message,” he said, “have some more voters? You can’t scare us with more immigrants. That just means faster Ubers.”
Academy Award winner Emma Stone hosted the show for the fourth time.