Tracey Edge with husband Andrew, son Marcus and daughter Melissa (Image: Tracey Edge)
Running a marathon is notoriously tough, so for most people crossing the finish line is a mixture of joy and relief.
But when mum and daughter Tracey and Melissa finish the London Marathon later this month, they know the moment will be bittersweet.
The two people who would have been most proud of their achievement – Andrew, husband to Tracey and dad to Melissa, and Marcus, Tracey’s son and Melissa’s younger brother – won’t be there to cheer them on or give them a hug at the end.
Both took their own lives, Andrew on a railway line in January 2009 and Marcus, in the same way, four years later, aged just 19.
According to the Samaritans, there were 6,213 suicides in the UK and Republic of Ireland in 2017. Of these, 4,694 were male – more than 75 per cent.
And the most recent figures from the Office for National Statistics revealed that the number of teenage suicides in the UK has doubled in the past eight years.
“Every week I go to their grave with fresh flowers,” says Tracey, 52, an accountant who lives in Bicester, Oxfordshire.
“I prefer to remember them by thinking of all the happy memories,” says Melissa, 27, a financial analyst who lives in London.
And by all accounts there were lots – life was good for the family of four as Melissa and Marcus grew up.
Andrew managed a successful petrol station in Chinnor, Oxfordshire.
Then in 2002 he sold the business because he wanted a career change and to spend more time with his family.
“He struggled to get another job,” recalls Tracey. “He did a sales rep job but it was lonely.”
He swapped his BMW for a van and spent hours sitting at his computer, disconnected from the family.
Tracey and Melissa are running the London Marathon (Image: Tracey Edge)
It was a world away from the man who Tracey had fallen in love with.
“He used to be so full of energy and great fun,” she remembers.
Indeed, Melissa, 27, has nothing but good memories of her father, who kept everything from the children.
“He was a great dad, good fun and didn’t take life too seriously. He loved going on the fast rides with us at Alton Towers and had planned a skydive for his 44th birthday,” she says. Sadly though, while he managed to shield the children from his inner turmoil, for Tracey it was impossible to ignore.
“He felt he didn’t have much to give the family,” says Tracey. “Once I found him in the garage crying but he would never talk about how he felt.”
Marcus and Melissa (Image: Tracey Edge)
By Christmas 2008 Andrew was incredibly withdrawn.
Then on Friday, January 16, 2009, he didn’t come home as planned to take the children swimming.
“He would never normally let the children down,” says Tracey. “He was a brilliant dad.”
Then Tracey received a text from Andrew.
“It was heartbreaking,” says Tracey. “Andrew said that he loved me and goodbye.”
The rest of that day is a blur.
Two policemen came to the house and told Tracey there had been “an incident on the railway line”.
Melissa, then 17, remembers that the immediate aftermath wasn’t crying but more of stunned shock.
In April 2013 Marcus broke his right arm and couldn’t go skiing with friends or try out for the Army (Image: Tracey Edge)
Tracey admits that after the shock came anger.
“I was angry that he’d left me to deal with it,” she says. “And angry for the children.”
Remarkably, by Monday morning the children went back to school and Tracey to work.
Some people were shocked but they felt they had to carry on.
Tracey started counselling but she doesn’t feel the children received the right support.
Melissa had a few sessions with a school counsellor but Marcus, then 15, initially didn’t appear to show any reaction to what had happened, so didn’t see anyone.
However, by September, he was skipping school.
“I was struggling too and trying to keep the family together,” says Tracey. “We were all so angry with each other and it felt like our family was falling apart.”
Marcus had a girlfriend, a good group of friends and seemed happy (Image: Tracey Edge)
A year after Andrew’s death, Marcus was referred to a counsellor, but he didn’t find the sessions helpful either.
A few months later, Marcus posted a message on Facebook saying how deeply unhappy he was.
Distraught, Tracey raced home in tears.
“We hugged and Marcus reassured me that he was okay,” says Tracey.
And as time went on, Marcus seemed to be doing better.
The children supported Tracey when she met Chris, 42, online and in March 2013 they all moved to Bicester in Oxfordshire to live with him.
Marcus had a girlfriend, a good group of friends and seemed happy.
But not long after moving, in April 2013, Marcus broke his right arm and couldn’t go skiing with friends or try out for the Army.
The siblings in happier times (Image: Tracey Edge)
“It started a downward spiral,” explains Tracey. “I drove him to a party one night and we talked. ‘You don’t know how I feel, mum,’ he said.”
Tracey thought he was referring to the skiing trip and reassured him things would soon be back to normal.
The following morning, on Monday, April 8, 2013, Marcus was still asleep when Tracey left for work.
She didn’t wake him but decided to speak to him that evening about going to see a doctor.
Later that day Tracey received a call from a friend of Marcus, telling her Marcus had sent a goodbye text.
“I knew it was true,” says Tracey. “I just knew that he was gone.”
Arriving back in Bicester, she stopped a passing policeman and asked for help.
“When the police confirmed Marcus’s death I felt overwhelming despair,” recalls Tracey.
The family when the children were young (Image: Tracey Edge)
“Then the realisation kicked in that I had to tell Melissa and I just didn’t know how to.
“I was so scared what impact a second tragedy would have on her.”
As Melissa was at work an hour’s drive away, police went to break the bad news and bring her home.
“When the police told me I felt like I’d been winded,” recalls Melissa.
“I couldn’t speak or breathe.”
Heartbreakingly, it emerged that Marcus had phoned two different doctors that day but they hadn’t been able to fit him in.
“That was his last cry for help,” says Tracey.
Melissa and her brother Marcus on holiday (Image: Tracey Edge)
“Had he been given an appointment he might be here today.”
Marcus was buried with his dad and Tracey and Melissa started trying to rebuild their lives.
“We kept busy and tried to maintain as much of a normal life as possible, it’s what Andrew and Marcus would have wanted,” says Tracey.
“A tragedy tells you who your real friends are.”
“We had some amazing support around us,” says Melissa.
Now, 10 years on, the mum and daughter are on a mission to reduce the stigma around mental health and encourage other people to seek help.
The family when the children were younger (Image: Tracey Edge)
They are running the London Marathon to raise money for the mental health charity Mind.
“Marcus was so gentle and deep, I wish he could have got help in time,” says Tracey.
“I can’t change what happened but I can change the future and I think there should be more help available.
“I have no doubt Andrew and Marcus were suffering from depression and because they didn’t feel they could talk about it, they took their lives.”
● To support Tracey and Melissa visit their Just Giving page.
• If you need to talk to someone, you can call Samaritans free, any time, on 116 123 (this number will not appear on your phone bill) or visit www.samaritans.org to find details of your nearest branch.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.