3rd over: England 0-0 (Burns 0, Denly 0) Oh dear; Gabriel has limped off feeling his hamstring. That is bad news for West Indies and bad news for us. Anyway, Roach continues probing and Burns wafts at a wide one, enticed by a fuller length, missing by plenty. Maiden.
“When Joe Denly played for Middlesex,” emails Miranda Jollie, “we used to greet his arrival at the crease with a chorus of ‘Everybody’s doing the Joe Denly stance’ to the tune of Len Ganley Stance by the mighty Half Man Half Biscuit. Hoping he does well, if only so we can try and introduce this into the Barmy Army’s repertoire.”
Can you clap yourself after it? If so, there’s a chance.
2nd over: England 0-0 (Burns 0, Denly 0) Right then Joseph, let’s see what’s what. Shannon Gabriel has the ball and his first go with it slants across the pads and around the corner. As the aforementioned Giggs would say, he’d’ve took it. Next up, a solid push forward then an ill-timed clunk to point, and he’s in the match. I’ve literally no idea how you process the emotion of a moment like this, and that’s before you’ve even thought about the pressure; I’d be greeting my eyes out and I’m not even a greeter. Speaking of which, when was your most inappropriate bout of tears? I’ll start: on my stag, in a Blackpool theme park, I was overcome with a ride of which i was scared and following a rather busy night, so bawled like a baby . Anyway, Denly has clearly resolved to play his natural game because he then waves at one and misses, then chases a wide one and misses again. He does not like the aesthetic of Denly 0. But he’ll have to wait to address it because that’s another maiden.
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1st over: England 0-0 (Burns 0, Denly 0) Gosh, that’s some start! Roach goes around immediately and Burns goes to play then to withdraw, knocking the ball into the ground and so nearly into his stumps. That was bracing. Meanwhile, the Barmy army sing Jerusalem then applaud themselves, and rightly so; Burns plays out a maiden.
If you’re Denly, do you face? I suppose you might want to get it over with, but you probably won’t want to be out first ball of the match.
“Peter Salmon appears to have forgotten Sam Curran, Jack Leach, Rory Burns and Ben Foakes,” notes Peter Lee.
Sorry, that’s my fault – I’ve been ill in bed all week. That’s probably why I’m not 691.
The conditions, reckons Athers, are pretty English. They’re going to ruin themselves for no reason any minute now.
Bumble and Athers are talking about Ben Stokes, and his change to a more defensive style. It reminds me a bit of Ryan Giggs – Alex Ferguson said something about his mid-90s period spent “trying to become the perfect footballer”, instead of focusing on what made him special to begin with.
I think, though, that Stokes is a victim of his team-mates so is trying to be two different batsmen: a technically-correct number 3, because that’s what the team needs, and Flintoff with technique, which is his natural game. Basically, he needs some help.
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“Congratulations to Joe Denly on becoming England player 690 today,” emails Peter Salmon. “Here’s something to ponder on though – the next highest cap in the English team is Jos Buttler at 665 – so 25 players have been tried and discarded before Denly. In fact, going back 30 caps, only Buttler and Moeen survive, and only Haseeb Hameed (43.80) and Ben Foakes (47.33) have averaged over 37 with the bat, and only Toby Roland-Jones (19.64) and Jack Leach (26.21) under 30 with the ball. I’m sure Denly will buck the trend though…”
Robert Key, who’s good mates with Denly, says he likes him as an opener, while Collingwood says that his age is an advantage – he knows that he can score runs because he’s scored them.
He’s not opened for a while, but is excited for the opportunity and is glad he can get on with it rather than sit in the shed waiting.
Denly can’t stop smiling – it’s beautiful to see, and quite moving. He learnt on Tuesday afternoon that he was playing when, doing some bicep curls in the gym Root called him over. “It’s an emotional time”.
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Denly was presented with his cap by Matt Prior, who sadly refrained from wearing his cycling gear.
England would’ve bowled too. I’ll bet. West Indies will fancy getting in amongst them right away, all the more so given Joe Denly making his debut. He comes in for Keaton Jennings, and Stuart Broad comes in for Adil Rashid.
Pitch report: from my vantage point in a north London box-room, I can tell you that it’s damp and should offer something to the bowlers.
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It’s been raining in Antigua this morning, but we ought still to get away on time. And, according to Cricinfo’s George Dobell, Jack Leach is the man who misses out for England.
As those of us who’ve played the game can attest, back to back Tests are an absolute killer. But, in this instance, it would be unacceptable for the authorities to make us wait any longer to see what happens next.
Preamble
Test cricket has many beauties, but one that distinguishes it from all other sports is the incomparable buzz of watching your team take a kicking. Slaughtered by South Africa? Yes please! Pickled by Pakistan? Get in there! Wasted by West Indies? Give me more!
And last week, England were wasted by West Indies; it was absolutely glorious, just as it will be if it happens again this week. In part, this reflects a simple love for the game and its Caribbean iteration in particular – but there’s a bit more to it than that.
The current England team have somehow coalesced into a feckless collective, their relationship to their talent bordering on the disrespectful. There’s nothing new in a brittle batting order, but there’s everything new in one this able crumbling this frequently – all the more galling given how likeable they are as individuals. We want better from them because we want better for them, and if they’re rude enough to deny us that gratification, we’ll make damn sure to enjoy their pain.
In short: these next five days are going to be great. Here we go!
Play: 2pm GMT
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