Indulge In “You Time” For The Holidays!Getty
The holidays elicit a range of emotions for all of us. The excitement of gifts and special time with family and friends can be offset by the stress of shopping, visiting and events. While over time divorced families may acclimate to the day-to-day challenges of multiple houses, the holidays can still trigger difficult emotions even a decade or more after going through a divorce. Regardless of how many houses and emotions you have to navigate, find the happy in the holidays with these tips:
1. Be Intentional
What matters most to you? Whether it’s creating a special experience with your kids, completing a project or simply taking the time to rest, write down your top priorities and make them happen. Enjoy treasured time with those you love and who uplift you. Refuse to focus on past issues and encourage others to do the same. Write out what positive memories you intend to create. Acknowledge that challenges do exist, but concentrate on why your glass is half full with plenty of room for joy!
2. Understand That You Are Not Alone, And Have Choices
While you may feel like everyone else has a happy family to celebrate with when you are by yourself, the most recent U.S. Census reports that 110 million adults are unmarried making up 45% of U.S. citizens over 18. Try to keep as many routines and historical family traditions that still work while being flexible and adapting where needed. When a past tradition no longer fits, simply let it go and create a new meaningful tradition that honors your priorities without adding stress.
3. Reframe Your Mindset
A colleague told me that growing up she always felt badly leaving her mom alone after opening Christmas gifts to go celebrate with her dad. Years later, she learned that her mom actually savored her guilt-free solitude after Christmas morning together. If you are up for the challenge, consider a joint event with your former spouse and your children. Outings such as a movie allow your children to enjoy time with both of you in a neutral setting without requiring too much interaction with your ex. The best present you can give your children likely is to foster a positive relationship with their other parent throughout the year.
Invest In Experiences or Long-Term SavingsGetty
4. Give Gifts That Keep On Giving
Studies show that doing good deeds for others can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall health. Try volunteering and doing random acts of kindness. Charitable donations provide vital support to causes you believe in and may reduce how much you pay in taxes. Include your children in volunteering and philanthropic support. It will help them develop a spirit of generosity and become financially responsible adults.
Include yourself on the gift list with an investment in your future. Enroll in advanced education or maximize your retirement plan or IRA contributions. A $5,000 investment will grow to ~ $20,000 in 20 years at a 7% average return. For kids, consider investing in a unique experience like a leadership mission trip or making contributions to 529 education accounts, an IRA or a down payment on a house.
While some indulgence is likely appropriate, don’t break your budget. If possible, coordinate reasonable kids’ gifts with their other parent. If you have a lot of anger towards your ex, buy yourself a punching bag or time in a rage or smash room. Yes, they do exist and are a safe way to release tension and get a great workout! Schedule time with a divorce therapist to help you get closure on the past and prepare for healthy relationships in the future. Treat yourself to a singles trip, a dating coach, a new look or an interesting book.
5. Focus On Your Future
This season will be amazing when you focus forward on what you can control. Get ready to unwrap many wonderful gifts as you create your next chapter in 2019!
What are you going to do to make this holiday season meaningful and memorable?