Sri Lanka hammer England by 219 runs (DLS) in fifth ODI – live!

So that’s that. A pretty grim performance from top to bottom from England, with the possible exception of Ben Stokes with the bat. But the series was already won, they were without a few key men and this probably won’t mean anything of note beyond this single game. The series ends in a 3-1 victory for England, three of the four results decided by DLS.

The sensible call is made, with absolutely no prospect of any further play. That’s England’s highest ever ODI defeat, apparently.

“Let’s see what it looks like in 20 minutes, eh…?”

There will almost certainly be no more play today, and as at the start of the last over the DLS par score was 328, I would rate England’s chances as slim.

26.1 overs: England 132-9 (T.Curran 1, Wood 0) – target 367 We’re treated to the delightful sight of Aleem Dar confirming the Plunkett wicket, running off the field with his finger raised high in the air because the skies have entirely opened, dumping fat chunks of rain on the stadium.

The TV pictures are dropping in and out due to weather, but they emerge for just long enough to confirm Plunkett trapped in front. His review was adorably optimistic.

26th over: England 132-8 (Plunkett 5, T.Curran 1) – target 367 More thunder, more Dar nerves. The groundstaff are gathering next to those vast tarps, and the rain is starting.

25th over: England 131-8 (Plunkett 4, T.Curran 1) – target 367 Aleem Dar is rather spooked by some thunder in the Colombo area. So much so that he stops Dananjaya almost in his delivery stride. Only an act of God can stop Sri Lanka now. And even then, they’re ahead on DLS.

What a weird shot from Rashid. I genuinely can’t work out if he didn’t pick the spin, played down the wrong line, a combination of the two or something else. Whatever, off stump is knocked back and everyone will be going home pretty soon.

24th over: England 128-7 (Plunkett 2, Rashid 4) – target 367 Two runs from an over less eventful than a Counting Crows album.

23rd over: England 126-7 (Plunkett 1, Rashid 3) – target 367 England manufacture a few runs nicely, but this is an administrative exercise from this point.

The end to a fine innings and any modicum of hope England have comes when Stokes – having quite sensibly decided to go big or go home – sticks one straight up in the air and straight to long-on. Ultimately, that might not be a bad thing for England, as it stops the bloody-minded Stokes from doing any damage to himself.

2nd over: England 122-6 (Stokes 67, Rashid 0) – target 367 “Wish I was watching the Duckworth Lewis par score version of this match,” wistfully wonders Brian Withington. “223-5 off 20 overs chasing 367, a wounded Stokes still at the crease. Game on.” Just a single from a fine over by De Silva.

Ach, not a great shot from Sam Curran, chipping straight to long-off. That weather might not be much of a factor, as it turns out.

21st over: England 121-5 (Stokes 66, S.Curran 2) – target 367 SCurran starts off for a run then quickly sends the limping Stokes back, who is charitable enough to laugh when he might have screamed. Just a couple of runs from the over, and apparently there is weather in the Colombo region. Needless to say, if it tipped down from here England are about a billion runs back on DLS.

20th over: England 119-5 (Stokes 65, S.Curran 1) – target 367 Stokes absolutely murders a couple of sweeps – one conventional, one reverse – to the boundary. Foolhardy or no, this is some effort.

Meanwhile, Australia and Pakistan are quite literally playing for a biscuit.

19th over: England 108-5 (Stokes 55, S.Curran 0) – target 367 Stokes gets some proper treatment on that cramping calf. Sam Curran faces his first deliveries of the series, defending Dananjaya stoutly back down the pitch.

“I thought we had agreed that this chaos was caused by Brexit,” quite rightly notes Ian Copestake.

Mo’s eyes light up as Dananjaya tosses one high, but he miscues the shot quite badly and Chandimal does brilliantly to take a catch diving forwards onto the unused pitches, taking all the skin off his elbows in the process.

18th over: England 107-4 (Stokes 54, Moeen 37) – target 367 Stokes seriously struggling now, crumpling to his knees after one shot. Mo then takes over, not quite nailing a lofted straight drive but gets enough of it to reach the boundary. Then Stokes really does nail one to reach his half century, inside-out to the boundary over the covers. Then there’s four more from a much more delicate shot, a back cut past the slips. Hearty as this effort is, there must be a point where England will conclude that a brave innings in a dead rubber isn’t worth the damage it might cause to Stokes in the medium-long term…

17th over: England 93-4 (Stokes 45, Moeen 32) – target 367 Close! Samarawickrama runs in and around from long-on to take a catch off Mo, but he seems to misjudge it, running around too far to the left and not far enough in from the boundary, and can’t take a diving one. Stokes picks out fielders with a couple of reverse sweeps and there are just two runs from the over.

They’re having a drink. “Maybe not the best day to choose to discuss the merits of Buttler captaining England over Root?” asks Martin Hamilton. “A hefty SL total in spite of lots of bowling options and then a collapse when we bat. Not the ideal audition is it?”

In fairness I don’t particularly think this is down to Buttler’s captaincy: Sri Lanka’s total was a combination of good batting and ropey fielding, while the top-order collapse was a few iffy shots combined with superb quick bowling. It’s possible I’m being charitable, mind…

16th over: England 91-4 (Stokes 44, Moeen 31) – target 367 Another bowling change, with more spin from Lakshan Sandakan. Stokes is still suffering: the commentators seem to think it stems from being hit on the thigh early in his innings, but I’d wager is is cramp. Still, one way to get around the problem of not being able to run easily is to just hit fours, which he does twice: once hoying Sandakan’s loosener over mid-wicket, once fortunately under-edging an attempted reverse sweep past the keeper.

15th over: England 81-4 (Stokes 35, Moeen 30) – target 367 Akila Danajaya has a bowl, and Stokes gets a bit of a leading edge on one but chips it to safety in the off side, collecting two runs. Then mo’ elegance from Mo, sweeping behind square and to the boundary, which is the 50 partnership. Good batting, but you can’t help feeling Sri Lanka have let this one slide from their astonishing start.

14th over: England 74-4 (Stokes 32, Moeen 26) – target 367 Oh Mo! How much do we love you? Lots! Beautiful violence in a shot which it seems rather gauche to describe as a slog-sweep. But in the same way that Monica Belucci can make a bin bag look elegant, so Mo can make a carted sweep over cow corner seem like the most delicious shot in the world. He gets four to exactly the same spot with a slightly less pretty shot, but that’s 12 from the over and the partnership ticks over to 46: terrific effort from the flaming bin these two discovered when they reached the middle.

13th over: England 62-4 (Stokes 31, Moeen 15) – target 367 Lovely from Mo, flaying an attempted Perera bouncer just behind square for four. Stokes gets the same result from a slightly less elegant version of the same shot, then gets another but a little luckily with an aerially-sliced cut, after Perera spotted him coming down the pitch and banged one in. Still, England won’t care about style points: a valuable over, 13 runs coming from it.

12th over: England 49-4 (Stokes 23, Moeen 10) – target 367 From the Spin to some spin (needs work), as Sri Lanka introduce Dhananjaya de Silva into the attack. He keeps it tight, to the tune of three runs from the over.

Another shout for the Spin, excellent (as ever) this week by Raf Nicholson on the impending women’s World T20 and the excitement that comes with it.

11th over: England 46-4 (Stokes 22, Moeen 8) – target 367 Stokes doesn’t look entirely happy with life: he’s sweating bullets in the humidity out there, shirt plastered to his chest, and looks like he’s cramping up already. He’s had at least two breaks for fluids, a spray on his hands (to help with the perspiration) and now a banana, throwing in some reasonably extensive calf stretches too. England tick the scoreboard over with five singles from that over.

10th over: England 41-4 (Stokes 20, Moeen 5) – target 367 Mo plays a few beautiful backfoot drives that you’d be happy to take home to meet your mother, but gets no reward for them, with some unsportingly placed fielders in the way. He collects a run after Chameera switches to around the wicket, and Mo thus has enough of an angle to flick a single off his hips.

9th over: England 40-4 (Stokes 20, Moeen 4) – target 367 Chandimal is enormously unlucky: he belts after a Stokes cover drive, dives full length and looks to have saved a boundary, but the ball just bounced up and hit his right arm as his left touched the ropes. Still sensational fielding. Nobody has a prayer of stopping the next four though, Stokes absolutely Stokesing a pull over mid-wicket. A fielder standing exactly where it went might not have stopped that one.

8th over: England 32-4 (Stokes 12, Moeen 4) – target 367 Whatever the woes of an England cricket fan, they can always be soothed by a Moeen drive – he gives us one of the best, a free-flowing number that belts through point to the boundary. Chameera sends down a short one that Mo hooks at, all the Sri Lankans scream an appeal for caught behind, but the umpire is unmoved.

Root jabs at a cut, doesn’t time it well and Samarawickrama takes a fine catch, diving low in front of him. As with any catch that is within two feet of the ground they go upstairs to check, but he’d got his hands well under it.

7th over: England 27-3 (Root 9, Stokes 12) – target 367 Root flicks a couple through mid-wicket. Although the TV seems to have found an extra run from somewhere. Pretty sure it’s 27-3….

Brilliant umpiring from Aleem Dar as it turns out: that looked absolutely cold gone, but he had spotted the ball pitching maybe three or four inches outside leg.

Well that looked extremely close. Rajitha thought his man was stone dead lbw, the only thing that can save him is pitching outside leg…

6th over: England 23-3 (Root 6, Stokes 12) – target 367 More problems for Root, in the locating the middle of his bat stakes. He jabs at a couple, has trouble finding a gap but eventually does from the last ball of the over, not quite timing one but still collecting three runs through the covers.

5th over: England 18-3 (Root 2, Stokes 11) – target 367 Root looks…out of touch. A couple of swings and misses, before he seeks the sanctuary of the non-strikers’ end after a mis-timed cut.

4th over: England 17-3 (Root 1, Stokes 11) – target 367 Root starts in unconvincing fashion, but collects a run with an edge along the ground. Stokes picks up two more from a cue-end off a rank long hop, then another four with an identical twin of the leg glance from the previous over. Seven runs from the over! What bounty! Perhaps more of an achievement: England have gone 15 balls without losing a wicket.

3rd over: England 10-3 (Root 0, Stokes 5) – target 367 Stokes is trying to be cautiously positive, if that makes any sense, stepping down the wicket to Rajitha to try and wrest a little control, but he has trouble getting any of his strokes off the square. That said, he times the pants off a leg glance that sprints out to the square-leg fence. “Are you allowed to enforce the follow on in a 50 overs game?” quips Brian Withington.

2nd over: England 6-3 (Root 0, Stokes 1) – target 367 Well, the good news for England is they have two senior players in. The bad news is…everything else.

Oh mercy oh me! WHAT a start! Buttler, captain for the day, shoved up to four in the order to get a bit more time in the middle, lasts two balls, a terrific ball rising on him and it takes the edge through to the keeper!

Another! Incredible scenes! Not an incredible shot though, Hales feeling for one just outside off and edging to the slip, where Mendis takes a terrific catch.

1st over: England 4-1 (Hales 0, Root 0) – target 367 Brilliant ball though it was, that was a poor shot by Roy…

Rajitha beats Roy with an absolute blooter first up, pitching on middle, hooping away late, missing both outside edge and the stump by a hair. And not a thick hair either – a thin, whispy hair. Roy, like a man with a new sense of life after a near-death experience, lives to the fullest by creaming a leg glance to the square leg boundary. But that life is then whipped away with another corker, again missing the edge but very much not missing the stumps. Great start for Sri Lanka.

Hello all, Nick Miller here to take you through the England response….

50th over: Sri Lanka 366-6 (de Silva 19, Dananjaya 18) Tom Curran is entrusted with the final over, and his usual excellence at the death deserts him. Dananjaya slogs a slower ball for six and then offers a simple catch to Moeen at short extra, which is mysteriously dropped. That hands the strike to de Silva, who wallops a six over long-on.

So Sri Lanka finish on a high – their highest ODI score against England. They could have had 400 if they hadn’t offered so much catching practice, but maybe they’d see that as a reasonable price to pay for a much more assertive performance. England were erratic, with both their bowling and fielding – the one understandable, as they gave the reserves an outing, the other not a good look at all. The best facet of their game today has been Buttler’s captaincy. And he may need his own batting, at full throttle, to win this one.

“Apologies to James Taylor,” says John Starbuck, acting as his own fact-checker (46th over). “It turns out it was Mr Batty on Talksport2. My hearing has been very poor since 1954. ‘Tax-free’ is still a good term though.” It is.

That’s it from me – thanks for your company, your emails, your views on Joe Root’s captaincy, and your coinages. Nick Miller will be along in a minute, so do email him.

49th over: Sri Lanka 351-6 (de Silva 12, Dananjaya 10) I seem to have lost an over somewhere – sorry. Wood’s eighth and last goes for nine as Dananjaya slaps a four through the covers.

48th over: Sri Lanka 342-6 (de Silva 10, Dananjaya 3) de Silva dinks Tom Curran past short third man, where Sam Curran only half-dives. Curran T tells Curran S off, trumping the moment earlier on when Stokes told off his Durham mate Wood for not fielding with total commitment. Curran T then misfields himself, blowing a faint chance of a run-out. The cameras, all, don’t reveal whether Sam allows himself a sly smile.

When it comes to nomenclature at this stage of an innings (45th over), Mike Daniels has a different financial metaphor. “I’ve always heard it called sale time – everything must go.”