ALEXIS (TO) CARRINGTON?
Despite being a cantankerous and ruthless manager with a roll of honour almost as long as the list of people he wants to crush or just troll, José Mourinho is still occasionally accused of failing to respect Manchester United’s heritage. It seems that no amount of feuds with rivals managers or strops with the media and the authorities is enough to satisfy the nostalgic cravings of some regulars in the Lord Ferg stand, and nor will hard-fought home draws with top-flight bottom-feeders. Especially as everyone knows very well that throughout their history United have always sought not merely to win, but to win in a style that gets right up the nose of Manchester City.
United may have been crowned English champions for the first time in 1908 but that title would have had a hollow feel if it hadn’t been accompanied by the sort of noise that Old Trafford attendees most enjoy hearing from their neighbours, viz. impotent swearing and the weak splash of tears into nigh-empty glasses. The stars of that title triumph included Billy Meredith, Sandy Turnbull, Jimmy Bannister and Herbert Burgess, the four talents picked up from City after the boys in blue fell foul of financial fair-play laws and, as punishment, were ordered to release their best players. A different era, obviously.
United’s first European crown also came with an amusing soundtrack, as their 1968 Big Cup triumph gave a low-grade tinny quality to the cheers of City fans celebrating that season’s domestic success by their club. Something similar happened in 1999, when City’s rejoicing at beating Gillingham in the Second Division play-off was still drowned out by Clive Tyldesley having excitedly launched a campaign for the beatification of United’s treble-winners.
Mourinho has tried in vain this season to find a way of paying homage to those successes. But so far, his failure is evidenced by a gap of 15 points in the Premier League and one serene smile on Pep Guardiola’s mug. Mourinho has not given up, however, and today hit hit upon a brazen new way of sneaking a stone into the Catalan’s smart loafers and riling Arsène Wenger, to boot – by contacting Arsenal in an attempt to lure City’s top January target, Alexis Sánchez, to United. That wheeze does not look likely to bear fruit but it shows, at least, that Mourinho is thinking in the right way. Even if he did manage to pull it off, United have little chance of catching City in the league this season, but they could yet knock them out of Big Cup. And seal a finish above Antonio Conte, so there’s that, too.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The boat is on the sea and the bait is on the hook. I am not on the boat, I am on the beach watching” – there’s your catchy Carlos Carvalhal transfer update, Swansea City fans. Worth that extra new shiny £2.50 ticket booking fee alone, eh? Eh?
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FIVER LETTERS
“I think Sarah Rothwell (yesterday’s Fiver letters) may be on to something with January players on football calendars, after Coutinho was the first on her Liverpool one. The player on the January page of the Arsenal one is … Alexis Sánchez. Both calendars are made by Danilo. You’d think the Manchester City right-back had better things to do” – Lee Armitt.
“Commiserations, Sarah. My mum sends me a Southampton one every year, so imagine the excitement of turning the page each month. Yes, VVD is on the January page. The excitement builds for February” – Richard Mullan.
“I know Sarah wasn’t starting a competition, but fans of Hibs turned over the calendar on 1 February 2013 to see Ivan Sproule, who had already left the club and scored the winner against us” – Bell Roddie.
“I noticed that the 10-year-old Fiver that you linked to yesterday included this gem in the Rumour Mill: ‘Apparently unperturbed by the flabbiness of the original model, Arsène Wenger has designs on the “new Ronaldinho” – 15-year-old Neymar, who plays for Santos.’ Oh Arsène! How different things could have been?” – Mo Holkar.
“I have a nasty feeling in my stomach. I have a baseless fear that, after his Dakar Rally crash (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs), AVB may be about to drop his first album. Harrowing power ballads composed out in the desert, Josh Homme-style, mid-crisis. And it will be called: Back in the Bivouac. You heard it here first” – Joel Greig.
“I was intending to not actually watch the Steel City derby through sheer indifference, however now it has been brought to my attention by Dan Makeham (yesterday’s letters) I would be happy to show solidarity and not actually watch in protest at the farcical TV-related scheduling system” – Mike Kay.
“Some of us who live south of Solihull are just pleased that for once the Villa are not on again. There is a rumour they don’t even bother to take the cameras away” – Mike Waring [not on for one day, at least – Fiver Ed].
Send your letters to [email protected]. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Bell Roddie.
THE RECAP
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BITS AND BOBS
Ref Ovidiu Hategan has held his hands up for the penalty decision that helped Switzerland shove Norn Iron Nil out of the Ethics World Cup play-offs. “It was a sad and unpleasant moment for me,” he said. “Sad because I made that mistake, painful because with my team, we had good performances. In our world, the referees are the same as the goalkeepers – everyone sees the mistake. I’ve got over that moment, I’m a strong man. My family was there for me.”
embarked on a racist rant at this decision, with Hategan in the background. Photograph: Niall Carson/PA
So impressed was Pep Guardiola by Bristol City’s performance on Tuesday that he sat down with Lee Johnson and his staff to talk all things Ashton Gate. “He even asked about the lines on our pitch,” tooted assistant coach Dean Holden. “He thought it was a tactical thing. We had to explain it was from the rugby club.”
Some other ‘football’ is going to happen at the new White Hart Lane.
Barcelona have followed the marquee signing of Phillipe Coutinho by shelling out €11.8m (£10.5m) on Palmeiras defender Yerry Mina. “Without doubt, the Colombian has the potential to make it,” trumpeted a club statement.
Liverpool are now attempting to bring forward the signing of Naby Keïta from Leipzig to this month, at a premium of £18m.
Not going anywhere this window is Kazuyoshi Miura. The striker, who turns 51 in February, has scribbled his name all over a new contract with Japanese second division club Yokohama FC which means he will enter a 33rd season as a player. “I’ll always play my heart out,” he beamed.
Huddersfield are ready to pay £11m for Norwich winger Alex Pritchard, while Nasty Leeds have snapped up Laurens de Bock from Club Brugge.
And today in virtue-signalling: Notts County have announced the loan signing of Liverpool’s Matty Virtue.
STILL WANT MORE?
John Duerden reports on the biggest move in world football this month.
Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have mid-table clubs gone, croons Stuart James.
Watching Arsenal’s manager watch the goalless first leg of a cup semi-final was more interesting than watching the goalless first leg of a cup semi-final, writes Barney Ronay.
A day inside Benfica’s academy, the production line for European football.
The recklessness of Hungarian PM Viktor Orbán’s football obsession, via our long read.
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