Ashes 2017-18: Australia v England third Test, day five – live!

This is actually hilarious. The groundstaff are scrambling the big cover back on, the wind keeps blowing it away and nearly takes a few of them with it. They genuinely look like it’s never rained here before. Maybe it hasn’t? The ABC radio box is in hysterics watching the slapstick unfold. Between laughter, Chris Rogers is noting the holes in the technique. “It rained then, and hard, for a good 30 seconds before they got the hessian on. It’s almost like they were surprised again, and had to get to the hessian, instead of having two blokes with it there in their hands ready to run it over.” So, with each squall the pitch gets wetter again.

It’s punting down rain again, by the way. The Waca groundstaff really don’t seem that well drilled at getting the covers on. Lucky the curator is moving to Melbourne, where it never rains.

At least he’s proving to US taxpayers that the trickle-down approach can be effective.

Ah yes. Don’t put inaccuracy and Phil Makepeace in the same room.

“How about an OBO shout for the England Woman’s Cricket Team winning Best Team on SPOTY? I think it’s well deserved and shows some hope for the future.”

Absolutely, Jeremy Bunting, I was looking at the voting numbers as you emailed. Anya Shrubsole polled pretty strongly versus some likely looking contenders. English sportswriters around me at the Waca are bemused that a motorbike racer came second, and can only assume that everyone with a motorbike voted for him. But that was in the individual category, and England women’s cricket team did indeed win the team category, after their dramatic World Cup win and then drawing the Ashes out here in Australia.

I had the pleasure of commentating with BBC for that dramatic semi-final where India proved their chops by putting Australia to the sword, as well as the England-Australia thriller in the pool stage. All of that combined with being at Lord’s for the sold-out final was one of the best sport experiences of my life.

Here’s our OBO friend Vish with Anya Shrubsole recently.

Peter Rowntree is sticking with me, bless his insomniac heart. “This is beginning to look like no play before lunch. How lucky can these Ol’ Aussies get, letting the rain seep under the covers when they knew we were about to hand them a sound thrashing? When I first signed on this evening and saw the photo Lizzy had published I thought the ground staff were using chainsaws, which seemed a tad unfriendly. It was only on a closer look I saw that these were driers. Recalled the start of the 2016 season up at Northants when Ben Duckett almost scored 300 on the first day and no more cricket could be played on the ensuing three because water had got under the covers. I wonder what young Ben tipped on the heads of the TMN groundstaff?”

This would require a fair bit of co-ordinating. Wardrobe and otherwise.

Differing views…

Jeepers. I wasn’t here early enough this morning to see this. It’s lucky that Blocker Wilson can hold up the Sydney Harbour Bridge all on his own. Gives you a sense of what the poor groundstaff have been dealing with.

If you’ve got nothing to do, I’ve been mythbusting with Adam Collins and Ric Finlay about the old chestnut of 87 being an unlucky number for Australian batsmen. Because we are cool guys with rich and fulfilling inner lives. This is tangentially related to Mitch Marsh and this Test match if you click through and scroll up.

Should we have a sweepstake for what time we’ll start play here? It’s 10:24am Perth time.

There’d be a few. Someone want to compile me a top ten? I’m busy eating tiny croissants.

“To be fit to play, it has to be in the same state it was in yesterday,” is the ruling from the umpires about the pitch. If you’re wondering. Right now the pitch is still covered, the they’ll get the hot-air brigade again. Cue a million jokes about getting [Commentator X] to talk at the pitch.

In case you hadn’t guessed, that means the early start has not started early. Trevor Bayliss, the England coach is being interviewed on TV. “It’s a shame, it was going to be a good day of cricket,” he says, deadpan as a shot gold miner. And even as he’s interviewed, the rain comes down again, first a sprinkle that has the hessian on, then a series of sheets that have the big cover rolled out.

Like my emotional state, the weather in Perth is wildly variable. Five minutes ago I was walking around the back of the grandstand in driving rain, now the sun is out again. There are about 80 ground staff in the middle by appearances, trying to dry the pitch by body convection or something.

Because YES. Scandal. Bloodshed. There is a wet patch.

The covers have sweated overnight, says a CA spokesperson, rather than any drunk Barmies coming out and tearing holes in the covers to try and get the game called off. But there are still various air machines out there trying to evaporate the damage. If this were at all possible, England might now be even less keen to bat on this.

Peter Rowntree gets an early email gong by reffing my favourite film. “This is really The Thin Red Line for England. The Aussies know that if they get either Dawid Malan or YJB they are, based on the series to date, into the England tail. Not just the tail, from what we have read in the last few days, ‘the walking wounded’, which includes Craig Overton with a cracked rib, and Stubro with a gammy knee.” Wouldn’t want to have a busted bone while facing the ribcage symphony on this wicket.

Hot topic, hey? It’s bloody freezing in Perth. 16 degrees at last count. This is not why I give my life over to following a summer sport around. I shall be writing a stern letter to the Western Australian government, believe you me.

Now, the rain. It rained all night, and sporadically rained really hard. I was out during a couple of proper torrents, which would last for a few minutes and then ease back. I think it’s mostly stopped by now, though the sound of water dripping off pipes and roofs is deceptive.

There may be a couple more showers on the way this morning, so that may start eating into the hours available today. They can’t start the Test more than half an hour early, nor go more than… is it half an hour or one hour late? I can never remember. Scheduled close is 5:30, we’ve played until 6 most days to get the overs in, so we can probably go till 6:30 at latest though it may be 7. Someone who knows more, fire away.

The other factor is whether the WACA draining – which is excellent – has handled such heavy falls. Probably, but it could delay the start a bit if the outfield is soaked. The other factor is the strong wind, which would assist in drying things very quickly if precipitation leaves us alone.

Anyway. The equation is: some time will probably be lost, but how much we have no decent guess. England have six wickets in hand, and sit 127 runs behind. They’ll need to bat with great application, and probably push that deficit into some sort of lead, to survive the day even with the help of rain. Advantage remains with Australia, because we’ve seen that as soon as the fifth wicket goes, the rest of England’s team can vanish pretty quickly.

Geoff will be here shortly. In the meantime here’s Adam Collins on a hot topic – the weather in Perth: