NO LATE SERGE
At the time of writing the Fiver, which was three Tins before whatever time it is now, Tottenham Hotspur had not confirmed the signing of Serge Aurier from Paris Saint-Germain. It’s not that they’re ashamed, it’s just that Daniel Levy has a reputation to uphold and wouldn’t like word to get out that he has completed another deal before 22:59 on transfer deadline day, which is not even until tomorrow.
The Aurier negotiations had promised to be pleasingly complex for Levy. Firstly, there was the issue of how to stifle the giggles that overwhelmed everyone at White Hart Lane this week when Levy blagged £18m out of Stoke for Kevin Wimmer after signing the defender for less than a quarter of that amount a year ago and using him since then exclusively as a hatstand. Secondly and most excitingly for Levy, there was the prospect of a tense standoff with the Home Office, who barred Aurier from entering the UK in 2016 after he was sentenced to two months in Le Jug following an altercation with a French policeman.
But, as it turned out, Levy never got to lock horns with the government over that one because it transpires that French authorities have downgraded Aurier’s punishment from serving chokey time to just paying a fine. So with that legal bother out of the way, Spurs got themselves a readymade upgrade on Kyle Walker with disappointingly little fuss. Someone is going to have to pay and it’ll probably be whoever tries to do a deal with Levy on deadline day.
None of which means, of course, that Aurier’s arrival in Blighty will remain uneventful. As Danny Rose may be able to tell you without visiting Google, the 24-year-old is a swashbuckling player who has had a singular career so far, with highlights including getting banned for insulting a referee on social media disgrace Twitter and getting banned for insulting his manager and team-mates on social media disgrace Periscope. At around £23m, Aurier could prove terrific value for Spurs. And for the Fiver.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Not only was I one of the smallest at the academy, I was also the slowest. That might come as a surprise to anyone who watched me on the wing at Old Trafford but I had never done athletics. I was told I had to improve my jumping so in the evenings, when nobody was looking, I would sneak out into a forest by the training pitches and practise jumping up and down on one leg, bringing my knee up to my chest. It was an exercise they called in Russian Blokha or ‘the Flea’. I would do it a hundred times and then I would swap legs and do it a hundred more. I would do it every evening for three years” – Andrei Kanchelskis reveals all this and more in this extract from his autobiography.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Yes, you don’t often get a ‘My Sharona’ reference in the headline of a Proper Journalist David Conn piece [yesterday’s Still Want Mores] but the Fiver does usually report on at lease one daily mention of The Knack” – Mike Wrall.
“I know that Fiver Letters is not really the place for serious issues to be discussed but I have to take exception to Marten Allen’s exuberant but entirely wrong-headed defence of Raheem Sterling’s antics over the weekend [yesterday’s Fiver letters]. Firstly can we be clear that he was not sent-off for going into the crowd. He was cautioned for that. He was sent off because he did it subsequent to having been sufficiently impish to have obtained a previous yellow card in the game. Secondly can we be clear that the caution was for inciting the crowd to a display of bad manners involving struggles with stewards, policemen, and players to the not inconsiderable peril of all concerned not simply for strolling over to say ‘What a good boy am I?’ to anyone who cared to listen. Where are we going? To a safe environment in which it’s no longer necessary to keep fans behind fences to prevent them getting at the players. It would be a shame if we now had to bring the fences back to protect the fans from bone-headed players who are apparently incapable of keeping their passions on the pitch as they have been expected to since the very first laws of the game were drawn up. It is a cautionable offence to leave the pitch without the referee’s permission. There is nothing new about this and referees already show considerable restraint in not punishing the frequent abuses of the law during the ridiculous hysteria that follows a goal, the main effect of which is to make the scorers more vulnerable to conceding immediately afterward anyway. If players want to stretch this restraint to its limits by taking the proverbial as Sterling did then frankly a yellow card is not nearly enough retribution. Passion does not necessitate loss of control nor does it mitigate negligence. It is, I would suggest, vastly overrated” – Barry Etheridge
“Amen to Marten Allen’s sentiments in today’s Fiver” – Rod Marshall [It’s a game of opinions – Fiver Ed].
“I’m with Marten Allen 100%, and as I’m 60 now, I’m allowed to be a grumpy old so-and-so, hence I feel entitled (yes) to share my own curiously double-edged (i.e. contradictory) pet peeve re- goal celebrations. Having seen first Ronaldo, then Raheem Sterling recently double-yellowed and sent off for what I’d call legitimate and wholly football-centric celebrations, can’t we just bin this ridiculous rule right now. I would if I could. Let the lads celebrate, FFS. On the other hand, can we also mandatory red card any footballers (single or in-groups – yes the whole lot of them!) who perform their ‘signature’ rehearsed celebrations, even if it follows a knee-wonk, toe-poke, someone else’s own goal, or an accidental deflection in an offside goalmouth scramble in a 7-0 win? Please. A bit of perspective. (Oh, and close any stadium that plays goal celebration music, too, while we’re at it)” – Russell Richardson.
Send your letters to [email protected]. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is Mike Wrall.
BITS & BOBS
Liverpool have opened the lines of communication with Arsenal over Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
West Brom have announced the signing of Kieran Gibbs from Arsenal for an undisclosed fee and he looks delighted:
Tottenham have signed Argentina’s Estudiantes defender Juan “Let’s hear it for the” Foyth.
Borussia Dortmund have signed Hoffenheim’s highly-rated right-back Jeremy Toljan. “He is a player with huge potential,” squealed Dortmund sporting director Michael Zorc.
Fulham want Newcastle’s out-of-favour goal-pixie Dwight Gayle and have offered £15m for him.
Schalke central defender Benedikt Höwedes is coughing for the doctors at Juventus.
STILL WANT MORE?
Pep Guardiola should be nurturing Raheem Sterling not spending more cash, writes Paul Wilson.
Martin Laurence picks six underrated players who should be attracting more interest in the transfer window.
The fans have their say.
It’s a big moment for the flamin’ Socceroos, writes Jonathan Howcroft.
PSG + Mbappé = a slap in the face for Uefa, writes Proper Journalist David Conn.
Premier League starlets are cutting ties and going to Germany and Portugal, writes Ed Aarons.